I don’t know what to do anymore


I lost my husband, Ian, of nearly 40 years suddenly and unexpectedly just over 13 months now. I’ve had counselling and yet still, my grief and longing for him is always with me and in fact, is intensifying.

I live on my own, far from family and real friends. Like a lot of people on here, I’ve been surprised how ‘friends’ and most neighbours have just melted away.

Over the last year I’ve had counselling and spent a lot of time away from ‘home’ staying with family or them with me. Sadly though, I have to return to being on my own and then it hits me, there is no special person to share my life with anymore. I have tried not to but I can’t see a happy future, or any future without Ian . The loneliness and sense of loss is heartbreaking.

I read on here to stay busy, stay positive etc and I have tried but the reality is that I just hate living without my husband. We were best friends, often knew what the other was thinking, loved days out and travelling but all that was gone in just seven weeks.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this but I know so many of you must feel the same. What do we do with our lives now? There seems little point if there is no one special to spend our days with or share our thoughts and feelings.

I know I shall have to move to live nearer to family but that is such a hard decision to take on one’s own and it would mean leaving all the hopes and dreams we had behind.

Thank you for reading this

Julie x


Hi Julie,

I’m sorry to read how hard this is for you however, I understand what you are going through. When people say to keep busy it is hard because there is only so much you can do. Even when busy I find I’m thinking why am I bothering because there is no purpose now. As you say that special person is not there anymore to share your experiences with. You say you can’t see a happy future or any future without Ian and I feel the same without my husband.

I spend a lot of time on my own and I find it excrutiating. My husband and I were together fifty years and I miss him so much. He died five months ago. I still can’t believe he’s gone or don’t want to believe it.

Take care.x


Hello Trixie1
Just read your posting and I really feel sad for you. I have been without my husband for a few weeks now after 52 years of marriage. I definitely can’t cope without him. The loneliness is awful. People tell me it will get better but it would only be better for me if he was still here. People are so kind but I just want him here again. The loneliness is terrible but I have had postings from many people on this site and they do help me but I still want him back. I am sure other members of this site will make you feel they care and that really does help. Please take care. Love from .Carol


Trixie 1
I read your posts a lot as you are in the same place I am you are lucky you have had family to stay with. I have no one and friends seem to help sometime but not one have offered me to stay with them but I am not sure I want to leave the house. I have had one friend tell me when probate is through to move into a more rural community as it will get harder for me as I get older we built this house in 1982 so that would be hard. At the moment I just wish some magic wand would take me off this earth as without my beloved I have no future at all


Dear Loobyloo, Carol and Jessica

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. We all seem to be in the same awful situation with no end in sight. I have that magic wand feeling many a time Jessica.

I often say to myself ‘how have I ended up in this situation!’ Ian and are are both in our very late sixties and yet, not once did we think about what would happen if one of us passed away. We still had so many plans for the future, as I’m sure you all had, and now they are lost forever….

Take care everyone,

Julie x

1 Like