Husband died last week

My husband of 19 years passed away and unexpectedly last week in his sleep. When I woke up and saw him not breathing, I called 999 and had to give him CPR until the emergency services came. My poor children witnessed everything and were distraught. Everything seems so surreal and we are all hurting so much. I want to fix everything and I can’t. I feel like this is a nightmare and I want it to stop xx

Oh this was just like reading my first post of 7 plus weeks ago 11th April, same date 4 years ago I was diagnosed with PPMS, just 4 years apart, I was 64, now 68…I too lost my longterm partner of 19 years, I too lost him suddenly sitting in his armchair in-between taking the dog to the pet groomer and going a tad later to collect him, the shock when you realise that this person ( the person we love and been sharing our life with) is not breathing is something we will never shift from our memory…Oh the heartbreak of your children witnessing the loss of their father…Sorry my posting is not helping you, maybe making you feel worse…Do you have a close knit family near you, hubby’s or yours, you need them more than ever now, I do hope you do, you sound a lot younger than me…Is there a grandparent who can look after the children for a while, somewhere they can go and stay while you sort out the necessaries, I am assuming they are quite young…You and the children are in shock ,hard for young children to wonder why their daddy is not here anymore…just as hard for you too, so many unanswered questions that you dont know the answers to…


My husband died suddenly too - four weeks ago tomorrow. He died whilst I was at work and my lovely daughter found him collapsed. I just knew then - he would have called me. Even after 40 years we spoke all the time and I worried about him too. He had a major heart attack 23 years ago - but there was no reason to think he would be struck down so many years later.
My children are older but also distraught - so as well as dealing with our own grief we are still mum and want to protect them. I still cannot believe he is not here anymore - and am very good at pretending he is in the next room. It is so so hard as everyone on here will testify. But this forum has been a lifeline to me - I find I can pour it all out on here and everyone understands. So much suffering and so many of us going through it.
I hope this forum helps you as it helps me.

Take care

Trisha xx

Thanks Trisha for your reply. I feel sick all the time it doesn’t help my husband had alcohol problems too and we argued on the day he died. I feel such guilt and hurt and sadness and anger. I want to scream. My youngest son has just dropped his phone on the floor and it smashed. He just looked so sad like why do theses things keep happening to me. I know it’s just a phone but when you are 12 its a big thing xxx

I quite often feel sick - but that is lessening now. I do still feel this big ache somewhere in the middle though.
We would not be human if we did not argue -and if you read the posts on here we are all suffering from guilt in some form or another. I feel so guilty I did not talk properly to my husband when he called me at work that day … it was a bit - talk later I am busy - I was short with him and I wish I had just taken five minutes to have a proper chat and I cut myself up all the time like that. But it was a normal day and it was normal behaviour. I loved him so much and I know he loved me even more. We would all like to turn the clock back and rerun things somehow.
Your poor lad - you are right about his phone. It means so much to them and for you it is yet another burden - the little ones all add up and what once you would have shrugged off is now a massive thing. Everyone told me take a day at a time and that is what I am trying to do. I cannot pretend it is easy but I am better today than I was just a week ago although crying again as I type this. I still have so many tears left I know. My daughter is the angry one - she is trying to cope with her friends carrying one with their lives like normal.
I suppose another cup of coffee is on the cards - it is all I seem to do is drink coffee - though I am making a list of things I need to do - and will focus on ticking a couple of things off by this evening.
Take care and keep messaging
Trisha x

Thanks Trisha and I’m sorry for your loss xxxx

Hi Jackie, I have friends but my mother has dementia so I don’t really have her. My husband family seem distant and cold probably dealing with their own grief. Thank you for replying to me. Xxx