So after being my husband’s full time carer for 2and a half years (Alzheimer’s) his deteriorating health and challenging behavior I made the very difficult decision to relinquish my caring role and he has been in residential care for two weeks. The guilt is overwhelming. The loneliness unbearable. I don’t know what to do with myself. All the time taken up caring for him has now left a hole so big only my own black, dark thoughts for company. Seeing him in there breaks my heart. It’s like he’s forgetting me even quicker. I’m alone. No friends, he was it. My mam has been a support over the phone but now he’s in care it’s “move on” “forget him” I just get so angry. I have no future without him. I tried a little holiday when he was in respite but I hated the loneliness and not being able to share the experience with him. All the pitying looks from other smug couples arrrgh just makes me want to scream! Plus all the paperwork and form filling let alone the huge drop in the finances. Everything has changed for the worse. What is the point of carrying on? A life with no laugher, joy, affection, plans… Just want the pain to stop.
@RaeRae, I’m so sorry to hear this. Thank you for reaching out to the community - you are not alone.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I wanted to ask if you are getting any support for yourself right now? Even just someone you can talk to when you’re experiencing those dark thoughts might be helpful. Alzheimer’s Society have lots of options on their website, including their Dementia Support Line. You can call them on 0333 150 3456.
Things sound so difficult right now, so please, do keep reaching out for support and get some extra support if you need it.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hello, try and ask yourself before your husband became I’ll what would he have said to you about what you should do if he became unmanageable?
I think he would have said the best thing for both of you would be the action you took, we’re spouses not trained medical providers, his needs were beyond your capabilities, it was the loving thing to do to place him where he’d be cared for by people who are trained.
It will take time for you to adjust to this new normal, but adjust you will, just try to remember you’ve done what anyone else would do, don’t think about a future just try to cope day by day at the moment and you will become stronger.
Thank you for your kind words I’m just trying to get through each day at the moment and hoping that with every visit I make I can make memories for me as he forgets but he still remembers the feeling of me as in his affection and sometimes a few smiles I dread to think how I’ll cope when that goes too😞