Hi, I’m very confused. I have lost people on the past and have grieved and healed but this is different. I am broken about the death of someone I have not seen for many years, but whom I gave thought about almost every day since.
December 1975 I was 19 and experienced love at first sight, I knew she was the one. We dated and during the hot summer of 76 we were barely apart. I knew that this was for real. And she said she loved me too.
Families didn’t approve, especially hers because she was seeing someone when we first met. I was head over heels, and knew that the pressure was showing on her. We carried on with our relationship but her family seemed determined to break us up, and eventually in 1980, I ended our love story. It killed me but I felt that I had to save her from further pressure. As we parted that night I knew that she was crying, and so was I.
That was the last time I saw her. We both married other people, I had children, she didn’t. I thought of her daily and felt in a way like I was cheating on anyone I was with. I made some bad choices but I always targeted myself, shutting myself away from everyone at times. We both had feelings for each other still, communicating occasionally through a mutual friend.
Cutting to this year, I finally vowed to find her, my first and only true love. I found her address and went to see if I could spot her in the town. But then I discovered that she died 6 months ago.
I’m distraught, but wonder if I’m being ridiculous, given that the gap has been so huge since we parted.
I don’t expect any answers but just needed to get it out. I hope you understand.
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Hi Russ, no your not being ridiculous you obviously fell in love on the day you met all those years ago and it seems your loves family were intent on not letting it be.i met my beautiful wife Jackie in 1960 and we like yourself fell in love there and then.i was lucky we married in 1963 and were married for 63 years until sadly Jackie passed away on December 21st .7 months on I still can’t accept she has gone.So dont be hard on yourself ,you fell in love and true love lasts a lifetime and beyond,I feel so sorry for you that the timing for you to reunite was sadly a little late.take solace in knowing that you both were in the same mind for all those years and that love goes on even after we are no longer here.it may be good for you when the time is right to visit her resting place with some beautiful flowers and to spend some quiet time with your love. I hope you can find some peace Russ in your loss regards Dave
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Thank you Dave. It’s so difficult isn’t it.
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its not difficult Russ its heartbreaking when you loose the love of your life .you must be devastated to have spent all those years apart from your true love.and then when the time comes to right the wrong its too late.it brings all the what ifs into your mind.its the hardest thing in the world to go through ,but at least you know your love felt the same way about you . all the best Bud regards Dave
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I’m heartbroken. Feeling so alone but I know I’ll be ok in the end.
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Russ you have got to be but you will get support on this site we are all greeving someone.the loneliness is the worste more so at night .you can private message me anytime when you are at your wits end anytime bud. Dave
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Hello Russ, so sorry for how you are feeling, you lost the love of your life, and that hurts, and im sorry you couldn’t have a life together 
that is the saddest part. Time and distance doesn’t diminish true love. I lost my husband in March, he was my true love, and ill miss him forever…until we meet again in heaven..take care and God bless you
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So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how terribly painful such loss can be.
Our life was so complicated by the interference of her family mainly, but there is so much more to our story. I feel that my entire life since we parted has been a lie and a failed attempt at normality.
I hope you eventually find peace and ways to cope.
Russ
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Hi Russ, its sad that we now have to cope with our lives, we no longer are completely happy, everything now is second choice..
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Lightmary, so true. Hard to do anything without feeling the intense pain isn’t it. I feel such a fraud for feeling this way over the beautiful woman I hadn’t seen for so long. Your loss must be even more intense than what I am feeling.
I don’t know how any of us are going to cope but I know that somehow we will.
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Hi Russ ,
Sorry for your loss. Whichever loss you have is important. This was your first love & you loved her so much you let her go to help her because of the pressure. Its so heartbreaking for you because you wanted to find her but devastated to find that she has passed away. You are probably feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Sadness for the loss & what could have been. Maybe guilt because you mentioned you felt like you were cheating on her but you wasn’t. Your love was just very powerful for this lady . The most heartbreaking thing is that you never got to say what you wanted to her. You never got together again & it is going to hurt.
Different thing with me is I lost 2 friends to cancer. We lost touch. I found out when I was 31 one friend had passed. I was devastated I felt guilty I hadn’t kept in touch or knew about her illness so I missed her funeral. The same happened with another friend when I was 43. We lost touch & never got to get to funeral. I found out about their lives towards the end & it was horrendous, horrible & scary. I shut it all out . With both friends at the time I found their graves & laid flowers & talked to them. This helped me to say goodbye. I felt relieved I didn’t have to see them go through so much because it is painful to just know the details. They didn’t deserve to suffer so much. Roll on years later & I lost my dad last year. I went to a grief group as I wasn’t coping well. This helped talk through things on surface level. I also rang Cruse 3 times a helpline when you feel you can’t turn to anyone & your exploding with grief. The ladies at the end of the phone are so helpful & helpful talk you through stuff without judgement & with kindness. Lastly I just want to say I got depressed & overwhelmed by all the deaths in my life I had to turn to Talking Therapies through the GP.
What I found was the deaths of my friends resurfaced & I actually realised I hadn’t grieved for them properly. I actually sobbed for them & talked about them & it helped me release everything how I felt.
So what you are doing is grieving for the loss of your first love. It may help to talk to someone to release it. Its perfectly natural to grieve for everyone you have lost. The deeper the love for the person the more it hurts. They suggest you write a letter to your loved one noone has to see it. Write everything you feel & have felt to her.
Sorry for long message but I hope it helps in some way
Best wishes