Hello i lost my husband of 37 years 2years ago i feel totally lost he was my soul mate we did everything together life will never be the same again people keep telling me i will meet someone else i dont want anyone else i am 58 years old feel so alone i dont go anywhere my choice but i dont want to mix with other people thank you for listening xx
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Hi EllieGrace
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your beloved husband. I lost my partner of 20 years 14 months ago, and I can’t believe so much time has gone by, and it still catches me out that he has gone forever. You were together much longer - most of your adult life.
We all have to cope in our own way, and to be told you will find someone else is more about the people giving that advice wanting to feel they’re doing something than about how you feel.
But I’m going to risk giving some advice too. My own experience has been to try to get out and about and do things. I was lucky to have hobbies that I could carry on with, and they did help me to see that life can go on, and can still be enjoyable. Through doing that I have met many women who are widows, and I have valued the companionship and shared experience. I still wake up many mornings and wonder how to get out of bed, but having something to do makes it possible.
All the advice on grief from the “experts” like Sue Ryder talks about looking after yourself, getting out and about, finding new interests. It’s a bit like physio after an injury - you start small and it’s hard at first, but it gets easier. And I can only say it works for me and for many of the women I meet.
Of course it doesn’t take away the pain - I still cry most days, but then I can think about something else that is planned for the day.
And it means you are building a life for yourself, not waiting for a mythical new partner to come along and solve all your problems.
I hope this is some use - remember I’m only writing this because I’m lying in bed scrolling for advice on how to deal with grief after the first year. That’s how I came across your post. But soon I shall get up and get ready for my walking group. It will never be the same as walking with my beloved partner, but it gives me fresh air, exercise and companionship - all worth having.
Very best wishes
Sal
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Hi @Elliegrace and @Salsnips , by my comparison with both of you I’m early on in my journey, 17 weeks at 1pm yesterday but I am trying to get out and about. I guess I’m fortunate in that we have always done quite a lot of activities independently and I was able to get back to them after my soulmate left me, it’s the hours indoors alone that are so hard to bare. This weekend has been awful, since Thursday I have had nothing in my diary and there is nothing until Tuesday, tears have been my only companion so I agree with you @Salsnips, getting out, mixing with others is my salvation. I’m going to start volunteering work with AgeUK soon and that will help fill some more time. Unfortunately there very rarely seems to be much on during weekends.
It’s difficult because everyone one copes differently and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another, I just know I need people around me, even a group of strangers walking around the city takes away the feeling of isolation.
As they say, life goes on and to make it bearable I guess for me mixing with others is the best way forward. Hugs and comfort to you all, Ann
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Thankyou for your lovely messages they mean alot xx
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