My husband died of bowel cancer almost 16 weeks ago. The past 2-3 weeks have been agony. I am constantly in tears and not sleeping or eating well.
I am seeing a therapist but she is on leave for two weeks so in the meantime I am on my own. My daughter is brilliant but she lives 6 hours away. The only other support I have are my husband’s aunt/uncle (in their 70s) and an old friend who I have only recently caught up with after many years. I do have other family living close by but they are not available to me.
All day today my brain has been telling me that I can’t cope and that I don’t want to live my life without my husband. The pain of losing him never leaves me and I hate going to bed or doing anything without him……..I miss him so much
Hi Storybook, im so sorry for how you’re feeling, I understand, I lost my husband in March,..we were married for 35 years, its definitely not easy trying to live my life without my precious husband..i do have family, 2 children and 2 grandchildren, who mean the world to me…but I miss my husband so much, I think of him every moment of the day….i wish he was still here with me..but I hafta learn how to live a new life without my husband…sorry to hear your therapist is out at the moment. They didn’t give you any advice on what to do in the meantime??..i hope the therapist is helping, I hope posting here helps you too..we understand what you’re going through. Take care of yourself. Post whenever you want, there’s always someone here ready to listen. God bless you
I really feel your pain in your words and recognise how heavy your heart must feel, losing your husband feels like the end of everything.
I lost my loving and beautiful wife six weeks ago and since then I have been overwhelmed with grief and loneliness. Going to very dark places at times, crying and just feeling I can’t see the light in the world. It is really is a matter of accepting how you feel but also acknowledging that doing what you can, talking to someone, getting up in the morning and having something to eat is enough at the moment.
You miss your husband so much and your life together. You are grieving and the way you feel at the is a reflection of that. You are in my thoughts. Please try to be kind to yourself.
Yes,I understand.It’s an awful time,can t make any sense,it’s just pain and anxiety every day,sometimes worse than others.To be without our loved one,is like not being here either,no resting place.If you don’t feel up to anything,leave it,unless it’s unavoidable.You’ll have lots of these times,I’m afraid,we all do.Thinking of you,do take care.x
I’m so sorry, I lost my partner eleven months ago and there are days I still feel like that. It’s actually fairly common to wish you weren’t here anymore, after a great loss. Some days the feeling is stronger than others and I find that as the 1st anniversary looms I have regressed a lot, and those feelings of being overwhelmed have returned.
16 weeks is very early on in grief, you have lost the most important person in your life, your heart has been ripped out, everything has changed in an instant, and you now have to navigate a life you didn’t ask for. It is no wonder you feel the way you do. Have you seen your GP for a referral for counselling? Some people on here have found it helpful, others not so much. Grief is different for everyone, there is no specific timeline for when you will feel “better”. Keep in touch with your family and your friend, even a text is better than nothing. Hopefully you will find some peace soon. Take care and keep posting, there are many people here on the site who understand.
Hi SB. Sorry for your loss. I also lost my partner Theresa in March and at times it is very hard to come to terms with, other days it is, not so bad but it can change so quickly with the least wee thing . Every one on here will understand how you are feeling as most of us will probably have felt the same way at time feeling we can’t cope. It’s a very hard road we are all on together. Take care
This is like reading about my own experience. My beloved husband died in April and today I feel like I am back in the immediate aftermath. I don’t see the point of anything. I am only hear for my family but then I am overwhelmed with the fear of something happening to them and having to go through this all again but even more alone.
welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of!
Losing one’s beloved soulmate is one of the most horrible things to happen to someone.
Especially the first months are an absolute nightmare, so many different emotions swirling around in the mind.
The despair, the pain, the sadness and the hopelessness will fade away a bit as time passes but they will always be present.
Your beloved husbands are looking out for you from Heaven and, at a later time, you will be reunited with them in eternal love.
Please be kind to yourselves and take good care!
If your appetite is down I do recommend some high-calorie weight gainer drinks.
They do come in a wide variety of flavors, either ready-made or as a powder to mix with milk.
It’s important for you to take in the nutrients your body needs.
May God bless, protect, strengthen, guide and comfort you!
Dear @Storybook I can so 100% sympathyse with you! I lost my wonderful husband 6 months ago and not a day goes by that I don’t cry out to God “I don’t want to be here”. I do have a counselling therapy session every week - which has helped a little bit – but I don’t think there is any way around the fact that the pain and the grief are horrible and there’s very little we can do about it. I try to distract myself with work and chores and listening to endless audiobooks and try to numb the pain doing exercise. Sending you a big hug!!
I’m almost one year into this journey (am dreading the anniversary) and have lots of things to distract me. But today, in my exercise class, I wanted to run away from it. It all felt raw, memories came flooding back.
My husband didn’t believe in anything after death - but I do seem to feel his presence when I ask for it/when it is needed. I don’t know whether it is wishful thinking but I hope not as I love it when it happens.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is very much appreciated.
Hello, I’ve just joined and it’s a comfort to know that there are others in the same situation. My wife of 53 years died on Thursday 3rd sept. I am totally devastated and fell like my heart has been torn out. I spend my days in periods of sobbing from the depths of my stomach. On top of that I am waiting for a phone call for a death certificate so that I can register her death. I know it’s early days but I shall be glad when my dear wife is laid to rest,
It is a lot of admin and things to do at the start. Just take your time and do it at your own pace.
This is a busy time and sometimes you don’t actually get time to process your grief so try and be kind to yourself (people say this to me - it is good advice even if I am not entirely sure what it means).
Hello Robs, im so sorry for the loss of your wife, you will be going through so many emotions now,…numb, confused, anger lost, those are all normal feelings when we’ve lost our loved one. ..I do hope you have support around you to help out with whatever it is you need, ..because at times, we don’t even look after ourselves… keep posting here if it helps, there’s so many people here to listen and hopefully offer you some advice. Take care and God bless you
Hello Clareyb, im so sorry for your loss, I lost my husband in march, it’ll be coming on the 6 months of losing him, ..its so devastating just knowing ill never see him again, I had never been apart from my precious husband ..i have my kids and grandkids that keep me busy, im so blessed to have them, but I sure miss my best friend and soul mate, ..do you have family? It helps having family and friends for support, but sometimes being alone is helpful too. I don’t like crying in front of my family..take care and God bless you
I am very fortunate. I have two stepsons who I am close to, along with their wonderful partners, but they do not live close to me and have their own lives etc. so I don’t like to burden them as they are dealing with their own grief. I also live with my mother who is in her late 70s - I am just worried about her dying now (which has always been a great fear). Anxiety and depression regularly have me in their grip (since I was a child) but for the last 13 years I had my wonderful husband to help, or at least an idea of a future with him should my mum pass. But now that is gone and I am truly going to be alone.
Hi and sorry for your loss, that’s exactly the way I feel, I just don’t want to be here. It’s worsening as the 1st anniversary approaches. I’ve tried distracting myself as much as possible but the dark feelings always return. It’s difficult to talk to anyone in the family about this as it upsets them, and I get the impression some think I should be getting over my partner’s death. No one would dare say that to me though.
You’re not alone in the way you feel
I plead with God just to take me quietly but then I think “does he really exist” ? I’ve lost everything that mattered, my soulmate, my faith and the old confident me Take care
Dear @Norma1 - yes family and others don’t understand and I get told off big time if I mention something like that, so I try to shut up. I have not lost my faith though I can’t understand why God took my husband the way He did, we couldn’t even say good bye, but yes, other than that I do feel that very little matters now….. Sending you a big hug!
..i have my kids and grandkids that keep me busy, im so blessed to have them, but I sure miss my best friend and soul mate, ..do you have family? It helps having family and friends for support, but sometimes being alone is helpful too. I don’t like crying in front of my family..take care and God bless you