It’s been a month today. My boy is always on my mind. I don’t understand why he had to leave. I’m struggling. I just want to hold him and look into his beautiful eyes and look at his amazing smile. I wish I could hear him tell me he loves me again. I want to see his face light up on Christmas Day when he sees I got him everything he asked for. I just want my baby back 
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Hello @Lostwithouthim, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Your loss is so very recent and raw. The first Christmas without our loved ones can be so hard, and it may feel especially so when it is a child that has died. I wanted to share our Coping with grief at Christmas support page with you in case it is helpful.
You are not alone. In the new year, you may want to explore getting some extra support for yourself.
- Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40 and visit their website at http://www.childbereavementuk.org
- The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304 and visit their website at https://www.tcf.org.uk
Please do keep reaching out here - take care,
Seaneen
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Hi @Lostwithouthim. I don’t think I can say anything that would help except that you are not alone. I lost my 9 year old so a few weeks ago because doctors missed his condition in a&e and sent us home. My wife and I are in despair. It’s unbearable. I feel like it’s getting worse every day. I can’t look at pictures without crying and am still in disbelief it happened. I keep wondering how I can get him back. Surely this cannot have happened to him, it’s not real and it will go back to as it was soon.
I’m constantly searching google and forums and Facebook for something that may help get past this stage as it’s killing me. I can’t work but am self employed I need to.
I can’t find any help on getting through this specific stage of disbelief and acceptance.
I’ve been wondering if meeting up with others helps, like they do for Alcoholics Anonymous where we can open up and talk about it and have a good cry, but can’t find a such service. I it know what would help at this stage there’s nothing specific online. I’ve been told I need to wait 6 weeks for a therapist. So I feel quite alone in this.
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Hi @dylansdad im so sorry for your loss. I know it’s traumatic right now. Our son was 8 when he passed, it’s been just over 6 weeks now and I still cry uncontrollably everyday. I don’t know how to move forward without him. I have dreamt about him every night since it happened. We still have no answers, we don’t know why he passed, what caused it. I called the corner the other day and they had no update, just told me it will take a long time because he is a child. It’s like I’m in limbo right now. The guilt I feel is extreme. I feel like because I am his mum I should have known something was wrong. I’ve been told counseling will take around 8 weeks but I don’t feel ready to speak about it face to face yet anyway. Anytime someone talks about him or brings up what happened I just break down and can’t physically get my words out. I see him everywhere, memories all around me and I know people say I should find comfort in that but I don’t. It just reminds me that I will never see my baby again. I have started writing to him though, in a little book. Just telling him how much I miss and love him. Maybe that will help you too? Could be worth a try for you? Thank you so much for reaching out and replying to my conversation on here.
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I’m writing my feelings down, but not letters to him. Just my feelings. Because I have so many different thoughts and emotions. I’d like to publish them online because I can’t find anyone else talking about the specific emotions I have. For example, I’ve spent hours googling time travel to save him! Or lying under the covers wishing to wake up in the past. That’s how much a disbelieve it’s happened and there must be a way to get him back. It’s not right I’m left to my own crazy thoughts like this. I want to publish them in case others have the same thoughts so they know they’re not alone.
I feel that talking about it does help I think. I only talk about it to my wife, her mum and a berievement nurse that calls. I don’t talk to my wife as much as the others, as we grieve different and I can’t use my grief to mess with hers. So her mum and the nurse listen. I cry a lot to them. But I think it helps. So I do think try to find someone who’ll listen and just let it out and have a cry. If you don’t have a bereavement nurse (the health board appointed one to us and she calls once a week) then try the people at various charities like cruse or compassionate friends. They’ll listen. They will talk to you too but I find their advice generic, like “time will heal” and don’t address my specific thoughts, but it’s good they listen and you can cry to them too.
I’m the same with his pictures. I wasn’t so bad last week but this week it’s worse. I’m scared to open my photos app as it will trigger a breakdown. Instead I constantly get memories or the photos pop into my head through the day and trigger a breakdown anyway.
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Hi I’m feeling the exact same I just want to hold and hug him, i will never get over this ……the pain in my heart will never heel my boy was 29 and he left me 14 months ago he was a doner sand saved 3 people’s life which is a massive comfort to me I tell him everyday he’s a hero
He never hurt a soul and was too good for this cruel world we live in 
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Hello @Louisecall,
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Thank you for reaching out for support - the community is here for you.
You have mentioned that your son was a donor. I just wanted to share the details of the NHS Blood and Transplant Donor Family Care Service with you. If you are wondering about the recipients, or have any questions about your loved one’s donation, they are there to support you. You can visit their website at: https://www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/donorfamilycare or you can get in touch with them:
- By phone: 0330 041 2428, Monday – Friday, 8am – 5pm
- By email: donor.familycare@nhsbt.nhs.uk, Monday – Friday, 8am – 5pm
- By post: Donor Family Care Service, NHS Blood and Transplant, 14 Estuary Banks, Speke, Liverpool, L24 8RB
I hope this information is helpful for you - take good care.
Seaneen
Hi
Thank you so much for your message…. I’ve been waiting to see if I could someway get in touch with my sons donors
It would truly give me great comfort knowing that Jacob my son did this heroic thing
I’ll never ever get over losing my only child so just to hear he saved someone’s life will be amazing
Kind regards
Louise
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My daughter died on the 8th March the day my world was ripped apart. I also feel totally lost and cheated I feel like someone actually stole my daughter from me she was 7 years old.
She was sick on the Tuesday when she finished school the next day she died and we don’t have any answers as to why she was a happy little girl I can’t believe she’s gone
All I keep thinking is why why her ? Everyday is worst than the last I can’t believe she has gone
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Hi @Lostwithouthim sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost my daughter in March this year she was nearly 8. Me and her dad are absolutely devastated and broken it was sudden and unexpected we too as yet don’t know how she died.
I read your post and it was like your were reading my mind x
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I hear you. My son died just over three months ago at 28, I have two kids that I want to be there for. While I want to help them with their grieving, I don’t want to be that ‘burdensome’ mom. I miss him so much. He was my light.
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