It’s my husbands funeral tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I know he’s gone and not coming back, but due to the circumstances with his death I still haven’t processed it properly. And the funeral makes it final and definite. I don’t know if that makes sense?
The funeral is meant to be closure, but as I still don’t have any answers as to why he died, it isn’t for me.
People also say that once the funeral is over that is the time to start remembering all the happy times we had, and continuing with my life as that’s what he would want for me. And whilst that is true, it’s still too soon for me to think about that. As I said to a friend, the pain of grief is so unbearable I understand when others say they don’t want to carry on living.
But I will give him the best send off I can whilst my heart is breaking
Im am so sorry its so hard justvgo tomorrow and the funeral will take place and take what u can out off the day…then Saturday is a new day to move on slowly with your grieving
The best advice I received after my husband passed is start with a second, work up to a minute then 5 more at a time. Move onto an hour and before you know it you’re breathing again. The pain of losing your spouse is heart wrenching. I remember not being about to breath at times it hurt so bad but it does get easier but not for awhile. I had to remove his clothes from the house and then he and I had done renovations to the house and I saw him in every corner so I sold the house. It was not a comfort to me just reminded me of what I lost. Peace and prayers for you.
@Mel1978 yes it does make sense. I didn’t find the funeral to be closure, not at all, it was just one of the horrible awful things this tragedy brings and it has to be got through. People say all sorts of things and on the whole they mean well and they’re trying to help but unless they too have suffered the loss we have they don’t know anything. Sounds like your husband’s death was sudden mine was too - apparently from a heart attack but the 6 hours he was in hospital before the heart attack he received no medication whatsoever and I fully believe the drip they gave him may well have brought the heart attack on. So for me and maybe you too the funeral really was just the beginning. Hope you get through it OK.
@Mel1978 firstly , I really hope your husband’s funeral is bearable for you tomorrow. My man’s passed by in such a haze I’ve largely forgotten it . I do remember being calm though , despite suffering normally from severe anxiety. I chose music that was fairly meaningful but not so meaningful that it was our favourite tracks or anything. I didn’t want to ruin our special music on such an occasion.
I don’t feel that the funeral necessarily means a point in time when you start to move on . It certainly wasn’t for me anyway. It was a ceremony, a sort of celebration of his life but no way did I see this as something I could move on from . Each day following then has been a new mountain to climb . I started in a pit of despair that I needed to climb out of and some days I slip right back into that pit . His funeral was a year ago on Saturday ( 9th March ) . It’s surreal that it was that long ago . In fact , I got rid of the clothes I wore because they were a constant reminder. I couldn’t face wearing them ever again . People talk about funerals in terms of giving someone a good send off - I saw it as an opportunity to honour the man I love . Only then could my true grieving begin . So I would try not to worry about what you are about to face - only you can have your own expectations for what will follow. It will not necessarily mark moving on , it might just give you the opportunity to pause and reflect xxx
We didnt have a funeral for my partner, at his request. But we did have a celebration of his life the same day he was privately cremated. I found myself half wanting the day to come and half dreading it. There was a wonderful turnout, with people we had lost contact with, lifelong friends, family and even neighbours he had grown up with there. It was lovely hearing stories and laughing at his practical jokes. But also ever so sad. Because he should be here to tell those stories, and he was a brilliant and funny storyteller. Although there is occasionally a memory that brings a slight smile to my lips, almost everything makes me cry and i feel so much physical pain i wonder how i might survive. But i have survived every day of the last 5 weeks, somehow. And you will too. One breath, one minute, one hour at a time xxx take care lovely xx
@Rock5 yes I too found myself having to get rid of my partner’s clothes - I could not bear seeing them and not seeing him . I too moved out of the house we rented together there were too many ghosts . Now , I find myself with the opportunity to go back as it has been renovated and I’m not happy in a small flat . So the landlord has agreed I can have the tenancy once again once the work is completed- estimated for April , next month . I’m going to try again there . I think of it as home even though it will be different ( and more expensive) . There will be downsides to going back , but I’m hoping it will work out if only to try again and give the place a chance . I’m nervous now that the arrangement might fall through! I’m currently staying with my dad and i go to my flat to check it’s ok around once a week or so . I’m hoping a fresh start in a familiar house will bring some comfort because I think this is what we all seek isn’t it ? Some comfort from all the mental pain and anguish of our losses xxx