I cannot cope anymore...

Hi All

I’m new. I lost my mum 3months ago suddenly and I’m still awaiting her results to find out what happened.

I too have put my big smiling face on and dealt with everything I could for my dad. Now the concrete mask is starting to crack and it’s uncontrollable

There are other things going on in my life that attribute to the way I’m feeling also.
(I won’t bore you with that)

I don’t feel I have anyone who gets it or understands at all.

My chest feels heavier every day the pain is so strong.

I’ve recently been having spurts of pure rage and anger. I’m not that way inclined at all, Im struggling big time. I have 7 dogs to keep me busy and live in Spain now. Originally from Leicester UK.

I don’t stop all day long and by the 7th day I’m raging crying and like a toddler this has been going on the past few months.

Well now I’m fully cracking up. I’ve had thoughts of wanting to be in a coma, sleeping for a long time and dead. I can’t bare my life without my mum. I’m an only child with a small family. Is this rage anger and wanting to just drift off normal?

I want my mum back I miss her so much.


Hi leonix,

I’m sorry to hear about your mum.losing our mums is a pain like no other and the way you are feeling is normal. Grief shows itself in many ways. I also lost my mum suddenly 3 months and although I’m mainly just sad all the time, I also go through moments of anger. Anger that my lovely mum who did no one any harm has been taken, anger that she refused to seek help when it was clear she was unwell etc.
I have just started counselling, I’ve only had 1 session so cant say whether it will help but I’m willing to give it a go. Could you try counselling?
I cant bear the thought of never seeing or speaking to my mum again but unfortunately we have no choice.
I havent hid my feelings and emotions at all since mum died so perhaps this is why you feel so awful at the moment. Allow yourself to cry if you want to, it’s ok to not be ok.
Keep posting on here if it helps too.
Waiting to find out what happened is hard. My mum had a post mortem although we knoew she had suffered a brain hemorrhage. Unfortunately we dont know why it happened and never will but we have also learnt that she had heart problems which none of us knew about.
I hope you get your answers soon
Cheryl x

Sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my beloved mum in March suddenly and her post mortem showed she had chocked, I now have an inquest on 14th October.
I also no longer live in UK as I live in Cayman and was a huge shock when I received that phone call, especially after I had flown back at Christmas to surprise her and she looked fantastic and was planning on coming out this Christmas. She use to come out for 3 months and go home for 3 months and then come out again, but got a dog and didn’t like leaving him that long.
I found it very hard to deal with it all, as they wouldn’t realize mum to me so I could lay her to rest because of waiting for PM, in end I flew back to Uk and they gave me a temp death certificate so I could lay mum to rest and bring her ashes back with me.

I luckily had a supportive partner and my best friend in UK helped loads with scanning lots of paperwork to me.
It is not easy as you, I cry wanting my mum back, wanting to talk to her, hug her and tell her I love her, but that won’t happen, so we have to take solace in our memories we have of our mums.
If you need to chat, please email me as I honestly know how you feel.

Stay strong and know that our mums will always be with us in our hearts and minds and that they would t want us to breakdown.

Same here lost mum 6 weeks ago. She had a bad back. Then a cough. X rays were clear. She collapsed. 4 days later they diagnosed metastasised lung cancer she died two days later. My heart is heavy and painful. I don’t sleep. That last week in the hospital was just awful. And watching her take her last breaths keep flashing into my head. I feel sick all the time and I get no joy from anything. It’s the worst pain. And I wish with all my heart it was an awful nightmare and I will wake up.

I lost my Mum 5 and a half years ago and still miss her, especially when in November 2017 my eldest daughter died very suddenly. They call it ‘unexpected cardiac arrest’. She left 3 children one of whom witnessed their father doing cpr on her mother. My husband died suddenly when I was 41 and I thank God he was not alive to experience the pain for losing our daughter. I have found that although I have bad times they are getting shorter and I am able to smile at the things she did (she was a joker). But now I have just been told that my eldest brother has terminal cancer and have 6 months to live. I feel I have gone back to square one.


All of this is awful.it puts my own pain into perspective. I honestly dont know how you have dealt with all those losses.
Some people on this site are so strong with everything they cope with.

I don’t really consider myself a strong person I just live day to day and try to cope with everything. My lovely Dad died at the age of 58, but the pain of all the loved ones I have lost seem to get worse with every piece of bad news that I get.

Having lost my dad when he was 53, 21 years ago and my mum suddenly 16 weeks ago I dont think i could handle any more pain but i guess when faced with it like you have been, there is no choice but to live each day and try to cope.
I’m sorry to hear of your losses and now the awful news about your brother.life is very cruel at times x