Husbands grief

I’m at the end of my tether and don’t know where to turn anymore. My husband (50) lost his Dad suddenly in 2018 and his Mum to cancer in 2021. He has has limited counselling and maintains he doesn’t need anymore. His relationship with his only sister is difficult - she is generally an unpleasant person and i am no contact with her.

He seems to be stuck in anger. I get it, i realy do, but i can’t take it anymore. He shouts, is horrendously critical and says spiteful things to me and our 12 yesr old that are designed to wound. Last night, in a fit of temper, he told our 12 year old he didn’t wznt to come to her “stupid” show (we are both performing in an aerial showcase in 2 weeks) and that i was forcing him to go.

This morning he was, as usual ashamed of himself, but this is an all too regular occurance now. I’ve begged him to get more support, i’ve sent him articles, i’ve adked him to go to the doctor’s. He’s been on antidepressants since our daughter was 4 (now 12) so pre bereavement. I’ve ended up telling him this am that i don’t know if i love him anymore and that if he doesn’t sort himself out, he’ll need to leave. I grew up with a depressed, emotionally abusive father and i can’t let that hsppen to our daughtet.

I don’t know what else to do.

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Hello @Aerialist49,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry for your husband’s loss.

When it comes to something as tough as grief, it can be hard to know what to say or do that might help someone you love. Our Grief Kind campaign has lots of resources that can help. You can:

  • Watch our Grief Kind classes. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving
  • Listen to our Grief Kind podcasts. Our Grief Kind podcasts are hosted by author, journalist and Sue Ryder ambassador, Clover Stroud. She speaks with celebrities about their personal experiences of bereavement and the support which helped them most when coping with their grief.
  • Read our guide on supporting someone else who has been bereaved.

I hope that you find these resources helpful. Please take good care of yourself, too - the community is here for you.