I don’t want to be alone without my husband

Hi Nuran
Your husband sounds a wonderful man , a loving husband to you a a wonderful father to your son. My husband was also the most kindest & loving man too. I keep trying to tell myself that we have been so blessed to have had him in our lives . It’s heartbreaking especially watching your kids going through this it’s not fair. I do believe we will find the strength to get through each day although we have a very long and difficult journey ahead of us xx

Today is 1 month 1 day my love has gone. Every day is so hard he is not being knowing it more difficult as we always made decisions together. Now I can think. I do not know what is wrong or right. I am very grateful I have amazing in laws with me as I would not be cope like this. I have seen my parents yet as they are in Turkey it would be hard for me to go there and start my grief from the beginning as we have lots of memories everywhere.
I do not want to do anything I am too tired.xx

He is not being here with me and knowing it so hard…still can not believe

The tiredness is normal I feel the same it overwhelms you at times. Don’t push yourself to do things you can’t manage xx

Tiredness and apathy seem to be the norm, feels like you have no energy or desire to do anything . Nothing feels worth doing without him, just pointless.And now this talk of being able to take holidays soon just brings it home to us that we’ll never have that lovely experience with them again. So heartbreaking for us all, facing up to it is so hard but somehow we must try to find the strength. Oh have just heard on the radio it’s national widow’s day today, what a terrible label that is. I refuse to call myself that, as far as I’m concerned I’m still married to him and always will be.”An end of life sentence” they called it . Oh dear.

As far as I’m concerned I’m married to my wife. In her last moments she told me to find someone else to which I replied you are mine and no one can replace you. I’m 49 and meant it. National widow day. Nothing like tell you what has gone from your like like you need reminding.

As if anyone could ever ,ever replace them.That kind of love is for ever and that’s why we’re in such pain. She must have loved you so much to say that, my husband had a sudden stroke and never regained consciousness so I never really said goodbye properly. Just had to hope he heard me. Keep going and be there for her mum, that’s a lovely thing you can try to do for your wife .x

She thought of others till the end. I am fortunate that I had nearly 3 days with her. 1st was able to communicate for a minute at a time. 2nd was more yes no and 3rd was more of a noise. I kept talking to her the whole time. In her final moments she said ’ I love you. Goodbye’ then stopped breathing. While I will always treasure that moment it is increadbly upsetting. In tears typing it

I feel the same I will never call myself widower as I will be married to him all my life


Holidays no I can not bear think without him yet x

You are so right this pain will never go away

We have a little touring caravan and was staying in Exeter for her birthday in January. We went to dawlish and shoes our pitch for July. I’ve cancelled everything. I can’t bear driving the car let alone a holiday without her. She always had her hand on my leg under seatbelt. Just driving up road is painful

So much heartbreak, I’m in tears too, for my own pain and reading about yours. We had a holiday cottage booked in France for July, same one we used to go to. Boring, I know, but we loved it there.Never dreamed last year as we. happily said See you next year. Took everything for granted,how differently I’d have done things if only we’d known.x

Hi Nuran
I feel that immense pain too,
My daughter is 6yr and I’m so grateful for their innocence. Not so easy for us😢
I spend lots of my day crying seeing our memories all around our house which is painful in itself.
No-one can feel our pain, my friends and family try but if you haven’t experienced that pain how could they possibly know.
Each day is a struggle & effort and I wish someone (my husband) could tell me it’s going to be ok.

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Hi Sharon,
I can feel your pain as well. My friends keep saying I will get through this hell as I do not have any other choice. I need be better for our son as I know 100% Andy would have done same thing if I was the one no longer with us. He never let me down so I have to do the same thing.
I was talking to my in laws yesterday said to them. When we

I said to my in laws when we were walking as a family if I see a child with another parent it has never come across in my mind, the child may lose one of the parent or both. As I always thought the child has to have both parents but unfortunately it has been changed now. If I see couple with their kids it kills me…We both small children what are we going to do without our loved ones? As we were a great team he played with my son computer games as I am not into it and I baked with my child. So how can I give my child same knowledge my husband did? He was a genius (with most things) with technology etc…
How can I fill this hole? When my son asks about plant names when we are walking can not answer him but his dad did. And I am Turkish English is my second language so what am I doing with school works when gets older?

To be honest I am not thinking that far as I stopped thinking future or making plans.
Just trying to live NOW if I can learn how.

Just go day by day or even hour by hour. That’s me hour by hour. I try to set small goals but most times don’t get there. Today I changed bedding. Been dreading it as she will never be in bed with fresh cover. Balled my eyes out while removing them. But they needed to be changed. Can’t even throw her last used teabag away. But I’m on my own and don’t get visitors so I can do what I want.
You will learn to cope with the constant reminders but I don’t think the pain will go away

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As I need to clean the house but do not have the strength as I am still trying to work as well. Can not touch his clothes yet.

I have no plans to touch her clothes. I am fed up with people saying they will go through them for me. That’s my job if I ever get the strength to do it

No need to touch or sort her clothes, you may one day or you may never, but it doesn’t matter. I was like you with the bedding and felt heartbroken when they no
longer had his special smell. Like you with the teabag I have saved things from our last shopping trip, empty wrappers, receipts, all sorts of things. But we need those things at the moment, tangible evidence of them that we can’t bear to part with, same as clothes. I get a lot of comfort from burying my face in one of his( unwashed of course!) sweaters .Different for you but I snuggle into his pjs at night , don’t think you’d want to be putting a nightie on though. Sorry if that sounds flippant, it’s not meant that way, just trying to raise a little bit of a smile for a second x