I can’t cope

I lost my husband in 2015 I miss him so much. Feel like I’m just not coping. I have major health issues myself but if I look after myself I would probably be ok. I put on a brave face to everyone and most of the time I get on ok with life. But the reality is that I miss him so much. I drink too much and get to the stage where I don’t care if I live or die. Then I think about my kids who have already lost their dad and have worried so much about my own health. I feel like I am suspended between living for my family or dying so that I might find … I fill my life. I’m busy and try to do good things but sometimes I just feel so lonely. I’m a mess and I don’t know how to move on. I feel that I’m doing ok much of the time but at the end of the day I just miss him. I just miss him so much

Yes I know how hard it is have you considered counselling. I dont have family and its very hard to try and move on-people dont understand how hard it is. I now have abscesses in my mouth because i am obviously run down and the anti biotics havent worked!!! Maybe your doctor can help???