My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer on the same day the teaching course I was on told me they did not have the budget to keep me on. My dad died 10 weeks later and I used my savings to help my parents during those 10 weeks and for the funeral. There are still ongoing issues and complaints trying to sort out all the financial things for my Mam and sister. There is now tension between myself and my Mam (she doesn’t understand why I’m so upset when she lost her husband and I only lost my dad…) whenever I try and talk about how I feel all I get is ‘your not the only one’ or ‘how do you think we feel’ for the last 2 weeks I’ve started having health issue and I think it’s because I’m so stressed. It’s a week before Christmas and for the first time in my life I’m dreading it!
Some people respond to grief and loss with anger, and this may be what is happening to your mother. Of course your loss is terrible. Try to find and talk to someone removed from you all, like a close friend or a relative who is more distant from the family unit. You can’t afford to let yourself be further hurt by negative attitudes, though these are to some degree understandable. My own daughter died two days ago. As I was her sole parent, and get on well with her partner, I am fortunate in receiving nothing but kindness and support. At present I cannot respond, I am too unhappy to appreciate it but I know with time I will benefit by their kindness.
Sorry to hear about your dad, my mum died in October and I know how hard it is when family are not supportive. My own siblings have left me out of everything, I dont live near them and wasnt asked to be part of the funeral arrangements, not even part of the funeral, just there and not a word since. Also the same regarding health issues, it has affected me so much with things I have never experienced before and like you I believe it is down to the stress. You must begin to think of yourself a bit and take care of your health. Christmas doesnt help, the memories seem heightened at this time of the year. I am telling myself to switch off for a few days, mentally and try to just let it go. best wishes