My husband died a month ago after a battle with cancer. He was only 50. I am really struggling. The pain is immense. I honestly think if I didn’t have my children, I wouldn’t want to be alive. My future has disappeared and I am just existing and getting through the day for them, In a way, I have died too.
Is this normal to feel like this or am
I severely depressed?
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband over two years ago - he died suddenly in front of me, and I am on my own now. Are your children still at home? Maybe you can join a local bereavement group to talk about your situation? I am still on tablets to calm me down, and I know how lost, confused and sad you feel. My pain is still there, but it is not so intense the whole time. I have my husband’s ashes upstairs in our bedroom, which gives me inner peace, and I have cushions with his face all over the place so that I can cuddle him. Do you have someone who can help you and come around to talk to you, family, friends, etc? Sending hugs and love.
London Mum, Sometimes it does seem like life is impossible, one thing I have learned since losing my darling wife of 52 years, a year ago, is that people who have not lost some very dear to them, like your partner just cannot understand what you are going through. You have found this forum where we are all on this hard journey and we do understand. My children, who are adults, have been very supportive. Although still struggling there are times that I do feel better but it is a rollercoaster.
We all feel the loss. You are not alone, come on here for a chat, it does help me.
Thank you for replying and for sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry.
I have friends who have been supportive, but they don’t live close by although they do check in on me most days. The children (teenagers) are at home. They are a big distraction as I’m determined to support them and help them as best I can as their world has come crashing down.
Yes, it’s definitely a lonely place. I feel like a madwoman saying how I feel to others that haven’t been through this. I feel I am a zombie existing in a parallel universe of grief and sorrow, and yet I cannot do anything else but get up and get through the day. Living with my husband’s cancer was another parallel universe. Why do some of us have to struggle like this with life ? It isn’t right…
I’m really not sure how I’m going to exist on this planet without him - and I don’t really want to. We had so many plans and dreams for the future which have vanished. People say that grief is the price you pay for love, but this pain is more than I can bear. Friends also say how lucky we are to have found each other, but they have found their ‘one’ and don’t have to go through this. I don’t understand why me out of all us…
Thank you for letting me outpour on here
Im so sorry for your loss, I lost my beloved husband on 23rd November 2024 to cancer, he had just turned 50 in June.
Sorry to hear that. How are you now?
Truthfully, I’m struggling without him, I’m angry, hurt.
After 22 years of us its now just me, ive not stopped crying since that day.
The pain in my heart is unbearable and half of me is missing.
Now I’m just existing waiting for the day I can be with him again.
I miss him so much, I’ve been robbed of a future together.
I just want to scream
LondonMum - what you are feeling is entirely normal and unfortunately that is what we have to live with after we lose our partners. I am 6 months out from the sudden death of my beloved husband and I would describe my life as comprised of terrible days, bad days and better days. I wish I could tell you that the better days are increasing but I don’t feel as if they are. However, I am functioning. I try to distract myself with work or other jobs during each day and it sounds as if your children will fulflill that role for you - it’s a good thing. I have found reading very helpful for understanding my feelings. I’ve read a couple of good books, “A year of magical thinking” and “the grieving brain” which each helped me. I also follow a woman on Facebook (Sophie Dembling) who lost her partner 5 years ago and I find her blogs very helpful and supporting. Someone said that grief is like snakes and ladders - you string a few days together where you feel a bit more normal and a bit more like living rather than just existing and then wham, you suddenly fall down a great big snake and you feel worse than you ever thought you could. Grief is something you have to go through not something that can be got over and I have got better at accepting that and telling myself that my feelings don’t stay the same even over 24 hours. So even when I get like I was at lunch time today, a sobbing, screaming mess, I am not like that now - permanently sad, yes but it manifests differently every day and often every hour. And there are days when I feel relatively ok. Keep coming on here because the people are so supportive and understanding. Feel for you xxx
@Londonmum I too am 6 months out too its exactly as it is im afraid terrible and hard to come to terms with I’m so sorry you have now become one of us on here i wish you hadn’t i lost my partner Linda on 8/10/24 at 53 after 14 years together as a couple and we were due to marry later this year its not a nice situation to be in as many of us on here already know too well we are here to hopefully help when you need to just talk because we get it all to well you look after you i know its really hard love is painful to lose god only knows it hurts take it slow one step at a time its the only way big big hugs
Martin 
Hi there I’m so sorry about your loss, I lost my wife to cancer in January she was 53 we all know how you’re feeling it’s horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I know things are tough at the moment, so if you ever need to chat we are all here for you x
Thank you all for replying. You are right, I don’t feel so alone. I
I’m so sorry Poppet73 that you are feeling like this - I completely get where you’re coming from. If we are feeling so bad, I’m not sure what the point is, to be honest, but I’m sure no one can answer that…
It feels like I’ve walked through a door that I didn’t want to walk through, and now everything has changed. I was in ignorant bliss before and it was nice. Sleep walking through life, and now I’m more knowing, world (life) weary and, strangely, awake to what life is really like, as you don’t really know until you experience a loss like this.
Penny8 thank you for the recommendations of those books and the author (I’ve followed her on FB now). Your description of your grief rings so true.
Xx
I’m so sorry for your dreadful loss. My friend whose husband died 11 years ago when her children were teenagers said you just get used to it. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. But a lot older than your husband, I still cry everyday and it’s horribly lonely but I am getting used to it. As my friend said. I hope things get a little easier for you.
Londonmum, my husband passed away in may of last year after being diagnosed with cancer in the February. He was 61 and I too feel robbed of all the time we had ahead of us. Make sure you look after yourself as well as your young children and allow yourself to grieve, there is no right or wrong way we are all learning to work our way through as best we can x
Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I feel trapped in this life with this pain. And there is nothing I can do about it. Not a nice place to be. X
Yes its normal but who am i really to say you are surviving for your children so keep that in mind as time goes you will learn to deal with it 
London mum, I am sending you so much strength and love.
I lost my husband in August of last year, 3 weeks after his cancer diagnosis. He was 43. We have a three year old son, and similar to you, without him, I don’t think I’d still be here.
7 months on I still feel so lonely, despite having amazing family and friends. They aren’t Steven 
The pain is still intense and threatens to engulf me at any point, but I do manage to find little bits of light.
It is existing, there is no other word for it, and all we can do is put one foot in front of the other until hopefully one day, the pain is less heavy to bare.
Be kind to yourself, parenting and supporting your children whilst in your own grief is hard.
Sending you strength and love xx
Dear Nicola. Thank you for your message. It must have been a truly horrendous time for you. I’m so, so very sorry. Yes, one foot in front of another is all we can do.
I am trying to think what reason the universe has for such suffering and pain; but of course there is no reason and it will drive me mad trying to find an answer that doesn’t exist. As you say, hopefully it will feel a little lighter in time…
Sending lots of strength and courage.
I understand how you feel, I had 4 weeks after the diagnosis with my husband, he had just turned 50 in June.
I lost my wife of 40 years in Nov 23 after a short battle with bowel cancer that spread to her liver. She had sclerosis of the liver so Dr’s said nothing they could do except dreaded chemo which in my opinion made her worse. I know exactly what you mean when you say if you didn’t have kids you wouldn’t be here. I feel the same. Life is just so so hard. We try and manage, keep busy, look for the reasons why we are here but nothing makes sense. On my OK days I just throw myself into being busy but the bad days are so dark and lonely. I don’t feel lonely because I’m on my own I feel lonely without her. No one and nothing else can possibly fill the void. However we have to take each day as it comes and prey they are looking over us and waiting for us to start all over again. We know they wouldn’t want us feeling such pain. It’s undescribable pain, so deep. I died the day she did. My heart and soul is her and so I’m broken beyond repair. I’m here for my kids (39 and 36) and my 4 grandchildren. That’s it. The last six years I’ve lost my mum, wife, mother in law and father in law who I loved dearly. Now my brother is dying with cancer. I’m trying so so hard to be strong but sometimes I just can’t focus or know what to do.
I torture myself all the time trying to make sense of it all. It’s senseless. I struggle seeing truly horrible people still being able to live and breathe, when my Husband was such a truly good person, who gave so much to the world. He had so much good still to do.
It’s hard to imagine feeling normal ever again, but I’m told you it doesn’t get smaller, you just grow around the grief. One day at a time, and if that feels too much, break it down to hour to hour. Sending lots of love xx