I can’t cope

Coping with bereavement
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My mum was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer in January this year it really is hard as we were two peas in a pod.
my mum has raised me alone as my dad died when I was six weeks old and it has only ever been me and her. We did everything together and when I had my son (I am a single mother also) it was only me my mum and my son. We have only ever had one another and I was my mum’s carer since I was 15 years old. She had a brain haemorrhage in 2014 and was told she would not make it through But she beat the odds and after months of intensive care and rehab she came back as strong as ever.

When my mum was diagnosed in January I thought she would pull through Because she always has done she has always been so strong. She moved in with me and my son and I looked after her and gave her all medication she needed, stayed up all night took her to hospital when needed and did everything for my mum and I don’t regret any of those moments.

My mum had to go into a hospice near the end and she died on my dad’s anniversary so I believe he came to get her.

I cried for four days straight but I’ve been in denial, I kept busy with the funeral and week and organising the van to empty her flat but for the past 2 to 3 weeks it’s now hitting me hard and I have not left the house I have continuous panic attacks, I’m scared of antidepressants and medications but I can’t live like this anymore. I shake internally, I keep going to the toilet, I have headaches and off-balance I’m not sleeping well, I’ve lost weight my hair is falling out and I’m on edge with adrenaline every minute of every day I’m snapping at my boyfriend and son and I feel like a bad mother and partner.

Has anyone else felt like this has anyone else felt like this?

I have never lost anybody like this and I have never had a day go by that I have not seen or spoke to my mum I feel like I can’t cope or do this without her I have hit rock bottom I hate how I physically feel and I am scared that I will end up admitted to hospital because of my mental health I’m scared about everything and feel I have lost myself I don’t know how to cope please help.

I’m scared of the feelings and scared of the off balance and panic attacks. I have no friends or family or support-

mum on the list for CBT and bereavement but been told it’s a 12-18 week wait
im stuck in my negative thoughts and obsessing about going crazy and fear of losing my mind

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Hi. I lost my husband 16 months ago and I too have gone through what you describe. It does ease but I would recommend seeing the doctor. I have some goo days but do still have bad days. Try a meditation tape and lie quietly to relax. It’s hard at first but does help after a while. I attend yoga. Life is hard. I find crying was the best way to release stress and anxiety and sadness. You will feel like this. You have lost your mum and best friend. I felt I had lost control and safety. Never feel ashamed to cry it is a testament of your love for your mum xx

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Thankyou x
I’ve seen my gp they just say I have to try the antidepressant
I’m scared of the side effects
I can’t afford to tip over the edge I’m already on.

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I am so sorry for the loss of your mum
You say you have no one to talk too
Have you thought about writing in a journal as if you were talking to your mum
I did this when my husband died and 9 months later my mum passed
It helped me cope with my anger of loosing them both
It allowed be to release some of my pent up emotion
I wrote in it every day how I was feeling
I do think it helped me it might help you until you can get professional help

I too did not want to take any tablets but I did take sleeping tablets for a couple of weeks
This did allow my body to recover and let me get on with life as best as I could

Please cry you need too release your emotions you have been to hell and back
Right now your in a very dark place but in time you will be able to remember all the wonderful times you had with your mum
I know right now you can’t see that every happening
Our grief never leaves us we just learn to live with it

Come on this site and share your thoughts and feelings as sharing really does make a difference
I really wish you all the best
You are strong you brought your son up yourself
We are all stronger than we think
Sending my love
Xx

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