I am a mess

17 weeks ago I lost my partner. She and I had been together for 40 years.
I am a mess. I do have her children to support me and me them, but I am finding it harder not easier as the weeks go by.
I cant face groups, meeting etc at the moment and have discovered this forum.
Already it has helped me to know I am not alone with the massive amount of emotions and feeling, both mental and physical, I am experiencing. Thank you.
I will try to contribute as and when but meantime, thank you for sharing………


Dear @Milly456

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your partner and that you are a mess. Grief is a horrible journey to be on. I see you had 40 years together, what wonderful memories you must have.

Have you seen the blog by Sue Ryder Losing a Partner , it may be of help to you along with the following resources. The Grief Coach may especially be of help to you.

  • The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
  • Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
  • Information on the Stages of Grief
  • Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through

There is an organisation called The Silver Line which is a helpline for anyone aged 55 and over. They provide friendship, conversation and support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The number is 0800 4 70 80 90 and it is free.

This may be of help to you and sometimes it helps to talk to people outside of friends and family. This organisation is amazing, and it would be worth you looking at the website. There is also AtALoss which helps bereaved people find support and well-being. It may well be worth you taking a look at the website for support.

You need to take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. We the Community are here for you, you are not alone, we understand the pain of losing a loved one. Keep talking to us here. Take care of yourself.


Hi there Millybagel
I think you will find that we are all a mess in the early days so don’t despair. The time you have been grieving is no time I’m afraid so give yourself that time. I never had a problem with mixing but found that it took me about a year before I could even mix with friends. When you are ready you will know. After three years I started to show interest in things that I thought I would never bother with again. Life tends to find us.


Dear Millybagel, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved husband suddenly on Valentine’s Day this year. Still cannot believe that I will not see him again or go to the cinema holding hands etc. I am on my own and suffering terribly. We were about 26 years together and 15 years and 2 months happily married. To lose the love of your life after 40 years together must have a devastating impact on your life. Just take small steps every day, there is no time limit to do things. When you feel you have to go out, go out. When you feel you have to cry, cry. It is completely normal. You are not alone. We all have good hours or days and then we break down again because we hear a song or see a film or read something and it triggers a memory and we cry our eyes out. I have my husband’s urn in my bedroom and I hug him and kiss him, sometimes I smile sometimes I cry. I am thinking of you and sending a big hug from Anna


Thank you so much Peppers. Crying at your kindness and information given. :+1:


Thank you for your kind words :pray:

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Thank you so much Anna. I have a small shrine around her ashes. I was never one for religion but can so understand why we have these special places. I talk to her all the time and yes, I am so grateful for our time together. I just miss her so…….
This forum is wonderful. Thank you