I don't know what to do

In 3 days time it will be 10 months since my dear Mum died - after 3 horrendous years watching her slowly deteriorate.
I’d been living at 100mph for so long, first caring for her, then going from work to home to hospital and back, every day. After she died the first few weeks were spent on auto-pilot, doing all the legal stuff. funeral, bills, house etc. I even started a new job 2 weeks after she went, after all I’d been coping with everything for so long, why would this be any different.
But then I just physically and mentally ground to a halt and I couldn’t function any longer.
I stopped working, decided to take some time out. Numbness took over where anxiety and stress had been. I missed her but couldn’t cry or feel any emotion at all. I was already on anti-depressants and under that care of local MH team.
Eventually I sought bereavement counselling. But it was like talking from another person’s perspective about someone removed from me instead of the person who meant most to me in the whole world. The bereavement counsellor said she’d never encountered this before, that I had too many other problems that were masking the grief process, that I was ‘stuck’ at that trauma moment of loss unable to move forward. She didn’t know how to help me with it.
So two months away from the 1st year’s anniversary and I’m no closer to dealing with or facing my loss than I was all those months ago. I don’t know what to do, or if indeed I should do anything…?
I always thought that when Mum wasn’t around anymore, I wouldn’t have any reason to stay either, but I’ve not even got the energy to end it all.
GP, CPN/MH services are all aware of how things are, but I don’t know what to do and no one seems able to point me in the right direction.
I don’t want to do this anymore.

Hi lost 66,

I really feel for you and I suspect that some of the group that speak every day about our mums, may we be in your position at the 10 month mark
My mum died suddenly 6 months ago and life just isbt getting any better. I’m so unhappy. I’ve managed to get my working life back on track but I’m not enthusiastic and I have no patience for anything or anyone.
My relationship with my partner has changed. We enjoy nothing together anymore. I dont want to go out and socialise at all.
I’m often short and grumpy with my daughter too.
I’ve had 6 sessions of bereavement counselling but it didnt help.
I just simply miss my mum so much and I dont enjoy life without her. I’ve got no advice unfortunately, I just wanted you to know you arent alone.
Cheryl x

Thank you for your reply Cheryl, I’m sorry you are struggling as well.
I wondered if I’d had the bereavement counselling too soon for it to be effective, but maybe no amount of time would make any difference.
If only there was a magic wand for us all.
Kind regards

You may be right. Most places dont offer counselling in the first 6 months but my work paid for it because they were desperate to get me back to work.
I personally don’t think any amount of time will be much help.im just hoping that I eventually learn to live with it and enjoy a bit of happiness again.
I hope you do too lost.
7 months is still such a short amount of time. I lost my dad 21 years ago and it still hurts just not as bad as it did.

I don’t know what’s worse, experiencing intense emotion that is unbearable or nothing at all.
At least with feeling something there was a sense of being alive.
With feeling nothing it’s like the world is going on around me but I’ve just stopped. Like my mind is already dead it’s just waiting for my body to catch up.

Hi Lost

Your post very much sounds like me…it’s just coming up to 10 months since my mum died and like you, at the beginning I did all the legal stuff, sorted the house, I went back to work 3 days after she died (no sick pay in my job lol) and everyone told me how brave I was blah blah I thought yep - I’ve got this and carried on as “normal”

But just recently, maybe because it’s over Xmas it has hit me so hard and I’m struggling. I don’t know who I am anymore, I’m bored I’m lonely I don’t want to do anything, I will take my sons to places, fun places, places we would go with my mum but I get no enjoyment out of it which makes me feel terrible.

I am surprised the counsellor said she didn’t know how to help you :see_no_evil: I would of thought she would of refered you to someone else or gave some different advice? Do you have any friends or other family around that you can turn to for support? Counselling is such a personal thing, personally…I would never try it. I can’t see how talking to a stranger about how I feel will change anything or make me feel better but I have read many stories on here that is as helped massively etc so maybe it was the counsellor and not you…

As Cheryl has said below, I don’t have any real advise - I don’t believe it gets easier or you get over it. If anything I am going backwards but just know you are not alone and come on here to let your feelings out, It does help to know others are in the same boat xxxxz

Hi…I feel like I’m going backwards too.
Love to you x