Husband

My husband of 49 years died 7 months ago and it seems to be getting harder to accept. I’ve fallen out with my sister and niece and fear I’m alienating my children because I feel so bitter and angry. Everyone said how well I was coping but I’m not now. I just feel so lost sad and lonely and do t know who I can speak to openly without sounding like I’m not just wallowing in my own misery

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Hi Liz. First of all, so sorry for your loss. You’ve come to the right place to vent. You are angry and sad and miserable for good reason - you lost your soulmate of 49 years. Nobody is going to understand the level of pain you’re experiencing unless they’ve gone through it. You are now a member of a club you never wanted to join. I’m 10 months in having lost my husband of 40 years to Covid. I wanted to die but I realized God still has work for me to do here. So I face each day and manage to get through it. Don’t be too hard on your family, you need them now more than ever. Anytime you have questions or need to cry or vent, this is the place to do it.
Take good care. Barbara.

Hi Barb Thankyou for your reply. I know you are right. I’ve got to stop trying to impress on people how awful it is. I look back on people I know over the years who lost partners and can see I was exactly the same. Hopefully I said all the right things but then went back to my own, then busy life.
It’s like we need someone to guide us on this path., which I suppose is exactly what we had and have now lost.
Liz

Liz, you can pour your heart out here, I’m finding this out, say everything you want to say, you can guarantee some replies and support, this is the best place to be, say exactly what you want, need, feel. It is a very caring and mutually understanding community, much love to you x

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What you’re describing is absolutely normal.

Ups, downs and all-arounds.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s something that only you can understand and you could speak for weeks to others and they still won’t understand.

You’ve got to realise that you’ve experienced one of life’s biggest possible traumatic events. There’s no rulebook about how to feel or what to say.

You simply experience what you experience on a day to day basis. You’ve lost the love of your life, the man you built your life with and made a family with.

Don’t feel regret for your feelings, it’s going to take time to get a semblance or normality.

Maybe you did appear to be ‘coping’ initially but that can quite easily be put down to shock.

I lost a few family members in the latter half of last year and the start of this year and nothing really shook me at first, then I broke down. I just wanted to punch anyone that did anything I didn’t expect or like.

If you don’t feel you can open up to family or friends, definitely speak to your GP. I did and the empathy and understanding was unbelievable. I was so anxious but they helped me in so many ways.

Wishing you all the best.b

Take care.

I understand, my husband died 8 weeks ago at 58, we had so many plans, it was a brilliant marriage, l am so lucky l had him in my life, from diagnosised to death was 10 months, so time cut short
I am here if you want to talk in private, xx

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