Does anyone find themselves in the same position ?
My life partner of 21 years died unexpectedly on April 22nd.
Her life support had to be switched off after she contracted ‘hospital aquired pneumonia’ and her bowel had started to die due to reduced oxygen.
She was admitted to hospital after she fell, breaking her ankle in 3 places.
She needed a blood transfusion before her operation because she was anaemic and she was also type 2 diabetic, insulin dependant.
I wasn’t able to see her in hospital because of Covid restrictions and Norovirus but did get to see her and talk to her via WhatsApp.
I had no inclination she wouldn’t recover from her fall, so imagine my shock when I was called to the intensive care ward because she had stopped breathing and needed help to breathe.
For the first 3 months fter she died I managed my grief with the help of family and friends, and people commented on how strong I was.
The thing is, it was all a front.
I swallowed my tears until i couldn’t, and now I can’t seem to stop them.
I’m afraid to reach out to family because I don’t want to worry them.
Her inquest is not until December, and I have so many unanswered questions.
I know you all have your own pain and grief, and we all grieve differently, but does anyone have similar problems ?
I am distancing myself from everyone for fear I’ll break down in front of them and upset them.
Anyone have any advice please ?
I am so truly sorry for your loss, I can feel the pain & sadness your going through from what you’ve written .
Firstly please don’t hold your tears back in front of your family, they would be heartbroken if they knew exactly how sad you feel. Yes they may worry but they will also care about you & could offer support & be there for you . Have you reached out to your GP or counselling for support & advice ?
I can understand your still in limbo awaiting the inquest and that will be painful but you must try & talk to folks, don’t hold it in or it’ll make you poorly . You’ve taken a big step sharing your feelings on here, keep doing this but also talk to maybe just one person this week & share your true feelings face to face . Let us know how you get on . Step at a time. Find that one person, family or friend who you can talk to & open up as best you can. X
Thank you for your kind advice.
I’m going to reach out to my youngest daughter tomorrow. Maybe spend some time with her and the grandkids.
My eldest daughter has just gone away with her partner and son for a well deserved break and my mum has just been diagnosed with mixed dementia, Alzheimers and Vascular dementia, so I don’t want to worry her unduly.
I’ve made contact with Cruse, so that’s a start.
Thanks again for your kindness and take care x
How you doing today ?
X
We’ve got two convos going, lol.
Yeah, much like yesterday, but looking to talk to my youngest daughter tomorrow.
I read your beautiful poem and it made me cry, but still, it was helpful x