I can’t believe mum has gone

It is so hard isn’t it? We were told we had a few months but it was only a few weeks. We had some time to prepare but it is never long enough…It was not a peaceful passing and we are traumatised by it as a family.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now with it being so sudden. You do not want to believe. I have voice mails from my Mum that I listen to so I do not forget her voice snd listen to music she liked. It helps a little. It is just adjusting to what will be the new normal for us snd it sucks. Sending a virtual hug x

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Thanks Marley. Yes it’s so hard to take in isn’t it xx

Yes really hard snd unless you are in the same position it is difficult to understand how it feels. You were with her at the end and managed to chat. She would know you loved her with you being there when she needed you most. My Mum and I chatted a couple of days before she passed but had then become confused as ever thing started to shutdown. She smiled when we played her music. She could hear but was not able to respond. You spending time with your Mum was the best way to show you loved her and wanted to spend time with her. It is easy to let life and work get in the way and not spend time with them. I spent as much time as I could and took my laptop to work sitting beside her whilst I could. Just talking and listening shows how much you cared x

Yes I went to see her whenever I could. I just can’t believe I won’t be seeing her again.

Losing parents is inevitable but so hard

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Hi, of course your mum knows you love her. Arguments are all part of family life. You will come to realise that arguments or no arguments, you were together in life. You are at a very early stage of your grief and everything you are feeling is normal. How awful would it be if you just didnt care? You bothered to reach out on here and that shows you cared for her. I am so sorry you had to see your mum in distress.Totally get it as I watched my mum having a stroke/seizure and then die and I am struggling to push this vision away. I try to focus on the times when things were good and looking at happy photos. I think your feelings and thoughts will change asthe months go on. You will still be grieving but the guilt will lessen, as you realise that your love for your mum is much stronger and you did see her and she knew.

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Zoe, I feel for you. I lost my mum 5 days ago. I live in UK, mum lived in Poland. I was on the plane next day after been told she was on ICU. I visited her in hospital for 7 weeks, travelling was killing me as hospital wasn’t local. She never regained conciousness, never made contact with me, don’t even know if she heard me. Was told she sustained brain injury and would be in a vegetative state forever even if she lived. She passed away and I hope she knew I was there with her almost every day. But I’m left with guilt, like you I was focused on my kids so much, I feel I should have visited more often, should have not argued etc… I don’t know how I missed she wasn’t coping with life… How do I carry on?

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Ola, I’m right with you in the pain huni. It’s the weirdest thing. Now I realise my dad was too old to be living on his own but we don’t see their fragility. We just think they will be there forever.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope with the heartache, the longing to tell him how much he meant to me. I could have gone for coffee with him a million times but I was too busy coping with life. I’ve got to pack to go to Cyprus now for the funeral. I just didn’t know what I had until it’s gone. If only they could have both come out of ICU OK and we could have had a second chance to cherish them. I don’t have a good relationship with my mum but my dad was a very gentle special kind person. I feel your pain.

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@ZoeF I know what you mean. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m actually also having a psychological help from a professional therapist. Problem is mum never told anyone how bad things were. Its so hard. I hope one day we will forgive ourselves. My dad passed away 24 years ago and I have no sibilings. I feel so alone right now sitting in my mum’s flat, waiting for my husband and children to fly from UK. Sending warm hugs your way. Feel free to message me if you need a chat. Stay strong.

Same to you Ola. I’m sure they knew we loved them. They were so lovely they didn’t want to burden us because they loved us xx

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@Shazeroon my mum died 5 days ago but she fell ill on 20 December. I sent about 180 messages to her phone… I know sge will never read them…But I just need to do this

Aw I know what you mean. I really want to message my mum but it would hurt so much not to see she’d read it

It’s the complete stop of contact that’s so hard. Obviously after death there’s no contact but it still feels so unbelievable that the contact is over

It’s so awful

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I feel exactly the same, though it was expected. I said what I had to say. Nothing makes it any easier or hurt less. Just support & love around you x

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