Hi All, it’s Keith’s funeral on Friday, not only am I dreading it for the obvious reasons, I’m also very anxious about who might be there. As my step son has arranged it I only know the brief outline. I have emailed the celebrant myself which I am very glad I did and I have written some words about my husband which the celebrant is honoured she said to read out on my behalf. We were allowed 25 photos for a ‘visual presentation’, I chose 7 from the last 12 years I have known Keith and let the 2 sons choose the rest, 18. I was sent the final lot of photos to check they were OK but it was not until after that I realise 2 of mine are missing. So I have 5. But it’s not just the photos being taken out that’s upset me, it’s the feeling of being pushed to the background. I have no idea who will be going to funeral other than my family and friends who have known Keith for the past 12 years. But then there is his previous life with his wife, who died sadly of cancer in 2009, so I can appreciate his sons wanting the majority of the funeral to represent their 20 or more years as a family, but it’s making me very anxious. I think there will be people there that won’t even know I exist. I’m just getting this off my chest really. My question is, can I sit where ever I want. I want to just hide away with my family and friends. I do not want to sit in the front row with my 2 step sons at all. They have been no comfort whatsoever, yet we used to all get on. Not sure if it is their way of grieving or they actually don’t like me anymore, due to Keith dying intestate, which I have mentioned on here before. It’s still early days and just over a month since he died but feels like it’s been going on for months as I have tried to keep very busy as I am alone in our home. I am an anxious, private shy person, as was Keith, we were happy on our own but equally happy to chat with friends and neighbours, but not to be out socialising, we were homely people. I think I am really going to struggle if there are people there we used to work with. None of them kept in touch over the last 5 years and none of them have been in touch since Keith died, except one who had heard the news via the gossip grapevine and text me, just before Keith died and was in hospital. When he did die, she never got back to me to ask how I was etc. So if they are at the funeral I just don’t want much to do with them. I guess I have the excuse of hiding away in a wet hanky crying. This anxiousness is taking away the reason I am going to the funeral. I just want to get it over with, come home where I feel closest to Keith and carry on keeping busy sorting things out and tidying up ready for probate and selling our home, the next hard stage. Thanks for reading, I do find it helps writing things down, getting it out my head
I lost my Keef (Keith) 2 months ago today and the pain is unbearable. We had a funeral a month after he died but it although it was hard it was more in tune with him as a person. I gave him a natural burial where we celebrated his life. Lots of people came but even though it seemed a somewhat positive experience there was one person missing. I found the whole thing so hard and I was surrounded by family and friends so I can’t imagine what you must be going through, it’s just one of those things we have to get through and tick off our long list. We had been together for almost 44 years so we’d had a full life with together with our children. Sometimes, and I even found this, people want to be competitive about the whole funeral/death thing but I just wanted it to end so that I could get home. I just take each day at a time, some are okay but most are hard, but I’m sure that we’ll never feel whole again. Just try and get through the funeral whichever way you can and then get back to sorting things out. Good luck .
I’ve not read all your post yet but it was just the fact you wrote my Keef, my Keith was My Keefy! I’m from south London. I have had it engraved on an silver bracelet I wear now.
I was told by someone that it doesn’t get easier, we just adjust to the situation. There is no wake at Keiths funeral, but my family all want to come back to my parents house and celebrate our life with Keith and raise a glass to him. Which I am very comfortable with, away from people I may not know. I will stay a few days and then my cousin is driving me home 170 miles away, will stay a night and then I am alone, but with caring neighbours. I know we all are experiencing a tragic situation, all different circumstances but in the end we are all feeling and going through the same emotions. It does help me to know that this is how it goes, this is what happens and we will all more or less go through this, at some stage in our lives. Reading other people’s situations, and feelings and replying on this forum definitely helps me, knowing we are not alone and there is the kindness of strangers
We were from Kent originally so he became Keef because people could never be bothered to pronounce the “th”! When we went to Disneyworld for my 60th in 2018 we both got leather bracelets engraved with our names. Although mine has Gail rather than Guineapig (his pet name for me because I sound like a guineapig when I laugh!) I have kept his and wear it everyday with his real name Keef on.
I do hope Friday goes smoothly, if that is the right thing to say. I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling, not having been able to arrange your husbands funeral.
I think you are right to celebrate his life with the people who really matter to you and not with strangers who you don’t know.
I don’t know what else to say to comfort you but please know that people on this forum do care and will be able to offer kindness and support.
Will be thinking of you and sending lots of hugs. Xx
It is also engraved My Keefy on his wedding ring I know wear around my neck on a silver chain and my wedding ring says My Sweetie, from him. Its funny how these things mean so much more now. I chuckled and am trying to imagine what a guinea pig sounds like laughing ! ha ha
thank you. it means a lot
You made me smile, thank you. Oh, and apparently when I giggle a lot I start to squeak a bit like a guineapig!!