I am being bullied since becoming a widow

I lost my husband last Christmas day. His death was sudden and I was in shock for quite a while. My Mum died a few days after his funeral and I felt as if I had been set adrift. I forced myself to find a job and socialise. I now work behind a bar for a few days a week. It is in a club that my husband and I belonged to but I was terrified at first but my confidence is coming back, but now I am suffering some really nasty bullying by a customer. She actually said to me that she never liked my husband and didn’t care that he was dead… And that it was good riddance as far as she was concerned. She questions every move I make, blames
me for any little thing that goes wrong in the bar, even if I am not there, and has even accused me of dishonesty. She is now making comments that I might be a danger to other women with regards to their husbands and partners. What is wrong with this woman. I am still grieving yet she assumes that I will be after another man. I have made it clear that I don’t want another man in my life but that I do miss my husband and his company. I can’t have a go back at her as I am worried about loosing my job. I have told my employers and they have suggested changing my shifts to nights to minimise my contact with this woman. I just don’t know what to say to her to stop this bullying I would rather not have to work nights as I have to lock the p!ace up come home alone in the early hours of the morning. If I leave, I am letting her win and that solves nothing. Any suggestions?

Thanks, I am having a meeting tomorrow with a committee member so hopefully we can resolve it. I might suggest that we call her in to face me with a witness present. She will deny it, she always does, but I do have witnesses to some of it so that will not work this time.

Hello Kezz.
What a terrible shame you’ve come up against such cruelness. You’ve had some good advice from Sheila.
I hope your meeting goes ok. Please be cautious with this woman. Do you know her well, what she may be capable of if she is crossed do you know her friends and family? May she or her family and friends become hostile and cause an awkward amosphere whilst you are at work? May she resent your intervention and start having a go outside of work as well? I don’t mean to sound negative or defeatist because it absolutely admirable of you to want to eradicate this nastiness. It’s not what you deserve, You have the right to be able to go about your daily business at work. It’s just knowing how to solve it a way that doesn’t open you up to any more hostility and danger/fear whilst at work. I hope it gets sorted for you. All the best.

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Had a meeting yesterday. It had been reported and logged. She came in yesterday and was nice as pie. I told her that I was not putting up with any more accusations. I hope she has got the message. She doesn’t know about the meeting but at least if anything else occurs. It is recorded that I have informed them prior to any new developments. Let’s hope it will stop now. thanks

Trust me Tina, if she did try it outside work she would regret it. My problem is that I have to be professional whilst there. I don’t think she would even consider it if I my hands were not tied. In my experience, bullies only go for the vulnerable because deep down it is they who are insecure. She was nice yesterday to the point of crawling. But I think that over the weekend she got the message that she had pushed me too far. I have informed the committee and it has all been logged so we will see how it goes. Thanks for your support, I do appreciate it x

Glad to hear things sound more positive for you now. In some cases you never know what’s lurking in the woodwork when you take a stand do you but it’s good she’s realised she has crossed the line. Well done.

I am soooooo sorry you have to experience the ugliness of humanity. All I can say is hurt people hurt. There is something so dark and deep in that person’s soul and the light that shines through you is irritating the hell out of her. You are a survivor and you are strong. Keep moving forward and doing what gives you happiness, comfort and peace. Karma will catch up to that woman and her payback will be harsh.

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I never used to believe in possession but…there is something in a person like that that wants to hurt people. They seem to get their satisfaction from it, but that does not in the least make it acceptable. When you are still grieving the very last thing you want is that kind of experience. It does look if it’s being resolved, but as someone said, a bully has to be confronted and told where to get off. It takes courage to do that, but unless you do she will just go on. A Bully will seek out the vulnerable and you are vulnerable at this time, but once confronted and told how you feel they so ooften back down. One thing you must not do. Blame yourself! There Is no blame attached to you whatsoever. Nasty people are often lonely and bitter people and we must, as far as we can, forgive them because they don’t really know how they hurt others. Keep safe, it will all work out.

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Hi, I’m new to this site but have been following it since my darling husband Ian died 16 weeks ago. I identify with so many of you. Although I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren he was my life. He was only 60 and lived with cancer for 3yrs 8mths before he passed. I feel so overcome with my grief, the pain is unbearable at times, I love and miss him so much. Two days after he passed his immediate family, daughter, 2 sisters and brother stopped talking to me. After 14 years together I have been treated like a “bit on the side”.
These people I shared my life with, I’m Ian’s second wife but according to them I’m nothing. Stepdaughter was vile to me. Threatened to hit me and shouted insults. Needless to say I need to forgive them their lack of empathy and compassion and hope they find peace. My darling is with me everyday. Sorry it’s a long post. I feel for you all here but at least we know true love, now and forever
Love
Julie xx

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