It’s almost six months since my daughter lost her fight with breast cancer. I had reached a point where I could think and smile instead of floods of tears, then feeling guilty about it. I’m still so angry but was able to see some positives. Anyways this week I have just had it confirmed that my mum has lung cancer and it’s spread to both lungs. Drs are talking about dnr forms and palliative care plans! I just can’t take any more, I have always been the strong one but right now I just want to curl up and make the world go away.
I am so sorry to read your post about your daughter and now your Mum. You have had and are having a terrible time and I am sure it is very hard to think straight. It is so hard being in the situation where you are trying to be brave for your loved one and support them but screaming inside.
I am glad that you can think of your daughter and remember better times with her. Memories are so important and sustain us through the grimmer days.
Your poor Mum, it is a terrible thing having to think about DNR forms. Do remember your Mum has to sign the form as well as you so insist on a doctor she knows and likes to deal with it.
I lost my Mum to secondaries on her brain just over two years ago. She collapsed and we found out a few days later it was terminal. We had the DNR form situation too and a locum was sent to speak to Mum. She had never met this doctor and it upset her greatly. I don’t think it is grabby to say take every bit of palliative help you get offered. Any time you get however small to rest will be invaluable.
It is dreadful and I agree curling up in a ball under the bedclothes is very tempting. All I can say is treasure every moment you can with your Mum. Even in the worst times there will be little things that happen that you will look back on with some happiness. For me it was when I was helping my Mum undress and get into bed. She leant against me and thanked me for being so kind to her. Such a small thing but her saying it was so lovely for me.
You take lots of care of yourself and keep coming back here when you need to. There are lots of kind people here who are happy to help, advise and sympathise. We all have one horrid thing in common, the forthcoming or actual loss of someone we love and no one judges anyone else.
Thank you Mel, what you have said makes a lot of sense, I’m sorry for your loss though it shows simple things you can do have great meaning to everyone in the end. Take care x
I think you were coping really well after your daughters death but it must be too much to cope with finding out how ill your mother is so soon after. Its more pain on top of the pain you were already trying to deal with. I lost my 27 yr old son in August and I know how difficult it is , I try to think that he was a gift even though it was for a short time.