I don't know how I'm going to cope

This is only the second time I have posted on here but tonight I feel so overwhelmed with my feelings that I have to write them down. Way back in July 2019 my dad was diagnosed with Dementia, then in August 2019 my Brother was Diagnosed with inoperable Bile duct cancer. My brother had treatment with stents and chemotherapy which nearly killed him and he was so ill but he pulled through and his tumor became stable so with palliative care he has so far managed to have a reasonable quality of life and helped me care for our dad, on 30th December our dad finally passed away, it was quite traumatic as we nursed him at home for ten days with the help of carers, this had a profound affect on our mum, as they had been together for 70 years and not long after his death mum suffered a stroke and was later diagnosed with vascular dementia and alzheimer’s and so the cycle of caring began again. I was holding down a full time job and my brother was becoming increasingly unwell but luckily we also had the help of my mums brother and his wife. We struggled on for a year but I’m proud of what we did for mum, she knew we loved her and we never thought of putting her in a home. In December 2023 mum had a fall and ended up in hospital where after a three week fight she sadly passed away on 29th January 2024 just thirteen months after dad. This affected us all greatly, the grief has been overwhelming for me and my brother but we’ve had each other to lean on and talk about our childhood and share our memories of mum and dad, but my brother has been getting more ill by the day and this week we have been told that all treatment is now to end and there is nothing more the hospital can do except keep him as pain free as possible. He has weeks maybe months at the most and I am devasted. I feel so sorry for him, he is scared and I know he does not want to leave his family, he is only 61 and a recent grandad. I am being a bit selfish because I am dreading watching another member of my family die, I have no other siblings so he is my last link with my parents, the last person that I can share those memories of our wonderful childhood, he is my brother, my partner in crime. We were both there when dad died and we were both there when mum died and I am determined I will be there when he dies its the grief after that I am dreading as it just seems that’s all I have done for the past few years. I want to stay strong for him as he’s been a really good big brother, always looking out for me and I love him dearly I don’t know what I’m hoping to get from posting on here, maybe just a few words of encouragement or advice on how to support him or maybe just to get it all off my chest.
Thanks for reading


Well done for sharing, Linda. What a terrible, terrible time you’re going through. This forum will help you a lot. :yellow_heart:

Hi @lyn6
OMG, you have been through so much, sending super-sized hugs of support :teddy_bear:. It’s not selfish of you to not want to suffer the loss of your brother’s passing on top of all the bereavement you’ve been through, it’s understandable that you dread losing him. There are always people here on this forum, you are not alone. If it helps, maybe pre-look up what support is in your area, in some areas there are bereavement groups, I go to a group run by the charity mind, they have been very helpful, & it helps to be around other people. I hope you have other friends & family who can help support you through this heartbreaking time.

Hi Pandaprincess
Thankyou for the hug of support. Yes I do have people around me so I won’t be alone when the inevitable happens but sometimes I actually find I express my true thoughts and feelings more to people I don’t know. A lot of what I wrote in my post I have not spoke out loud to my family as I find that hard but it was a lot easier to write my feeling down.
Thankyou x

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I can understand that, it’s like talking to a counsellor, as they are a stranger, they are not emotionally involved, as where with family, we keep things from them, sometimes because we don’t want to upset them, or feel we don’t want to burden them with our issues, with some people, we may be aware of how they might react or respond to certain things, … So it’s understandably easier to talk to strangers, I guess in some ways maybe part of it is that, part of the joy in them being strangers, is that we don’t need to worry for their opinions, because what are the odds on us seeing them again.
Glad to hear you have people around you that will support you, look after yourself.