Not sure where to even begin. But my husband has recently had a break down following the death of both his parents. I am desperetly seeking help as he has admitted to even having slight suicidal thoughts. My husband’s dad passed away suddenly last August and his mother was going through treatment for cancer. Once his father passed his mother decided to end treatment and enjoy the time she has left, which my husband down like but supported her decision. She passed away in December in Thorpe Hall hospice. He has just carried on as normal telling me everything is fine he is on Aug just buryong his feeling. I have known for a while something was wrong but I did not want to keep pestering him now 2 days ago he had a break down. I have never seen him like this not even the days or the days following when they passed. I don’t know what to do.
Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your husband’s parents and his recent breakdown. It’s clear from your post that you are really worried about him, which is completely understandable.
Burying feelings can make the grieving process more difficult, and it sounds as though things have come to a head now with this breakdown. Does he now admit that something is wrong, and do you think he would be open to getting some support?
Thorpe Hall offer bereavement support to families. Possibly he didn’t take this up at the time, but it may be something to consider now. You could give them a ring on 01733 225 900 and ask to speak to the family support team to set something up.
If he has had a breakdown and expressed suicidal thoughts, it may be that he also needs some specialist support with this. If you made an appointment with his GP for him to talk about this, do you think he would attend? His GP can refer him to the right support.
The Samaritans are there 24/7 for him if he needs to talk (116 123) - they are there for people whether they have had suicidal thoughts or not.
Mind has some useful information on supporting someone with a mental health issue and supporting someone who feels suicidal.
You might also find this information on supporting a bereaved person useful:
The Loss Foundation - supporting others
Cruse - How to help someone bereaved
We have also had some past conversations on this community about supporting someone who is bereaved, which you might find it helpful to have a read of:
https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/grieving-husband-anger-issues
https://support.sueryder.org/community/end-life/trying-support-my-partner
If you’re ever in a situation where you believe your husband is at risk of harming himself, please call 999, take him to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Priscilla
Community Manager