i cant believe shes gone even after 10 years

will i ever feel normal again,i just feel constantly lonely its like i cant function without my mum .i dont have many friends im struggling everyday .i shouldnt be after all this time surely.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and how lonely you are feeling. Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and it is normal to still miss someone after a long time. But it sounds as though you feel it is more than missing her and your grief is getting in the way of living your life as you want to?

How old were you when you lost your mum? Did you ever have any bereavement support or counselling? It is not too late to get some support - a good first step is to make an appointment with your GP and tell them that you are struggling. They can help you to find the right support.

You aren’t alone on this site, and I hope it helps to be able to write things down here. You might want to read and maybe reply to these posts from other people who are still dealing with the loss of a parent a long time ago:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/dad
https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-mum-december-1995-when-i-was-10

i was 34 ,yes ive tried cbt and counselling ,they never helped my gp knows im struggling have been taking anti depressents for about 7 years they help sometimes ,i worry about death and dyeing which gets in the way of me being a little bit normal .

That is such a shame, it sounds like you have had a really tough time of it. Please do take a look around this site and see what other people have written, as many people do find it helpful talking to others with similar experiences.

I also wonder if you might be interested in this site: https://friendsinneed.co.uk/ It’s a site for people affected by depression to talk online and find offline meet-ups in their local area. It might be a good way to get support and maybe make some new friends?

thanks ill take a look. ive not much confidence at all ,which makes it harder

Hi your not alone. My mum died 11 years and I am still exactly the same. I struggle at times so much and Christmas is just the worst. Trying to listen to Christmas songs yesterday with my son was so heartbreaking and I couldn’t hold the tears back. I’m so glad I came across your thread as it makes me see it’s not just me. I suppose we all deal with things differently and we all take our own time for things to get better. I was thinking the same as you yesterday,asking myself why I am still this bad but I was so close to my mum and she was my best friend so there will always be a big gap in my life. I hope you find a way to feel better as I know exactly what it feels like. If you ever want to talk then your more then welcome to contact me. Take care x

i dont like christmas either not anymore ,i feel like i got a big whole i cant fill ,i try to but my confidence is gone i now have noone to talk to and i even with my 2 boys around get lonely ,my mum died suddenly on new years eve ,i was two mins to late i never even got to say goodbye which distresses me a lot but she leaves me little signs ,and i try to take comfort from them but then ill question if im just getting myself at it and that they couldnt of been her .i cry everyday still i try not to but i still do i dont think ill ever get over it .and thanks for ure reply back x

I think you could have a thousand people around you and still feel lonely unfortunately because it’s not how many people you have around you it’s not having that one important person there. I just make my kids my life now and everything I do is for them and when they are a sleep I go back into myself and have my cry and whatever. I’m on a website called gone too soon and I write on there constantly as though I’m talking to my mum which does seem to help and I think seeing little signs is a way of letting you know they are around you. Have you tried going to a Clair voyant? May sound silly but I go a few times a year and it makes me feel better even if it is only for a bit xx

im to scared to go in case i get no message ,i had a strange email tho once from someone on facebook ,she claimed that she was with me and i thought yea ok untill i read the next bit and what she said to me was so rellavent only i could of known what she was saying ,but that was 2013 ,my kids are grown up ,my youngest is 18 he misses her to my eldest is the spit of my mum but taller .i also have a thing about death now n not wanting to die etc ,ive had counselling but it dont stop me from thinking about it ,i just wish i could of said bye ,xx

Of course you do!! I didn’t get to say goodbye either and it tears me apart that I didn’t get to say anything I wanted or just to tell her how much I love her. I do admit the first probably 4 times I went I never got a message and it tore me apart,it made me really heartbreaking that she didn’t come through but she comes through a lot more now and weather it’s her or not it makes me feel better as we can never be 100% certain it is them. The last one I had to was so emotional and my mum was begging the Clair voyant to cuddle me as she couldn’t because I was crying and she was spot on at the things she said. But I went away feeling like I had spoke to my mum in a small way. I’ll never know if it was her but I hope more then anything it was. I would give my life just to see or speak to her just once. I often think why it was her who was taken,the one person who I needed more then anything in the world. You shouldn’t be scared of death, I truly believe that when we die we meet up with those that have passed and your get to see your mum again and there’s nothing scary about that. I use to be a nurse and I truly believe your relatives that have passed come to get you, I have seen so many people passing and a lot have been calling people who have passed over or have said they have seen them a day or two before passing their self. Since my mum died I have no fear of dying because the day I pass away is the day I get to see my mum but I believe that 100%, others may not xx

i do believe that i will see her again and that shes watching over me ,only reason i scared of dieing is because my sons autistic and id worry about how he would be and i know he would be looked after by his brother but i still worry i hardly go anywhere i used to go with my mum everywhere ,and now i dont go far .i cant believe sometimes ill never see her in the street or where she used to live x

Yes I feel that way. I still think I’m gonna see her when I go to my dads.i can’t get in it my head that I won’t see her again until I pass over. I definitely understand that about your son,one of my sons has learning disabilities and anxiety issues and he can’t be without me and when he is, he gets himself in such a state. I think maybe you need more support from someone, the one thing that does help me is talking to friends although talking only helps so much. I have been to counselling and it just didn’t do anything because the one thing I wanted them to do is bring her back and nobody can do that. When she first died I use to think if I cry enough maybe she will come turn up because she was always there when I was upset, sounds silly as I was 23 when she died but I think it was maybe the little girl in me crying out for my mum. I think a daughter will always need their mum if they have that sort of a relationship with them so we are always going to want them and it’s so heartbreaking that you can’t have them back no matter how much you want too. I’m so devastated that my boys will never know her,they would of loved her so much and when I talk about her to them I hate that they didn’t know her as their nanny who they adored,they just see her as my mum who they never met. She was looking forward to becoming a nanny so much,life is so cruel x

she was only person that could give me the kick up the backside which i still often need lol ,i think i cried for first six months constantly i cry at least once a day now ,she would hate seeing me like i get but she would also know its her i need when im sad ,my mum deliverd my youngest son callum and if it wasnt for her he wouldnt be here today ,nathan my eldest whos 23 going on 12 lol he was nannys boy ,i just hope she can see them … x

Hi I am very sorry to read your post. Please do not feel guilty of how you feel. This time of year is always very hard when you have lost someone special in your life. I lost my mum nearly 13 years ago and I miss her every day. She was my best friend. I do not feel you ever get over losing someone special in your life. All you can do is try to make the best of every day. I am thinking of you and post on the website again if it helps. Take care.

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We can only hope they can see
them and my mum was definitely the same, always giving me the advice and kick up the bum that I needed to sort myself out! I think we have to just try live on good memories and happy times and make the best of things for our children. Like someone else said I don’t think we ever get over losing someone special,it definitely feels that way for me. Xx

yes and me to and i still cant have a pic of her out anywhere i just cant even after all this time ,ill look at the big box they in i darent go in them ,maybe 1 day ill be able to without crying lol xx

I’m the opposite,I’ve gone over the top with pictures of my mum. I have them everywhere and I’ve got loads of tattoos that relate to her, think I’m trying to do everything I can to make myself feel better but it doesn’t work! The one thing I can’t do is hear her funeral songs without bursting into tears or any songs that remind me of her. My nan found me an old video tape with her on it and it absolutely crippled me to see her on it and I heard her say a couple of words from her and I couldn’t control myself, I was a complete mess and couldn’t get it out my head for a long time. I am glad we have spoke because it makes me see that it’s not just me who struggles the way I do x

im glad we have to ,ive got loads of tattoos also my mum 1 i like best ,i can still hear her voice in my head ,unfortunately i saw her in chapel of rest and i have the image of her face tattooed on back of my eyelids . i smell her sometimes to . i know she leaves little reminders for me and she did say she was going to haunt me my mum is only person who gave me a hug as well i miss that to x

At the time my mum past I didn’t even think about the chapel of rest, I hadent lost anyone close before and for some strange reason it didn’t enter my head, some time after I had this guilt and still have that I didn’t go to see her,I felt so guilty that I had left her alone and didn’t think about it but I was grieving so much,I couldn’t think one hour in front of me. A few years ago I lost my cousin and I went to see him and it was awful, it didn’t look anything like him and the image replaces the image of him when he was alive so maybe I made the right choice with my mum but that guilt will always be in me forever that I left her alone in there. I have the images of my mum hooked up to all the machines in itu and it kills me,she use to have fits every time she came round and saw me crying,it really was horrendous. What I’d give to have her still here, words just can’t describe,which I know you’d be feeling the same. Xx

id say you had made the right choice , i touched her she was freezing cold ,she had been in mourge for nearly 3 weeks and she was a biggish lady so her coffin had to be made in london .she would of laughed at that . but the smell ill never forget ever .i feel guilty about her being left in the hospital for that long last time i saw her she had wires and everything to i never even saw her the day she died either which i feel guilty about also my mum used to call me the squinny one lol x

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