Hi Deborah
Long day for me in work. I work as an enforcement officer dealing with the public and sometimes I have to get away from them especially when I’m thinking about my mum. It’s hard what I do I get so much abuse from day to day. I am used to it but when I do get it I am holding back because of how I’m feeling.
I have read what you have said and my grief is so personal to me. I know I have my mum by my side I can’t describe how it feels all I know it gives me comfort like you won’t believe. This job I do has made me the person I am so much stronger able to face what is thrown at me. Even this grief has taught me how strong I am
I remember when I first began my job I was fat as anything over 20 stone now I’m 11 stone. I didn’t think I could do this job but I kept thinking to myself that my mum would want me to succeed so to make her proud I challenged myself I told myself you can do this do it not just for yourself but your mum to. I can’t describe this either but I feel like my mum has helped me to carry on
You mentioned sighs from my mum I have tried and nothing is happening I even thought she’d show me a sign when I was crying but still nothing. Maybe I’m looking to hard
Hi Steven,
I read somewhere that if you look for signs they don’t appear. The ones I have had have been such a surprise for me and they have appeared when and where I least expected them. You will have signs.
My job before I retired involved dealing with the public and like you I had a lot of abuse over my 35 yrs working. However my mum taught me to kill people with kindness and that’s now that I tell my son when he tells me his his day has gone. He tells me in the moment he always remembers my words and I remind him they were nans.
I remember the first day I retired I said to someone that now I could be horrible to people. It wasn’t a very nice thing to say but it made me laugh.
Yes being in the public domain working is tough going but every job is tough going these days. Always aim to be the best person you can be and that way you can rest assured you are making your mum proud.
My mum was like a wise old owl. She always seemed to know the right things to say and go and since her passing I have tried to do the same. I always try to think before I say anything and although it’s hard sometimes I realise it’s best. And saying nothing sometimes is better than saying stupid things .
I try to think WWMD.What would mum do?. And believe it or not it works.
I know my mum would want me to thoroughly enjoy my life, to travel, to go out, to meet people, to have fun and be there for my family.
It’s only now I can come to terms with this though and it’s taken 15 months. I am certainly nowhere near over her and never will be but I know she and I both knew and everyone who knew us that I gave 100% to her so I can honestly say I couldn’t have done more That in itself makes me very proud and I know she is with me even though I can’t see her.
I’m fact I am so glad she’s still with me because I know she will guide me through my life to make the right decisions which in a way takes a load of my mind.
Hope I am making sense.
Keep going,keep working hard,keep being patient with the public, keep your mum’s memory alive and keep looking after yourself.
Keep telling yourself positive things like how well you are doing. Celebrate good days somehow even if it’s treating yourself to something. All the silly daft things we do to help us get through each day will help.
Small steps ok
Deborah
Hello Deborah.
You say I will have signs. I am so desperate to get them. More than anything because right now I feel like I have been robbed by death taking my mum I didn’t ask for this grief.
So I ask you can you promise me I will definitely have signs from my mum?
I need it because I can’t go on like this without my mum. Promise me
Good morning @Steven
You mum will definitely be giving you signs but they may be very subtle.
I recently had a reading with a psychic media and she really helped me find comfort in knowing my Andrew was safe and all around me. She said things only he would have said to me, it really was lovely. She also said we can ask archangel Micheal for help to communicate with out loved ones that have passed. She also said spirits struggle to connect with us with be are in the deep depths of grieve, she advised that they are drawn to love and when we think about them on a positive light.
Hi Katyn and Steven,
I just read your posts and Katyn I was fascinated that you went to see a psychic medium. I have never visited one but would love to find a good one.Maybe Steven this is something you could look into.
From what I have read and indeed experienced Steven is we see signs when we least expect them. My signs have been linked to my mum so I know for sure they are signs. For example I saw a poster once in a car hire office that had the date February 6th written in it in big writing. That was the day of my mum’s funeral and that day I had gone to hire a van to clear her house. It was like she was telling me she was with me.
On another day I was at a carnival and a Scottish bagpipers group were playing as part of the musical entertainment and they played the song played at my mum’s funeral. Now the song was a Welsh song called Calon Lan which is a well known Welsh song . What were the chances of a Scottish bagpipers group playing that. It happened on the first day I had ventured out anywhere after my mum passed away which was months later so I took it as her being with me.
Another day as I was clearing her house I came across old fashioned ornaments that I had often teased mum about getting rid of them and she used to say no way. Anyway on this particular day I was trying to decide which ornaments to keep and wound one up as it was musical. Well it didn’t stop playing for 2 hrs and there is no way that should have happened. Throughout the day it started numerous times on its own.
I left the house but returned approx 8 hrs later and it was off . No sound at all. I went to bed in her house and within 5 minutes it started playing. I hadn’t touched it. It came on a few times during the night.
It only happened that night. Since then I have brought it back to my house and nothing has happened.
Strange things have happened with lights. On the evening she died the oven bulb ,wax burner bulb,camera bulb,ceiling bulbs all stopped working. Two nights later whilst staying at her house I got so upset my husband almost phoned a doctor. I went to bed to try to sleep and as my husband came up to check on me the stairway light fitting exploded. My husband was a healthy and safety inspector for buildings and said in 40 yrs he had only ever seen that happen once .So I know it was a sign from my mum.
I could go on and on.
As Katyn said the signs will be subtle. Only you will know if it’s your mum.They will be things connected to her that you will know straight away it’s her.
Have you seen white feathers by your door or in your garden, or found a coin in a strange place ,smelt her perfume , lights flicker,telephone rings for no reason etc. if you Google signs from loved ones it’s so interesting.
My son never believed in signs until he had one. He was extremely close to his nan. Every year since him being a child he spent time on his birthday with her. Of course last year he couldn’t. He was away working abroad and was staying in a hotel. On his birthday he checked into a hotel and found his room Outside his door was a white feather.It was my mum saying she hadn’t forgotten his birthday no matter where in the world he was. He certainly believes in signs now.
Just be patient with it all and when you least forget about signs you will notice one.
Deborah
Hi Seychelles
Thank you
For quite some time I have been trying to get around my head of an experience that happened few years ago. You know what you could be right about least expecting a sign.
One day I went upstairs to my bedroom at my dad’s and I heard a song playing on my Alexa device it was Annie’s song( my mums name was Anne and my dad used to call her Annie) I know it was my mums favourite and my dads to. The strangest thing is no one not even me had asked Alexa to play the song which we had played at my mums humanist funeral. I asked my dad if he requested it he said he hadn’t and there is no way Alexa would play it without being prompted. It upset me that much I asked Alexa to stop playing and it didn’t respond. It ignored me. The most strangest of all Alexa played a Frankie and valli song without being prompted yet again. Once again I asked Alexa to stop playing. When both songs stopped playing I immediately thought it has to be my mum. To this day I still trying to get my head around it. While I have difficulty believing in feathers or physics I have same difficulty believing in signs. That experience had to be my mum. What else would it be? I’d even checked my Alexa app and there was strangely no record of both songs being played. Weird!!! I had contacted Amazon and they couldn’t explain it without there being a record. Every Alexa device keeps a record of every interaction.
I’m still asking myself what could have caused that to happen. I’ve heard that our loved ones can use technology to contact us or to send a sign. It has to be true. I want it to happen
Our technology is getting more advanced with artificial intelligence so our loved ones may have a way to reach us. Please let it be true
Hi Steven,
Yes I believe that could have been your mum sending you a sign.
Sometimes when something strange happens we must ask ourselves is it a sign . Sometimes something happens with me and I start thinking its a sign but then realise its not…
The ones like your song playing are very special because I am sure they are signs.
Something like that you just cant explain
Its fascinating when you google about signs
Deborah
Hi Deborah
I’ll certainly google signs.
Yeah it happened couple of years after I lost my mum. It’s very weird. I mean Annie’s song is actually about my mum. My dad always told me that.
What makes it so special is the way it just played when I wasn’t expecting it. I truly believe something happened that day.
I’ve even times in my sleep I feel like my mum reaching out to me. One I had was I’d had a day in work I had so much abuse booking cars that it had got to me it’s unusual for me and in the dream my mum kept saying to me im by your side I kept running to her I just wanted to put my arms around her but I couldn’t get to her.
Hi Steven,
There you are then. You are getting signs from your mum. It’s just all about realising they are signs.
Am so glad you have realised they are your mum.
I have written all the signs I have seen down in a notebook and it’s so lovely to look back and read them.
Just jot down the date ,time and what happened. I have even taken photos of things like feathers and the Scottish bagpipers to remind me. Not that I would ever forget but it’s more interesting.
I awoken once in the middle of the night and started thinking of mum . Got terribly upset and was thinking I should get up bec the dark was making it worse. After about 10 mins I saw a light and thought it was coming from my garden. I had brought mum’s solar garden lights back that day and placed them in tubs below my bedroom window so thought it was them. I got up but no it wasn’t them. I have fairy lights on my window that I had never used and had been meaning to take them downstairs for ages. Hadn’t switched them on for years in fact I didn’t realise the batteries still worked. It was these lights that had come down on their own. It was my mum I am sure being there for me when I was so upset.
There was a post on here about signs and I found it so interesting about what people had received.
Deborah
I love your reply Deborah on how you include your Mum in your home and your daily life 
I soon have to face the job of packing up mums home and returning to my own house which i am dreading, as my own house holds no memories of mum. I have already created a memory table and a pair of her slippers are tucked under the table. I want to bring bits of her home over to mine such as crockery, ornaments, bedding so that hopefully it will make her feel that bit closer. I have a spare bedroom so want to put her bedding and jewellery box in there, so that i feel shes staying with me. I talk and write to her every day, but i am really scared about the thought of “dismantling” her home as it feels like the final connectionto her… If you have any other tips for keeping my mums memory and presence alive, id love to hear them 
Hi Ally,
I kept my mum’s house for 15mths before selling it as I just couldn’t part with it. I personally needed somewhere to go and before mum passed I told her I was going to keep it for a while so i could go there and feel near to her. She understood as I stayed with her 4 or 5 nights a week there and we went everywhere together.
It was comforting going there but if course not the same with mum not there. I used to pretend she was upstairs or out in the garden. I stayed there on my own many times and felt mum there with me.
As the executor I had no choice but to sell her house and settle the estate for my brother and sister who lived away. They were fine about me keeping it for ever but common sense prevailed that I had to complete the estate.
When I put it up for sale I told the estate agent I was in no rush to sell and would only take the asking price not a penny less. This was my idea of kteeping it for as long as possible. Imagine the shock I had when it sold for the asking price within 5 hrs and I had 3 buyers offering it. I couldn’t back out and I felt so upset when I really should have been happy.
Mum’s house is 35 mikes away from my house so I carried on going there and sometimes it was just for an hour other times longer maybe overnight. Each time I went there I took a black bag and emptied a draw or cupboard and didn’t look through anything just put things in the black bag then in the car and came home with them. It was here that I then went through everything and sometimes I could only do 10 mins at a time but i wad in my own house so it was far less upsetting than doing it at mums.
Gradually over the months I emptied every draw wardrobe and cupboard upstairs I found this easier as when I went into the house downstairs was just the same so I could pretend mum was upstairs.
Then I started on the kitchen and we never really cooked there just made a cuppa each time. Did the same. Emptied every cupboard took every home and sorted bit by bit very very slowly.
Mum had two dressers that were her pride and joy do I left those until the very end. My husband dismantled the furniture in 2 bedrooms and we slept in the untouched third one. I shut the doors of the other rooms so I couldn’t see them empty when I went upstairs. We made sure before we went to the house that we each had our own list of jobs to do so we didn’t discuss anything there and just stuck to it. We never did more than what we planned for each visit so it wouldn’t get over upsetting. My husband ploughed through his list and I got on with mine. Over time we brought everything back to my house I think I kept 95%of everything.
I threw out a lot of my own furniture and kept mum’s. My son is buying a flat so he is having lots of her things. Very little went to the charity shop. We hired a van and transported every ourselves except for the heavy bulky things and got a removal company.
Here’s a photo of mum’s settee in my house
I can honestly say I felt mum with me every time I was clearing her things. She was making me strong,guiding me telling me to get on with it lol.
I have a spare bedroom where mum’s ashes are and I have put her duvet cover on the bed and matching curtains. Her dressing gown is hanging behind the door that I wear now. Her artificial flowers are in a vase in her bedroom just like she had them at her house
I will post again with other things I did
Love Deborah x
Thank you Deborah. Its hard because i feel mums house is more like home than my own house. I always used to stay over at weekends before covid, and then lived there permanently the last 12 months whilst caring for mum. I dont have a partner or children waiting for me at my house, its just an empty house with very few memories. I did contemplate buying mums house but i know it would not make practical sense - it would be heart over head. My dread is like you say that it gets sold immediately, its a bungalow so they are always popular! 
Hiya Ally,
Take your time selling it bec you may change your mind. Could you move into your mum’s house and let yours maybe. That way you could go back to your house if you ever needed to.
The house mum lived in was my childhood home so I remember being about 9 yrs when we moved there and how exciting it was for us to have a brand new house I am 66 now so she lived there a long time . I felt I knew the house I side out as I did everything for her and the house and also lived there with her for the last 5 months of her life. It was massive selling it.
As I lived 35 mikes away I was constantly worried so wine would break in even though the neighbours looked out for anything unusual and let me know
I still feel lost that it’s been sold which was only on march 27 th so early days yet
Do whatever feels right for you bec there are always ways round everything even if you moved back to your mum’s house.
I have put everything into my dining room here and am still sorting through boxes. It’s fine bec I can do it slowly.
Just do things slowly by replacing things in your own house with your mum’s things.
Let me know how you get on so keep in touch
Deborah x
Thank you for this message, it resonates well with me and my struggle with grief as I am currently experiencing the same feeling (guilt) as Steven about my mum, the difference is that my own story is terrible but your words are so soothing. Thanks to you and everyone on this thread.
Hi Steven,
I’m struggling with similar things to you’ve written about. I’m an only child and Mum used to say I was her entire world.
We went to Orlando for her 70th birthday in November 2024 and we were only there for a couple of days before she started complaining of neck pain and she was tired and not hungry. I know I was impatient with her because I was so scared, every night I hoped she’d feel better and I was so disappointed every morning when she wasn’t. I encouraged her to eat and went out and bought food for her to try. Eventually I called the doctor and she said it was a muscle spasm and Mum was dehydrated.
A couple of days later I woke up and found her collapsed on the floor in our hotel room. Hotel staff and the paramedics couldn’t resuscitate her. I feel so guilty that I was impatient with her when she was poorly and that I was asleep when she passed away. It eats me up inside because she was the best Mum anybody could wish for and it feels like I failed her. All I ever wanted to do was protect Mum.
The only thing that has helped even slightly is I’ve set up a blog and I write letters to Mum every day. When she was here, we could talk about anything. It helps me try and work through my feelings and still feel close to her.
All the best, Jill
Hi. Seychelles A reply to an old post I know but wanted to ask you a question. I lost my mum 3 years ago and i am drowning in guilt. I was horrible to her the year before she died, we were on holiday and we argued and I said the most horrible worlds, I was intentionally cruel. This happened again when my mum was in rehab just before her death, she was so ill and had delirium, wouldn’t speak or turn to face me and again, I lost my temper and was horrible on purpose. Our relationship was amazing and we were each others lives. My life was amazing with my perfect mum yet I can’t remember the 52 years of perfect, all I can remember is these 2 things and I’m drowning in so much guilt, it’s killing me. You told Steven that as a mum, they forgive and forget everything and I know my mum did, for both. But I can never go back and say I’m sorry or change things. I’m sinking with these guilt, it’s killing me. I wish I could talk to my mum and tell her I’m sorry and hear her reply
Wow Seychelles, this is my second message to you on this thread. I’ve photocopied your replies as I’m struggling to cope without my mum and going through a lot of grief. Your replies are amazing, you are an amazing, kind, positive person. Your answers are helping me, your mum would be so proud of the person you are
Hi Lisa892,
First of all thank you. Thank you for your kind words.
I try to be positive because quite simply what’s the point of being negative for ever ?
We all get down times but we mustn’t let those down times define us. Of course I get them too and they are overwhelming when they take hold. I think it’s nipping them in the bud before they get bigger and take control. I usually do something and it can be anything just to distract me for a while. Night time is worse so I get up and do little jobs around the house. Then eventually I get so tired I fall asleep.
My grief has eased a little as it’s now almost 3 yrs for me since I lost my mum.
As for you feeling guilty about not being nice to your mum then please realise that it’s grief making you feel the way you do.
Your mum was very ill so she wouldn’t have realised what was happening so I doubt she felt you were horrible to her.
Maybe you were but you were most probably realising you were losing her and it was your body’s way of reacting. I can honestly tell you that when you are faced with the fact that someone close to you is dying your mind goes into overdrive and quite honestly you dont know what you are saying or doing at times.
I can definitely say without a shadow of doubt that a mother’s love is unique. The love between a mother and son/ daughter is like a golden thread entwining them for ever. These are not my words but words of the vicar that came to see me after mum passed. I often think about them as it’s true.
We have all hurt our mum’s at some stage in our lives and my son has hurt me at times. But do I love him any less or did my mum love me less. No !!!
Please stop beating yourself up over something that happened when you were not yourself. If your mum realised anything then she would have dismissed it straight away. The fact that you were there with her was enough. Sometimes it’s so hard to accept that just being there was enough.
I sat with my mum holding her hand constantly for approx a week playing music, reading to her, putting nail varnish on her nails, styling her hair etc whilst she couldn’t speak or communicate with me. But she definitely knew I was there and that was enough. It’s so tough now looking back and thinking you should have done this that or the other more. Just remember you were there and you were enough for your mum despite how you think otherwise.
Whatever decisions you made at the time were the right decisions based on the knowledge you had at the time.
Now looking forward what you need to do is continue to make your mum proud. You don’t need to sink further and further with guilt. You are in control not guilt. Make some sort of plan to distract yourself and work on your own wellbeing.
You honestly can do it. Think about your career, workplace, hobbies, friends, wellbeing activities like walking in nature, beach walks etc.
Have a project that could be ongoing such as decorating a room, making something, gardening etc
Try volunteering to help you get your self worth back.
Listen to soothing music or meditation tapes.
Join classes eg dance, yoga, keep fit. Anything to keep you interested in something to stop the guilt feelings creeping in.
These are just a few things that may help.
But keep telling yourself you are doing your best and that’s enough. It really is.
Sending love
Deborah
Thank you so so much. I know you are right. I am still drowning in grief and just having a bad few days as I’ve been off work ill so I guess growing a bit. I know you are right in everything you say, my mum would hate to see my so sad still and struggling, it’s just hard to live without her. My heart is still breaking without her. You are so kind and so wise. I swear I must have read every reply to every post about losing a parent on this forum. So many wise words, so many things I feel and recognise but you words, your wisdom and your kindness stood out above all. What an amazing daughter and mum you are. Thank you. 
Aww Lisa 892,
No need to thank me. I try to look out for new people in here and reach out to them especially if no one has replied to them.
It helps me when I try to help others.
As you say you know some of the things I posted are right but it’s very difficult implementing them. Very easy to write but actually motivating oneself to sort things out is another matter. Believe me when I say I have tried and failed hundreds of times.
You will find things that help you. It will take time but it will ease.
One of my things that I found is to carry a small passport photo of mum in my pocket when I go out anywhere. It was a hideous photo that she absolutely hated and always tried to grab it so she could tip it up. Omg she looks really vicious in it and that wasn’t her at all. She was so sweet and gentle and had a lovely smiley face. Well I don’t know what happened on the day of the photo. I carry it with me everywhere as sometimes when I am out something triggers me and I start crying and then get anxious when people look at me. So I get the photo out straight away and honestly it makes me laugh because I remember how mad she was with it and how she used to try to grab it off me. It really goes work so look for a very funny photo.
Also if I bump into anyone that I know will ask me something about mum I just say hi and say I am in a rush to catch a train or bus or see someone and quickly dash away.
Also if I start wondering in the middle of the night about memories I instantly get up go downstairs band make a cuppa. The darkness makes everything so much worse so I sit downstairs for a while or go some jobs. You don’t want to know how many times I have watered my plants at 4am !!! Or ironed, washed up, dusted etc. I have a photo of mum in my lounge and I always say " here I am again mum" and I swear I see a sort if smile on her face!
Thankfully I am retired now so can do that but if you work then of course it’s more difficult but get up just for ten minutes because it really helps.
I am making a new year’s resolution to sort my wellbeing out. Do until then I am going to carry on line I am but Jan it all changes. I know there are many things I need to work on or change. One is going out more because I have lost my confidence and feel safe in my home. This has caused me to put on weight so I need to diet and eat healthier.
Need to go on longer walks not just during the summertime.
Need to sociable more and rekindle friendships that I have neglected.
Want to lift myself up from grief by having my hair cut more often, dressing nicer, wearing make up again and jewellery. All the things that I used to take for granted.
So I too.have a hell of a lot to work on.
I had cancer a few years ago and after 6 weeks of me having a major cancer op my lovely mum was diagnosed with lung cancer so I cared for her thoughout her major op of having half her lung removed and the months afterwards. She lived for five years after and was cancer free. She actually passed away from a twisted small intestine which was totally unexpected.
We went through our cancers and treatments together and went to every appointment together so we became closer than we could ever have imagined.
So now I am more than ever determined to sort myself out and continue to do her proud.
So look out 2026 as there’s a new me emerging lol.
You can do it too.
Keep posting ok. Make it a daily target.
Deborah x
.