I don't feel I can do this .

My darling wife died 2 weeks ago . We had 56 years together . We always said we were like two peas in a pod . She was 16 when I met her . She changed my life with her love , care and warmth . We never wanted much . just to be together . We had few friends . We didn’t need them . We became one person . She got me through cancer and other issues . She gave me a reason to live . She taught me the true meaning of love . She showed it in her every word and deed . I adored her and she adored me back . We had wonderful happy times just doing simple things . Anything done together was wonderful . Sitting by a lake , holding hands as we walked along , evenings on the sofa just happy in each other’s company . We loved the garden and spent happy hours tending it and sitting there . Just recently she planted troughs and tubs with flowers . These are now flowering but she is not here to see them . A million things remind me of her . Everything we owned was bought together and each one has it’s own story .
The funeral was last Thursday . I thought I was going to pass out but somehow I got through it .
In a way I feel as though this is just a terrible time but soon she will be back and things will go back to normal . I feel empty and not a whole person . I feel sick inside . I can’t eat properly or sleep at night . I cry so many times every day . When I wake up , I wish I hadn’t . I just have to face another day of extreme grief and loneliness . My son is a help but he has his own family . I know I have to carry on for his sake and yet I feel I just can’t . I can see no life now .
The pain is overwhelming and engulfs me . My voice has gone weak and my legs are like jelly when I walk .
I only had a few days warning that she had terminal cancer . She had no real symptoms until the end . I torture myself wondering if I should have noticed something but there was nothing to notice . The day she was taken ill we had been out for coffee . She just said she felt very tired . The next day we were told that nothing could be done for her . She died a few days later . She faced it with dignity and strength . The last time I saw her I told her I loved her and was so grateful for the love and care she had given me . I used to tell her that very often during our marriage . I am thankful I never took her for granted . She amazed me every day . She was beautiful , gentle caring and radiated love . How can I carry on without that . Without her I am nothing . The world has become a scary place and I feel I no longer belong in it without my wonderful Janet .


Dear Noel,
I am so very sorry that you have lost your wonderful wife.
The tribute to her… and the life you shared together… that you have posted here will resonate with all of us on this site and you can be sure that we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
There are no easy answers for those of us who have been left behind. It is a difficult path we now tread and the sadness can be overwhelming but, somehow, we continue to put one foot in front of the other and honour our loved one by doing the best we can…we are who we are because we loved and were loved in return and that never ever leaves us.
Please don’t give up…Take each hour as it comes and know that you can post here anytime and someone who understands will answer.
Take care.


Dear @noel,
To say I am so, so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife Janet just sounds so totally inadequate, I don’t think there are words to fully express the depths of our sorrow when we lose our partners.

The words you have written about your wife are so eloquent and your love for each other shines through like a bright star. In quite a few of your comments I recognise similarities to the relationship between my wife and I. If said my wife was my entire universe it would be a huge understatement. We were together for only 31 years, and next week will be the first anniversary of her passing (I still struggle to use the “d” word). I can vividly recall how I felt on that fateful day - total disbelief, fear, loneliness, the feeling that my own life had ended too - and I only survived the following week with a lot of help and care from two very dear friends. It felt like a horrible nightmare then, and the nightmare still persists almost a year later.

I recognise the physical symptoms you describe too. I couldn’t sleep for 4 days solid, couldn’t bear to go into our bedroom for 2 weeks, and even when I did I was lucky to sleep for 4 broken hours per night. I was like a zombie going around in a total daze for weeks, if not months. I developed a bad stutter which I still haven’t lost. I was in a permanent state of heartbreak, and my emotions were totally uncontrollable. Now I seem to have graduated to a state of numbness, punctuated by bouts of crying and feelings of extreme loss, fear and uncertainty. It all just seems never-ending.

You are still in the very early stages of your loss, it’s a horrible, dark place to be, emotions are so raw and out of control, and we all suffer and deal with things differently. We are prisoners to our private thoughts and feelings. I’m afraid I don’t have any great words of wisdom to offer, but it may be a small sliver of comfort to know that you are not alone in how you feel.

I wish you all the very best, my friend, and know that you are in the thoughts of people on this forum.

Take good care,


Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your memories are beautiful so cling to them. You are more than likely still in complete shock. I lost my Jay 7 weeks ago very suddenly at age 44 to a heart attack. It really is a day at a time at the minute, sometimes an hr at a time. At times I feel every emotion in the space of 10 minutes. Its so hard to try and get on with things, putting on a brave face when all you want to do is disappear. I find texting here helps me and I don’t feel just as alone as everyone is in similar situations. Its easier when someone understands what you’re going through. Look after yourself, take things at your own pace and let each emotion come and go. Sending hugs xx


Hello @noel .I feel so sorry for the loss of your lovely Janet. You are still in shock and disbelief at the moment. I could have written your letter almost word for word about my lovely husband Mike who passed fairly quickly just 1 year ago. I am still in a state of shock, grief and disbelief as he was and still is my whole world, but over the months I have had wonderful support from others facing the same daily trials. It helps just to understand that others are hurting too and will be there for you where family and friends often disappear after a short while. It is O.K. to grieve, to cry, to feel whatever you feel. If you need to talk to anyone one this site you can always send a Private Message to make corresponding easier and I’m sure that sharing your grief lets you know you are never alone.
Love and light.x