Soon after Jack died many people asked me if I were angry. I wasn’t , I had many emotions but anger was not one of them
With time I recognised that certain things irritated me more than normal - but I still didn’t feel anger
I wasn’t angry because Jack died, I wasn’t angry because my life changed - I simply wasn’t angry !!
I was sad, vulnerable, lonely,hurt but not angry!!
Forward it 3 years on!!
And I am angry!! So angry that I can not be specific!!
If people say something I feel angry, if they don’t I feel angry too!!!
My son and his wife decided to go to Malaysia for a month ! I am angry he isn’t here for Christmas, I am jealous that he is going away with things to look forward to
One of my daughters got married - not only I felt no emotion at the wedding - I am frozen, I am numb inside but I am angry - angry that she is going away for a few days not here for my birthday. Mind you I don’t want anything for my birthday!!
I am angry that another daughter sent a loving card to my sister. Angry and jealous
All this anger makes me suffer!! I don’t know what to do to stop been so angry!!! I know it is normal but …….
I am also jealous - jealous that people around me are well and happy!!! I am jealous that they have lives with excitement and joy!!
I find so hard to deal with too much joy and happiness
Looking at my recent pictures I look sad ! I feel sad
Do any of you feel so angry? What did you do to diminish your anger?
I lost my husband on 5/9/21 and my anger arrived pretty quickly. I’m mostly angry at watching his family get on with their lives like it didn’t happen. I’m angry at myself as I went to the cinema with his sisters and I enjoyed myself. I’m angry at the council for not emptying my bin. I’m angry at my husband for not being here. I feel as though I don’t recognise myself anymore and I do not like who I am becoming
Oh this is so hard I’m not a jealous person but I do look at couple together and understand how it gets us all. I’m sad that my life has changed and all out of my control. Christmas is going to be so hard and I think we’re all going to cope with a outer body experience that I had last month at my nieces wedding.
We have to keep making best of things and make new memories. Don’t think will ever feel whole again. Instead of We it’s ME and don’t like it. Alan died after 3week illness we all can’t get our heads around. Just stay safe x
I am angry and jealous, disgusted and so very bitter and I hate it. I am angry at my husband for leaving me, for me to have to be the sole parent and responsible person for our kids. I’m jealous of every couple I see, particularly older people and I feel so disgusted with myself, for such hateful thoughts but I can’t help it, I wonder why my husband and myself didn’t make it into our 50’s and beyond, why other people get to have that. And I’m so bitter, there is no joy and nothing to look forwards to, I live through my kids and only find peace through their happiness now.
Fifteen months for me and I am still stuck in the anger phase - perhaps not constantly as previous - but the counselling did not help. I am angry at my husband mainly for continuing his pursuit which ultimately killed him, angry that his actions now see both our adult kids in counselling and one on medication, angry that he abandoned me and that I was just not good enough for him to listen when I begged him to just stay home and give up the motorbike.
I try not to be jealous of others but it is difficult at times, especially when one of his brothers posts all over Facebook the various places he and his wife have visited. And feel they have forgotten him almost immediately after the funeral. They never mention him, they don’t even speak to me in person, I just get the occasional text telling me to ‘stay strong’. I try not to reply to their texts as silence speaks louder than words but on occasions I have sent them a response and its not been pretty. I pray every night that none of our friends have to suffer the unnecessary death of their loved ones because the pain is unbearable. And I pray most of all that our kids find some peace on this journey that was not of their doing.
Take care all. None of us recognise the person that grief has now made us.
One of the wonderful thing of this forum is to be able to say whatever and we have someone that will understand!!
I suppose our anger will diminish with time!! I hope so - feeling angry is very exhausting !
Oh was sad to read your so angry still. I miss my husband so much and he was ill so can’t compare with your story as I guess he was killed on his motorbike. I’m so sorry for you but agree with Sadie anger just wears you out. It does and doesn’t change anything. My lonely life was 4months ago and miss my husband so much but I’m not angry with anyone and hope never do.
Terrible for your family but nothing will change your situation so hope you can find some peace soon xx
Angie - I also wasn’t angry for a long time and I really thought anger wasn’t an emotion I didn’t have to cope with. Gradually little things looked and felt major to me - I am angry with Jack but I am angry with everything else
When my husband died our little grandson (now eldest) was only 9 months and they had just announced two days earlier that she was pregnant again. Our daughter lives down South so because of lockdown we had not seen her face to face for months. To have our kids suffer through something that was avoidable is so painful. I read so many posts on this forum where people have lost their loved ones because of illness and it just breaks my heart. I would like to think that my husband would have done everything possible to still be with me and our kids but he would not forgo his hobby that was to cost us all so dearly. The anger stems from this, the loyalty he had for his (motorbike) friends who are noticable by their absence and more than anything that he is missing so much. He loved our little grandson, that really should have been enough to sustain him. We had so much to look forward to and now its all gone. As I say the anger does not linger as much as it did but not sure that I will ever find peace until back in his arms.
Dear Sheila26
Your husband didn’t choose the motorbike instead of you! He probably had fun when he was riding and probably thought that he was going to be alright
Sadie
My husband died in sept and people asked me if I felt angry. I didn’t understand who I should be angry with he died of cancer I can’t be angry at him for that. I can’t be angry at the drs and nurses who helped him. Now I’m not so much angry but I am jealous of family and friends making plans for holidays etc for the new year which is exactly what we should be doing
Hi Barbara
I was the same - I kept saying I had many emotions but anger wasn’t one of them - however 3 years on I am angry
My anger is not specific - devious people make, situations I find myself in they cause me anger
My husband Ian, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 29 weeks ago now. I too feel like you do, jealous of family and friends who will now be planning holidays together.
Ian and I loved our days out and holidays and we would certainly have been planning them now. I get so many texts offering holidays to everywhere but now I just have to delete them.
As to anger, it might be too strong a word but I still can’t believe how I was inundated with flowers and cards offering help when Ian first passed away. This went to hearing nothing from practically all of them. I received the odd card and message over Christmas when obviously they realised I was still around. This is what makes me angry!
The loss of Ian is still so painful and strangely, I dreamt about him last night for the first time. He just told me he wasn’t feeling well. This so mirrors what really happened and seven weeks later he passed away.
Are Julie I’d love to have a dream of Alan as I’m suffering as was so quick and can’t understand it all. I’m not jealous or angry with anyone I just feel so alone. My family are great and your right Alan had lots of people at his funeral which was livy but very few have spoken to me since that day. We just have to accept this as moving on. I know it’s so hard and miss him every day. Alan was only ill 3 half weeks when he died. Like you I can’t believe it all. It hurts so much and miss him every day. Take care xx
Yes same here. Loads of cards, flowers and messages at first but once his funeral was over most people seemed to go back to their lives leaving me to get on with it. I have a good family and some very good friends. You certainly find out who your real friends are x
Wow, thank you for writing this, as its two years April, and I have reached this anger, bitter point…it’s bloody consuming me, no more Mrs nice guy…
It’s under the surface, bubbling away, ready to get in the ring at the drop of a hat…it’s bloody exhausting…everything is agitating me, annoying me, in a manner that is not my usual self before I lost Simon…
Now all the small slights that I could not be bothered with, are simmering, waiting, to explode and totally loose it…I think I need to take up boxing, something to help with the permanent tension.
How you doing now…
x