My 42 year old husband died of cancer in November and I’m really struggling just to function and do the most simple of things. I’m managing to get to work and do the bare minimum whilst I’m there and then when I’m home and on my days off I just can’t get out of bed, the sadness is just overwhelming. The house is a mess, I haven’t cleaned since he died and I know that I need to start going through his things and sorting everything out as I can’t afford to stay here but I just don’t have the motivation and keep putting it off. It’s been 4 months and I know that isn’t long in the grand scheme of things but I really thought I’d be able to at least function better by now but everything just feels completely pointless without him. I know he’d hate to see me like this but I just can’t seem to do anything that will make me feel even remotely better. I’m just feeling quite hopeless and thought speaking to others in similar situations might help me feel less alone.
Hi
I lost my husband in December 25, 14 weeks 102 days ago so I know how you are feeling and I’m so sorry for your loss. I am finding it harder as the days go on and miss him so much. I struggle to get out of bed but I get up wash and dress and try to get through the day the best I can. I don’t work so I am at home all day. I understand how you are feeling, it is so hard and so very sad to lose the person who was your life, all we can do is take a day at a time. I miss him so much and I am not coping without him, how do we carry on? I don’t know, but I do feel for you.
Dear Pinkgiraffe
I’m so sorry this has happened to you too. My husband died 8 months ago now so I know how awful this is.
It is impossible to think too much about the future, your managing to work which is amazing. Do you have to sort things out now? Could it wait?
For now you need to look after yourself and do what absolutely needs doing. Eating, sleeping and drinking enough are the most important things.
I made a list of things that had to be dealt with, banks, probate that sort of thing and did one a week on a day I felt up to it. I know have a whole note book full of lists. Crossing them off makes me feel a little better.
I’m about to put my house on the market which has been horrendous and my first offer on a new little house has been refused. I feel that what will be will be
After all we’ve been through, what can be worse.
Take it one day at a time and when you feel up to it do one little job. Write a list and cross it off.
Take care x
I am sorry for your loss . It’s 6 months since my husband passed away so I know how hard it can be . My first few months for me were the worst and are just a blur .your are managing to go to work. I also write lists and do things as I am ready to do them . I still have many things to sort out.Take one day at a time . Just do what you need to. Look after yourself.
Hi pinkgiraffe , I’m really sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. I really hope you find the courage and strength you need. It’s sometimes better to try taking little steps each day and build on them. Getting out of the house a walking helped me.
I really hope the best for you
Tom
Hi Leah6, my wife died on Christmas day too. After fighting with cancer for two years. The pain is unbearable I know but it’s important to look after yourself. If things were the other way around we wouldn’t like to see our loved ones crumble. If you are finding it too hard to cope you need to ask for help. You deserve support now.
Wishing you all best
Tom
So sorry you’re going through this heartbreaking rollercoaster, going to work after a relatively short time is such an achievement. Like people have said you need to take small steps, looking after yourself, eating small foods regularly and drinking water. I’m 7 weeks in and am struggling to go out much at all, can’t consider going to what the moment, my mind is all over the place. Do you have family or friends nearby to help you. Do you have to move soon or could you wait until you’re stronger to do that. Do lists and tick off 1 job at a time if you can. Some days if you can’t do anything, that’s still ok, above all BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Carry on posting on here, I find this site has comforted me when at my darkest times. We’re all going through this heartbreaking time. Sending hugs to you. LJL
I’m sorry for your loss, 4 months is still very early on in your grief. I’m almost six months into mine. My partner died suddenly in September last year. I don’t have any motivation and just do the minimum. I should change the bed linen but I can’t be bothered, there’s dust all over the place. I tend to wear whatever is lying on the chair and I don’t get dressed unless I have to go out. Thankfully I ‘m retired so I don’t have to face work. Do you have anyone who could help you just now? I ‘m sure they would understand that you’re struggling. Grief is draining and relentless, turns you into a shadow of your former self. I don’t know if you’d consider seeing your GP, it might help. Take care.