It’s been nearly 2 months since I lost my soul mate
I nursed my husband through he’s short battle with cancer
Due to he’s medical needs he was in the spare room. Since he passed I haven’t been in that room
I know I do need to sort he’s things out it’s making me anxious I am waited to be rehoused it will be a smaller place so I won’t beable to keep most of he’s things
My kids want some things but I hate the thought of given he’s stuff away
I’m torn about what to do has anyone else been in the same position?
Thanks Marie
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Hi. Ask a local charity to pick them up…I kept my husband’s jewellery and his two favourite shirts. It is an awful task to deal with. I felt as though I was getting rid of him.
Sending you love and hugs.
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Hi Angie
Thank you for your reply you right it feels like I’m getting rid of him but in an other way I don’t want to keep the room a shrine
Marie x
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hi dotty666 my husband died 2/5/21 so it only been a few months I’ve not been able 2 do much with his things I’ve made sure all his children have something of his I’ve had a memory box made so I can put some stuff in I know how you feel I really don’t want 2 get rid of his stuff 2 we hold on 2 his memories forever
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Hi Sam
I’m sorry for your loss
The memory box is a great idea !!
I will do that when I feel up to it
Take care
Marie x
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Hi Dotty
Its a good idea to get a charity to collect. I did this but let family have some things and kept some of the items I could wear.
I’m afraid that having his clothes in the house and seeing them everyday would have upset me more. I found I didn’t need items to remind me of him. Although his slippers are still by his chair over two years on.
My husband died in a bed in the dining room and I hated that room for a while although I had to pass through it everyday. I eventually did some redecoration and changed some of the furniture.
Good Luck
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I have stopped watching the TV programmes , my partner and me watched, its silly really, but can’t bear, to watch them. I, due to circumstances, had to move, but , my Shell, came with me, in the morning, when I leave for work, I say goodbye, funny but I feel I am leaving her alone in the house. We will survive this, even though it feels, so lonely.
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P.s. I wear the rings on a chain, next to my heart, where she will be for eternity.
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Hi Pattie
So sorry for your loss Thankyou for your advice
Its funny you should say about redecorating I was thinking off doing that myself
Take care
Marie x
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My husband has been gone 19 months I still haven’t sorted his clothing etc, I don’t want to do it yet but I know I will at some point when I am ready, no time is the right time to do these things it’s a very individual process
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Hi I lost my husband 7 months ago and I am only just trying to sort through his belongings. I feel very overwhelmed by it all. I have made memory books with our grandchildren, put together little wicker baskets containing little items that my husband wore like jumpers watches aftershave and created these for our children so they have their own little memory box. For myself I have created a little area of our garden where I have planted flowers and plants that remind me of him. Like carnations he would always buy for me, lavenders from trips to norfolk and Croatia. I will never get over the loss but visiting our special part of the garden just helps remembering our special times.
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My mum died on 10th January. My sister and I are only just picking out clothing that we would like to wear and then we’re sending some to a lady who makes memory bears out of the clothes of the deceased. My sister, daughter and I thought this would be a lovely way to keep her with us
The rest will eventually go to a charity shop I suppose, but that will be for my dad, her husband of 60 years to decide.
I had little choice, about sorting my late partners clothing. We were council tenants, I wasn’t on the tenancy, despite living there for 20 years, I had to move , which ment emptying the house. Little time for sentiment, maybe in a perverse way it was a good thing. I am in a bungalow now, Shell came with me has her own space in the corner. We were on the list for a modified bungalow, so we got the bungalow we wanted, sad, that I am the only resident, Shell here in spirit though.
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I lost my husband in March of this year. Late June his son came and sorted through his clothes, taking the items he wanted. I thought I was ready to take the rest to a charity shop but the whole thing upset me. So I stopped!! Folded his remaining items and placed them in the loft. So I don’t have to look at them all the time, which I found just as upsetting but I get comfort from knowing they are still in the house. …… until such time I am ready for them to go. If there is one thing I have come to realise during this horrible journey, I’m never going to know how I will feel about making any changes until I attempt to do so but I do know that if it doesn’t suit at that time then I can just stop …… and wait …. Until I feel ready to try again.
On a slightly different note, as memories only bring me pain at the moment, as selfishly I wanted more, I try not to put myself in to many situations that we would have done as a couple …… right down to not eating certain meals that he cooked, items of food that were his favourites don’t go in the shopping basket and I can’t watch any programmes we both used to love to watch as it’s to painful …. So I don’t.
Over a period of time when I manage to accomplish any of these things I will know I am making steps in the right direction regardless how small those steps might be.
My thoughts are with you all as we battle throw this nightmare xx
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Hi there Dee
I am over two years in grief and I can so relate to your way of thinking. I went at everything like a mad thing in the beginning and all but burnt myself out. But long story short I have found that to manage my own personal grief is on the same lines as you. I realised that when I was ready I would know and that is how I have controlled my life along with the grief since. I did continue with the interests that we shared and that was a lifesaver for me. Hard at first with bucket loads of tears but with perseverance I am coping.
You are so right and when you start to accomplish the things that you find hard at this moment you will know that you are ready. There are still things that I can’t do, that will reduce me to a wreck of a person but with time!!! I don’t let these things worry me now. I will just wait a little longer.
You are so right when you say it is a battle and it is up to every individual how they want to fight it. And without doubt we have to sometimes dig deep to find our way.
xxx
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