My husband lost his sister to cancer 4 years ago (having lost his mum at the same age as his sister to cancer previously). His sister was diagnosed with cancer when I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child and died shortly after he was born.
My husband always had a temper on him, but since his sisters death he is so angry, rude and aggressive at times, and after 4 years of dealing with it I’m really struggling to hold it together, especially as we now have a 3rd child who is 3 months old and waking every 2 hours throughout the night.
I know my exhaustion doesn’t make me the most patient person at the moment and I’m worried his anger is effecting our children, especially the 2nd one who was born into the eye of the storm and has his own temper issues. My husbands father and other siblings have all gone for counselling to help with their grief, but my husband refuses to accept that he needs help and if I suggest going for counselling he generally blames his anger on me or the children.
We’re sleeping in separate rooms as our baby boy is such a bad sleeper, which is distancing us further and it’s got to a point where it’s a relief to go to bed to avoid his anger. He also works from home so it feels like there is very little escape from it and I also feel myself getting angrier as a consequence, which is so unfair on our children. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do next. I realise that going to counselling will only be effective if he makes the decision to have it, but don’t know whether he’ll ever feel the need to talk to somebody about his grief and reaction to it.
Any advice would be very warmly welcomed as I’m feeling incredibly isolated and drained and am not sure I can take much more after 4 years of it (which I realise makes me sound like a horrible wife as he’s grieving for his sister which I can’t imagine going through). Please help.