I have only just joined this group. My Husband of 5 years and partner of 23 suddenly passed away 7 weeks ago tomorrow. He collapsed at home and was taken to hospital with a suspected stroke, but when they scanned him him they discovered a brain aneurism and blood clot deep in his brain. (he had been having headaches for a week and we had called 111/Doctors etc), they operated on him for 8 hours but sadly 4 days later suffered a massive stoke which he would have never recovered from. They declared he had no brain function on the Thursday. My husband was only 44 years old. I took 6 weeks away from work, but made the decision to return last week as being on my own was driving me crazy, so needed people contact, I work in Education but am only working on systems and there is no student contact as yet. I go in to the office once a week and I am working part time (3 days) for the next 4 weeks. I have amazing friends and families on both sides, but struggle to open up emotionally to them, my mother in law is hiding her feelings and wont come to the house as she cant deal with the memories. I moved back home 4 weeks ago and did a list of jobs in the house and garden we had, in his honour but I struggle when I am on my own and not busy doing things. I have 2 dogs so cant really get to the office much more at the moment, as I will be putting babysitting duties on my mother in law too much. I have a friend coming today to work with me and my sister in law is coming to work from my house tomorrow but I know I have to get used to being on my own. I understand this is still so raw as I have sat at my desk in tears this morning and it comes very randomly and at different times, if I look at a picture of us, watch a video or hear a song he likes when in the car.
I know a lot of people are at different stages in this process and would like to ask for advice/stages people have gone through during the first few months and how you have kept yourself going. I know people donât expect to be in this position at 43 years old, so was never prepared for this to happen (I know that sounds strange). He had been my life for 23 years, I only came out 6 months before we met so he has been my life, its a struggle to know what to do from here.
So sorry to hear about the lost of your husband i lost mine 4 months ago to cancer i wish i could tell you things will get easier but i am still finding life without my husband so hard to cope with but i find talking to people on here really helps when you are having a bad day
l lost hubby 3 months ago, l cry at the drop of a hat. My bed is my haven, when tsunami hits that is where l retreat hoping to sleep through the worse. l wake with a knot in my throat, l cant think of him without crying, sometimes sobbing & wailing, heaven knows what my neighbours think, not that they ventured to find out.
Shakespeare wrote âGrief not released will break the heart to get outâ. (saw that on tv).
how very true, so now when l feel it rising l give in to it, regardless. Maybe one day Iâll have a good day.
So keep on crying , wherever or whenever, no one knows the pain weâre going through until theyâve been there.
Hi @Darren79
So sorry you have the need to join us here and losing your husband so young too. The shock and disbelief will be dreadful Iâm sure.
I lost my seemingly fit and healthy 60 year old husband suddenly last April and, like you, am better when Iâm busy.
I am reading a book called Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone, which a lovely friend I made here sent me. It is very interesting, written by someone who was studying resilience when she lost her 12 year old daughter suddenly in a car accident.
My best tip would be to carry on being busy when you can but do what @Mike75 suggests and have specific time out to allow the grief and tears to flow. I use my determination to make Richard proud as my motivation to get on with jobs and donât really have a choice about being busy, unless I let my daughters and the people who use his farmland down.
The first thing in my opinion is the acceptance that this is real and irreversible. âWhat ifâs and âif onlyâs have no benefit and hold you back so try not to allow them room. Much easier said than done I know.
Keep posting on here about how you are feeling as there are some amazingly supportive people on here.
Sending love
xxx
Im also sorry for your loss and thank you, I will keep writing, this is the first time I have really decided to talk to people outside of my family and friends. Its difficult to find people in a friends circule who have been through the same thing as we are all around the same age xxxxxx
Sorry for your loss. It is difficult to know what to do, its just a minute my minute process at the moment. I am sure we will all get there at some point, we will start to move forward but never forget, this is going be be such a helpful group. xxx
Thank you and sorry for your loss. Keeping busy and the dogs are currently keeping me on my toes which helps. I will take a look at that book and have a read xxxxxx