I can’t see a future . All our plans we made will not happen now all our happiness gone in a blink of an eye. I find it so scary to think what’s going to happen in the future . I can only live day to day . I will never love anyone ever again jim was my world and now my world does not turn anymore I wish I could just curl up in a ball and never have to feel pain like this anymore.
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Ditto!!
My thoughts exactly. 
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Feel the same. I never look past the day that I wake to - no point. In first lockdown we sat and made and agreed plans and then six months later everything is destroyed. As you say my world also stopped the day that my husband died.
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We missed our 40th anniversary cruise to st Petersburg because of covid and I feel torn to be brave enough to still go alone for both of us when I feel able or just to let it go, it was a shared dream of ours and on a good day I can think about it but that’s as far as I get, on a bad day it is inconceivable that I could even walk out the front door, it’s a lovely thought though and may last for years, whatever happens hugs to everyone xx
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MAB
It is over 3 years for me now but I still can’t bear the thought of even entering the airport without my Ron never mind go on Holiday. It is the final hurdle for me to conquer but we had such.beautiful memories made on holidays. Please think carefully about it because some people are stronger than others.cc
.
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Misprint,I feel exactly the same don’t,see any future without my husband,the sick,painful feeling,lay awake every morning dreading the day
MAB
I lost my lovely Jan 5 year’s ago, This year should have been our 60th anniversary. We had planned to go to on a cruise to Norway. I could never do that now. It is so hard even now to go to the Lake district and Scotland. We loved these places so much. I have been there, but each time it hurts so much. Jan’s ashes are scattered in the Lake District, so we do go each year. but it is another tearful time for me, and for all of us.
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We loved the Lake District and last time we went we climbed cats bells and hellvellyn it was such an achievement because I had had an operation on both feet for my tendons, he always looked after me and was my rock but I know he would want me to have some sort of life, I know I’ll never be the same again and how lucky was I to have forty three years with such an incredible man, he told me to look to my sons and grandson and that’s what I put my energy into even when it’s so hard, I’m lucky to have such support from family and friends my husband was always smiling and making fun and we try to remember him like that, he would be telling me to ‘go for it’ if he was here and my sons are encouraging me too, it may take a few years to overcome my fears of doing things alone but it’s in my mind and it’s a celebration of forty years marriage, I need to try to stay positive otherwise I would be forever consumed with grief and useless which frightens me thinking of everyone xx
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MAB
It is my children and grandchildren that keep me going. I’m so lucky to have them. without them to keep me going, I don’t know what I would do.
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My grandson is three and he misses his grandad he says he’s in leaven and it chokes me up every time I’m going to try for him at Xmas but my heart is so heavy, my grief has changed from being chaotic and raw and me being all over the place to a dull ache, being solemn forgetting everything and feeling stressed and anxious, I’ve gone back to the gym and do aqua and yoga which helps me sleep but nothing will ever be the same again, it sounds like jan was your everything and it’s wonderful that you remember her every year especially in such a wonderful place and your family are there for you it makes such a difference I feel blessed that my family and friends show so much love for us hugs xx
It’s still early days for you and unfortunately we have Xmas in our face, whatever makes life easier look after yourself, I love your robin, I’m never sure about signs but we have this new robin that has appeared in our garden with a little punchy face and I keep finding white feathers I’m thinking of you at such a sad time and sending hugs xx
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For misprint
Thanks Mab I think it’s true about Robins the day after Jim died a Robin came right up to me and sat singing wasn’t even afraid of the dogs and he’s been back a few times always when I feel sad I believe its Jim saying he’s ok and not to worry
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