I went to the library but I could feel that I am having a really bad day today. Firstly I did not want to get up this morning and I started crying immediately. Then I thought just stop thinking, just get up, make yourself ready and go. I felt already dizzy and sickly because my blood pressure was going up and down as a jo-jo. And I felt so terribly alone. After I returned home I started crying and could not stop at all. I was so stressed and sad that I started looking up the Dignitas site in Switzerland. I just did not want to go on anymore. I was sad and very down before but never as bad as today. It is almost five months since I lost my beloved husband and it is getting worse. I have no one to talk to and I don’t even think it would help me. Only my strong belief stops me from killing myself. It is a terrible lonely existence with no hope only with tears and despair. Hopefully, I will be better tomorrow. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
Hi, so sorry to read you’re feeling so bad today, it would have been my wifes 47th birthday today, so i have an idea as to how youre feeling i think.
At these times it’s so hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel, but just today on here I’ve seen a couple of people saying that things do improve, in time.
Like yourself probably, I’m finding that hard to believe at the moment, but i trust the lovely people on here, and I’m looking forward to better days.
Would It be worth having a chat to your GP about how you’re feeling ? They may ge able to offer some help, not always medical, but maybe a little bit of counselling might help you get through these awful times.
I agree, the loneliness is the worst thing, i find the evenings and mornings the worst times.
Sending hugs back at you, take care 
Hi @Annaessex,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really stressed and lonely right now.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, Anna, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
Can you join a bereavment group @Annaessex ? I think it would be really good for you. I think you need to meet people. Try and google one in your area. You only need to try it once and see how it is ? You never know you may like it even ? xxx
@Annaessex I’m sorry you had a very bad day. Like others have said I would try to find support. I contacted Cruse for bereavement support but found they weren’t very helpful. But others have found them good so worth a try. MacMillan, local churches, your local hospital etc may also offer bereavement support. I have also joined the jolly dollies (it’s a social group for widows, nationwide). Anything is worth a try. I have family & friends and I really struggle with loneliness. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be without them. Sending hugs.
@Annaessex im so sorry youre having such a bad day, this journey is so hard but im a little bit further on than you and im here to tell you it does get easier. My hubby was 47 and passed suddenly and unexpectedly 9 months ago and i miss him terribly, tears are never far away but those feelings of raw grief and despair and the meltdowns happen less often now. Ive had 2 counsellors, the 2nd so much better than the first, counselling very much depends on if you ‘click’. Podcasts can help, karen sutton is good, shes a widow herself so understands what were going through. As others have suggested keep talking to us on here. This forum really is a lifesaver
Sending love xx