Hello, I just feel I need to talk, talk and talk. I watched my Auntie die of pancreatic cancer very quickly and it has really effected me. How could someone I love deteriote and die so quickly ( 15 weeks from diagnosis) ? I have so many questions, the main one being why? Why her? Why did she have to go? Watching someone you love slip further and further away is truly awful. My auntie chose to be buried, I’ve never been to a burial before and I’m struggling big time. Is it normal to think of the person being a person just led under 6ft of soil. I can’t let go, I feel I have no closure, I know that she is under the soil and it’s almost like I want to dig her out and shake her and wake her up. I wake up at night with the images of the coffin being lowered into ground. I feel that with a cremation you are no longer here as a person but with a burial you are still here. My husband just says she is at peace now and thinks of it completely different, I have no closure to her death. Its really hard. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? Many thanks Lauren x
My husband was buried and I find it comforting to think he’s only 8ft away from me when I stand at grave. Also I have somewhere to lay flowers and go to talk to him. I chose burial over crematorium didn’t like the thought of him burning
Hi I’m so sorry you’ve had to watch someone you loved pass away it’s the most heartbreaking experience ever. I watched my mum die in September 21 and I Carnt get the last day out of my mind . Mum was cremated and her ashes buried but I can totally relate to your thoughts . I’m sure once the burial is over and you can visit you’ll get comfort knowing she’s so close I do with mum I love that she’s so near to me and cause I can visit I feel she’s still here . Take care
Hi Lauren,
I’m so sorry for the loss of you Auntie, the reason I’m on this forum is i lost my partner 15 weeks ago and am finding it hard to cope.
Pete was 59 and he went out for his normal jog and collapsed and died, it was such a shock.
I know that this is the way he would have wanted to go but it was way too soon and I’m completely heartbroken.
He was cremated.
My Dad died 15 years ago and he was buried and I have always hated going to his grave, it’s so difficult to explain to people my reasons. I have only gone there 3 times and that’s because I couldn’t avoid it.
I haven’t been able to tell my Mum why I don’t go because it would be too upsetting but I do worry that she thinks I don’t care about Dad.
I hate everything to do with burials, I think it might be because I’m very claustrophobic and I just sit there thinking about how how his body wold look now and it horrifies me and ilke you I wanted to dig him up in the early days to makr sure he was definitely dead!
I really feel for you having gone through watching you Auntie slip away so cruelly.
That’s why this forum is so good because you can actually say the horrible thoughts that go through your mind without being judged and it does help to get them out of your head.
The way I cope now is by thinking that it was my Dad’s and Mum’s wish for him to be buried and I have to respect their wishes but I will never go to his grave again and I try to remember him like the lovely Dad he was.
Take care
Muldool
Dear Lonley,
sorry for the loss of your beloved Peter.
That is so lovely that you place flowers next to him.
I only got my Petes ashes a few weeks ago and am struggling where to put them, I also talk to them and tell him how much I love him everyday.
Pete and I were going to get married but sadly he was taken from me before we go the chance, we were also just about to make new wills as we bought a house together recently so his share of our house will go to his 4 children, they have said they are happy for me to stay in our home as long as I want but it worries me.
They are coming to see me next weekend to talk everything through.
After he died we had a brief chat about his ashes and all agreed that he would want them scattered on the sea but since then I’ve been thinking a lot, I would like to get a memorial ring made so I can keep him close to me forever.
Also I’ve been thinking that I would like our ashes to be scattered together.
There are so many difficult decisions to make when someone dies so suddenly.
This grieving process is so hard and it does help a little to know there are people out there who understand.
Sending you good wishes
Muldool
That is so true. I myself wanted a burial and have a plot for my late husband who just died in January but his children wanted cremation which i agreed to. I picked up his ashes few weeks ago. I wish i would have gone with the burial and let nature take it course. We all lost someone we loved, and the pain is awful for everyone, but the partner knows better: Guess what I am trying to say is i have to live with not having a burial, but at the end its the spouse is that knows best whether it’s cremation a burial. I wish i would listened to my heart instead of being presured.
Well unfortunately we didn’t do that. We were going to that after we looked after everyone and i guess we have run out of time.
Well i am going through probate all alone and the only wish i have is my husband and the burial even though there was no will my husband said you will know what to do. As for us it schould have been a burial. I only responded beacause I can’t take it back. It is still raw it has only been recent. And i wish for us would have done the burial