Yes sharing our grief does definitely help just knowing your not on your own
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Hi Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife in similar circumstances five weeks ago. She had a massive blood clot and couldn’t be saved. She was also only 57.
We were together for forty years and I have never been with anyone else nor have I lived or travelled alone. The future terrifies me. I have no family or friends close by and I am struggling to cope with this on my own.
My wife was absolutely everything to me. We didn’t care about the material things in life. We didn’t have a big house, go on fancy holidays or buy new cars. We were just happy with each other and that’s all we needed. She was also my best friend and we did everything together.
I feel like I also died at the same time as my wife. Life without her is no life at all. I know it’s only five weeks since she died but the agony and horror of her not being here is getting worse day by day.
She shouldn’t have died. She should still be here enjoying life. Last New Year’s eve she gave me a big hug and whispered to me that 2024 would be our year.
Just a few weeks before she died, she told me how happy she was to be with me and that she was in the best possible place.
Now she’s gone and I can’t come to terms with her not being here. The agony and the tears just won’t go away.
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I feel the same, soxy. It’s only been five weeks for me but I am already getting tired of being told what to do by people who have never been through anything like this.
The few people who did support me at the very beginning have now drifted away like I should be over it by now. It is beginning to hit me now that my wife will never be coming back and I need that support now more than ever but they are not there for me.
When I do go out, I see couples together and it breaks my heart to think that should be my wife and me. Why did she have to leave me? Where has she gone?
It is so cruel. People have no idea what we are going through. It is absolute torture.
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Oh Dave, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can’t believe how much this seems like I wrote it!!! Same way to pass at the same age. Only difference is that I was with her for 37 years. Everything you say is exactly hiw I feel. At times it just hits me in this sureal way, like it’s simply unbelievable that this person I did everything with is no more. I have been watching tons of youtube videos on after life or nde’s, and that has helped. All I kept saying to her when she was out was that I would find her one day.
Try things like that. Tomorrow marks 12 weeks, and have started to write a journal to her. That also helps. Also go out as much as you can and see more people. Ones that really care.
Where do you live in this cruel world? I live in Vancouver Canada.
Anyhow, I hope your days will be less painful ones. Take care, Rob
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Hi Rob, Our situations are so similar. I can relate to everything you are going through.
I keep asking myself how can someone who has been there for my whole adult life be gone in a matter of minutes? She was so full of life right up to the moment she collapsed.
We had been out for the day on the Saturday before she died and she did some gardening on the Sunday. On Monday morning, she went upstairs to log on for work and fifteen minutes later she was gone.
I am in absolute turmoil over what I could have done differently to save her. I would have done anything. I loved her so, so much and always will.
I was never a great believer in the after-life but now I just can’t accept that someone can just disappear into nothing. I will search for the videos in the hope that they may give me some comfort and reassurance. Thank you so much for that.
I am quickly finding out who my real friends are and sadly there aren’t many. I do need to get out of the house and find people who do care and understand. Everyone on here is amazingly kind and supportive and I would love to meet you all in person but I know that is just not practical.
You are in my thoughts Rob and I will be especially thinking of you tomorrow for your 12 weeks. Take care I hope the pain lessens for you too.
I am in Lancashire in England and sending you a hug all the way to Vancouver.
Look after yourself, Dave.
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Thanks Dave, if you ever feel the need to share your feelings about your loss, feel free to reach out here. I too only have a handful of friends to rely on. Everyone else seems to go on with thier lives which is understandable. Lets try and be as strong as we can, as I know our wives would not want us to suffer like this.
Big hug back to you all the way from Vancouver.
Thanks Rob. I’m finding it hard to go out and seeing couples together. I keep thinking that was me a few weeks ago, I was happy.
People from my wife’s office came to collect her work things yesterday. I knew they would be coming but it was hard to deal with.
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Yes, I know how difficult that must have been for them to collect her things. I can’t remove anything of Barbara’s stuff and don’t plan on doing that for a long long time. But why should we, right? It’s the only thing we have that keeps us held together. I never would want to make my home feel like she’s not here.
I think we are going to struggle with Christmas my friend, but thankful that her family in San Diego wants me to be with them. My relationship with them will always be strong, if not stronger. I hope you also have her family to support you and each other. They also must be devastated.
I haven’t felt as close to others on this thread, but our situation just seems so alike, that I feel we can help each other when we need to talk about our grief.
Stay in touch, and try and stay as well as you can while we ride this roller coaster…
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I made a big mistake in getting rid of a lot of my wife’s clothes. My thinking was that they were no longer needed and they would have to go at some point. It upset me so much that I can’t bear to part with the rest.
Christmas is going to be really hard. I have no family to support me, on either side. My wife absolutely loved Christmas and always made a really big thing of it. She would have been getting excited about it already and would have been buying presents and stocking up on food by now.
I am expecting Christmas to be just another cold, grey winter’s day. I think I will just have to pretend it’s not happening but how can you avoid it?
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I am so anxious about how I will cope with Christmas!
My husband also loved Christmas and would be starting to buy and making the cake , which would he would make in November.
We would always have family over and u have said I don’t want to do anything this time, just going to try and ignore it as much as I can x
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I just want Christmas to be over and done with. It will be unbearable but I am going to do the same and just try to ignore it.
I keep thinking about what my wife would be doing now and how excited she would be. It’s heart breaking.
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I know, I am dreading Christmas as well. I am deeply sorry that you don’t have family to share it with, but in some sense, you may get through it easier. At least I hope so. I have to travel to San Diego which will be strange as even at 60 I’ve yet to travel alone. The hardest part will be Christmas morning, and our dinner. Without my love it will be painful. We also shared gifts and celebrated on our own which I will miss immensely.
All power to you my friend, and please feel free to communicate any time you need to as well as through the holidays. You’re not alone.
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Thank you Rob. I agree that it would be easier to be on my own at Christmas, especially as it will be the first one without Lillian. I am going to have to get used to Christmases without her and I don’t want to spoil the day for other people by being miserable.
The way you spent Christmas Day with Barbara sounds a lot like the way I used to spend Christmas Day with Lillian. It is going to be very hard for both of us and I will be thinking of you.
I will probably be on here on over Christmas so I hope we will be able to message each other for support.
Thanks again Rob.
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