I am packing

Another landmark and Jack isn’t here with me
I am starting to pack - boxes here and there - giving stuff to people , throwing things away
And I keep asking myself - what do I feel?

I don’t know what I feel - since Jack became ill and died there is numbness inside me
I don’t know what I feel!!

To decide to move was the right decision. The new house is cozy - I had it updated and extended and it is just across the road from one of my daughters.
But I feel sorry to leave this house that Jack and I shared for such a long time. I feel sad to move to a house that we didn’t choose together , he doesn’t know I am moving, jack always carried me when we moved to a new house …
I feel so sorry to leave the area where I live now !! I just feel sorry for me!!! Organising and moving to a different place without Jack. I never lived in England without him!!
So many people say “ it will be much easier when you move to a new place “ what a lot of rubbish! To be in a new place without Jack won’t be easy !!!
At the same time I feel blessed that my daughter wants me to live close to her, etc etc
I think I am just very sorry that I have to live without Jack - I never thought this would happen to us! Which is silly!! One of the books I read says “ that grief is part of love and when we love someone and stay with that person for a long time the chance is that one or the other will be left alone. We love knowing that we, one day will be left and will be alone and that grief is part of our love!!! “
So I better go and pack a little more
Take care
Sadie xx


I didn’t fine that way this is the way she and I wanted it = i never doubted her = so i respect her wishes.

Not sure I understood the reply !!

Hi Saddie,

I have similar feelings just a bit different as I was lucky enought to have my husban only for 10 years. When he has gone he was so young. Yes I live with a family member temprorily now. I have not settle down yet. Even I can not think settling down with my son without our brilliant daddy, husband . I just feel so sorry myself. So pitty what haplened to us. People they say ut will be easier…yeah it is easy to say it as I am the one who is dealing with a brojen heart

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Sorry, I am just trying to explain that my wife and I worked each day to make a broken down house into a home where she wished that our families could get together and enjoy each others company. She worked very hard to update our home for her children and grandchildren for upcoming parties a and so forth. she really wanted everyone to enjoy life and be happy (that’s the way she was). She liked to be organized and her home to be spic and span - she was painting the living room before she died — she was putting her heart in all she did. Oh, how I wish she was till here. I have finished her work, but what good is it now? She was an angel to me. Oh, how I miss her!!!


Dear Sadie
I so wish you well in your move. You say that Jack won’t know where you are but I believe he will…In the four years since Barry died, I have moved twice. The first move from France was horrendous and I remember well the guilt, panic and fear of the unknown as I tried to work out what to do with his precious “things” and what I should pack or discard…the second move was easier. The thing is that I have often felt his presence in both places even though he had never known either…we take them with us wherever we go.
Take care x


@Sadsadie Good luck with the move. I will be doing the same in January. Our darlings will be with us wherever we are because they live on in our hearts. :butterfly::broken_heart:


Ameliegran and Johnswife
Thank you for what you wrote!!
This forum is so helpful
Sadie x


Oh Sadie, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because I know just how you are feeling. Our son and daughter in law want me to move into a small house to be nearer them. I have had a look at the houses and they are gorgeous, brand new with all mod cons, just like ours was when we married in 1967, but, the thought of leaving my home fills me with such sadness that I can feel the tears welling up inside me when I think about it. My Peter carried me over the threshold all those many years ago and we raised our children here, I can remember choosing the plot we wanted and I have a photo of our house being built. Our eldest son said he also would like me to move to a smaller property, our (my) home, I still refer to it as ours, is massive, detached with an extension and a massive garden but he says he wants me to move for selfish reasons as he could not face having to sell the house if I lived here until I died.
I think I should sell it whilst I am fit, even though I am 78 years old but I just can’t get up any enthusiasm for it.
All I can say Sadie is that you are a braver woman than I could ever be, and I wish you well in your new home. People tell me that you take your memories with you which I totally understand but when I look at a picture that Peter hung on the wall all those years ago, I can actually see him in my minds eye screwing the hook into the wall and asking me if it is straight and I am saying, left a bit, right a bit. I honestly do not know what I am going to do but at the moment with this virus I have got breathing space and will think about it when it is all over.
Lots of love.


Hi Sheila
We have had our disagreements during this strange weird and sad journey - but what we have in common is this sense of loss and the certainty that love remains even when we can’t physically see our loved one

So I am still packing but I am not that brave to have a date for the move decided
I was at the house today - and I like the house I will be moving to. The house is much smaller and it feels comfortable, cozy and welcoming. While I was there today I felt that Jack approved and he will there - the house helps me to feel quiet still and at peace! Jack is there with me -
Thank you for your response Sheila - you also made me cry
Sadie x

Dear Sadie,
Yes, we have had our differences during this sad journey, and as you say what we do agree on is the sense of loss we both feel and will never get over losing our beloved soulmates.
I know it makes sense to move somewhere smaller and I will get my head around it at some point, but you have been brave and taken the big step. I will have to put on my big girl pants next year and make a decision.
I hope when my time comes to leave our home that I will feel Peter’s approval of what I am doing because I know he absolutely loved our home, but I know it makes sense to have a smaller home and be near our family.
I will see what next year brings in this uncertain life we have at the moment.
Lots of love,
Keep safe.

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