This is only the second time I have posted on here but tonight I feel so overwhelmed with my feelings that I have to write them down. Way back in July 2019 my dad was diagnosed with Dementia, then in August 2019 my Brother was Diagnosed with inoperable Bile duct cancer. My brother had treatment with stents and chemotherapy which nearly killed him and he was so ill but he pulled through and his tumor became stable so with palliative care he has so far managed to have a reasonable quality of life and helped me care for our dad, on 30th December our dad finally passed away, it was quite traumatic as we nursed him at home for ten days with the help of carers, this had a profound affect on our mum, as they had been together for 70 years and not long after his death mum suffered a stroke and was later diagnosed with vascular dementia and alzheimer’s and so the cycle of caring began again. I was holding down a full time job and my brother was becoming increasingly unwell but luckily we also had the help of my mums brother and his wife. We struggled on for a year but I’m proud of what we did for mum, she knew we loved her and we never thought of putting her in a home. In December 2023 mum had a fall and ended up in hospital where after a three week fight she sadly passed away on 29th January 2024 just thirteen months after dad. This affected us all greatly, the grief has been overwhelming for me and my brother but we’ve had each other to lean on and talk about our childhood and share our memories of mum and dad, but my brother has been getting more ill by the day and this week we have been told that all treatment is now to end and there is nothing more the hospital can do except keep him as pain free as possible. He has weeks maybe months at the most and I am devasted. I feel so sorry for him, he is scared and I know he does not want to leave his family, he is only 61 and a recent grandad. I am being a bit selfish because I am dreading watching another member of my family die, I have no other siblings so he is my last link with my parents, the last person that I can share those memories of our wonderful childhood, he is my brother, my partner in crime. We were both there when dad died and we were both there when mum died and I am determined I will be there when he dies its the grief after that I am dreading as it just seems that’s all I have done for the past few years. I want to stay strong for him as he’s been a really good big brother, always looking out for me and I love him dearly I don’t know what I’m hoping to get from posting on here, maybe just a few words of encouragement or advice on how to support him or maybe just to get it all off my chest.
Thanks for reading
Linda
Well done for sharing, Linda. What a terrible, terrible time you’re going through. This forum will help you a lot. 
Hi @lyn6
OMG, you have been through so much, sending super-sized hugs of support 
. It’s not selfish of you to not want to suffer the loss of your brother’s passing on top of all the bereavement you’ve been through, it’s understandable that you dread losing him. There are always people here on this forum, you are not alone. If it helps, maybe pre-look up what support is in your area, in some areas there are bereavement groups, I go to a group run by the charity mind, they have been very helpful, & it helps to be around other people. I hope you have other friends & family who can help support you through this heartbreaking time.
Hi Pandaprincess
Thankyou for the hug of support. Yes I do have people around me so I won’t be alone when the inevitable happens but sometimes I actually find I express my true thoughts and feelings more to people I don’t know. A lot of what I wrote in my post I have not spoke out loud to my family as I find that hard but it was a lot easier to write my feeling down.
Thankyou x
I can understand that, it’s like talking to a counsellor, as they are a stranger, they are not emotionally involved, as where with family, we keep things from them, sometimes because we don’t want to upset them, or feel we don’t want to burden them with our issues, with some people, we may be aware of how they might react or respond to certain things, … So it’s understandably easier to talk to strangers, I guess in some ways maybe part of it is that, part of the joy in them being strangers, is that we don’t need to worry for their opinions, because what are the odds on us seeing them again.
Glad to hear you have people around you that will support you, look after yourself.
I’m not sure if I’m doing this right to follow on from my previous message concerning my recent loss of my parents and now the inevitable happened and my lovely, kind, compassionate, brave brother passed away on 9th May 2024 just two years after dad and just one year after our mum. He fought so hard to stay alive and battled with Pancreatic cancer for four years but the last seven months of his life were horrendous, he hardly left the house and he just wasted away to a skeleton of the man he used to be, right up until a week before he died he kept making plans to go on holiday this summer and what he would be doing for Christmas as if in some kind of denial, his wife of ten years stayed by his side but she was also not well so I was over at the house most days and as I worked in a supermarket he would send me shopping lists for food that he knew he couldn’t eat and holiday brochures for places he would never visit but I played along with it. Then the day before he died I went over and asked the usual “how are you today” and he looked at me and my husband in the eye and just said “I’m dying and I’m scared”. It was the first time he’d actually said those words to me, he then asked me to cuddle him like we did when we were kids and I used to sneak into his bed as I was scared of the dark, we cuddled and held hands and talked about our childhood and his fears (that are too hard for me to repeat). when we left he seemed quite upbeat and was actually tucking into fish and chips after not having solid food for weeks so when I got the call at 5.30am the next day to get round there I didn’t quite think anything would happen but sadly at 8.45am he passed away with all his family around and in his own home. I’m devastated and it just does not seem to sink in that he’s gone and I now have no immediate family left, they’ve all gone in the space of three years, I’ve cried twice and that’s all, nobody knows how sad I am because I don’t really talk about it, I feel bad because I’m also angry at the fact that his wife (quite rightly) is getting all the sympathy. I feel like shouting, she was only with him ten years I knew him all my life. What about me? How selfish of me to think that, she’s a lovely women and is going through hell too and I would never say that to her, in fact this is the first time I’ve actually admmited to feeling like this. I am heartbroken but no body knows as I just carry on as normal but inside it feels like nothing will be normal again. My brother was my last connection to those childhood memories, I can’t bare the fact that he was scared at the end, I’m also scared that it will eventually sink in that it’s true and he has gone, grief is so confusing. again I’m not sure why I feel the need to write all this on here when I can’t say it to my husband or my friends, maybe I just needed to get it off my chest to people that won’t judge me.
Tanks for reading
Hi @lyn6
I’m so sorry to hear of your brother’s passing after the grief of loosing your parents, 
. It’s always a shock when someone we love passes. It’s not selfish to want your feelings to be acknowledged to, it’s understandable, I can understand from your posts that your brother was a big part of your life, & a great support while you were caring for your parents, he must of been a very strong, kind, & caring person to do that while he was so ill, & I can hear in your posts, in the way you speak of him, that you are proud of him for that care & support. The people who would care & help support us through anything, & it hurts when they’re gone, but in a way they will always live on in our hearts, in our memories of them, & in the things we learn from them. Sending hugs of support at this heartbreaking time.
Thankyou for your kind words. I am very proud of my brother and thankyou for the hugs of support they are greatly appreciated x