I don’t understand

I lost my Mum in January 2023. Both me and my brother still lived with her, we are in our 20’s. She battled cancer for almost 2 years before we lost her. I am struggling to come to terms with how my strong, independent, kind, caring Mum is not here. I watched the whole process from her being diagnosed with cancer up until she took her last breath and yet I can’t comphrehend how this disease took her. The fact I won’t see her again breaks my heart every single day, how is it that the one consistent person, the one person in this world i could 100% rely on is not here anymore. My mum didn’t want to go, she had so much life to give still (59 years old), she had shared with me how much she didn’t want to die and this reality broke her. I am tormented by how scared she must of been in the end as she struggled in hospital in her final few days. The thoughts that must of gone through her head and how scared she must of felt torment me every single day. She did not want to go and she had to face death head on, it kills me every single day. I miss her so much, I don’t know how I will do life without her.


Hello, I have just read your message and am so sorry about the loss of your wonderful Mother. Your Mum was stilll young and I can’t imagine how losing your Mum at your young age must feel. I hope you have many many happy memories to cling on to and hug because it’s tough. I hope you also have a good support ( friends) etc who can support you through this. This page has been so helpful for me in writing down my thoughts. I’m 51, a Mother and a daughter. Mum was 81 when she passed away over Christmas. We watched her fade with Alzheimer’s for about 4 years- although was a shock when she picked up an infection over Christmas and just fell asleep and didnt wake up. Was unexpected and she was on her own in hospital. Keep writing and connecting on here. Hopefully you will find it helpful. My son is your age and I can’t imagine him having to go through this - he is still a little lad in my eye despite being an engineer and 6ft 5. Take care x


Hi er1111,

I’m very sorry for your loss.

It’s extremely traumatic to lose a loved one to cancer. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2020, there was the initial fear of what could happen but doctors assured us that my dad’s cancer was very curable.

We found out last September that the cancer sadly returned and dad passed away two months later. I am older than you (36) and my dad older than your mum (70), however, my dad went from being incredibly fit and active with a sharp mind to rapidly deteriorating and passing away seemingly out of no where. The cancer had spread to dad’s bones but wasn’t in the organs, as a result I have really struggled to understand how he passed away so quickly. It feels like he was here one moment and gone the next.

I very much struggled with thoughts of my dad’s illness and his final weeks and days in hospice. I also have struggled to comprehend how he must have felt to have been given that diagnosis. I was with him in the GPs office when we were given the news and it felt like the end of the world. These thoughts feel worse when I’m having a particularly difficult day with the grief. I am sure your mum took comfort from you being there to support her.

Losing a parent is such a profound loss. I have found reading people’s posts on here very helpful. There are people of all ages who have lost loved ones and you will find support here.

Take care.


This really is a club I wouldn’t wish anyone to be a member of. My Mum (62 yrs old) passed away just over a week ago and said the exact same things as your Mum about being terrified and it is totally gut wrenching. She was only diagnosed 4 weeks before she left this cruel world but I don’t think anything would have prepared us for such an immense loss.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Sending you so much love and strength xx


I’ve just read your message and although I don’t understand how you feel totally I am experiencing similar feelings. I am 43 and lost my dad suddenly one month ago from cancer diagnosed and died within 9 days.

I feel like you do about how scared he must have been and that he had lots still to give (although older than your poor mum) and a friend of mine gave me some advice that may help you - I know it’s hard sometimes when people say things that aren’t helpful so ignore this if you need to.

My friend lost both his parents last year and said that for a long time he focused on their final days and weeks but then he started to also focus on their lives and not their deaths and gradually this eased his pain a bit, I have been trying to do the same thing with my dad.

Nothing anyone says will ever take away the pain I don’t think but I am sending you lots of love and strength during your unbearably sad time and in my mind I am thinking that I will see my dad gain somehow somewhere and sometime this is giving me some comfort.

Take care of yourself xxx


I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is so evil and has robbed so many of us. 9 days is so very fast :disappointed:

I do truly hope I can also train my brain to concentrate on all the wonderful memories instead of those last few weeks and especially the last crippling day. I will forever grieve the memories I never got to make with my Mum but also so very grateful to have lots to reminisce.
I miss her terribly and will also await the day I can hug her again.

Sending you all the love and strength right back at you. I know for sure we do not deserve this damage we carry on our shoulders xx


I lost my mum 6 weeks ago after a 1 year cancer battle.she was doing very well with her lukemia.then in feb became unwell where they found an aggressive liver cancer which took her away from us very quickly in just 3 weeks.i am feeling physical pain,anxiety across my chest,heartburn,cant sleep

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