It’s another “dressing-gown day”. Today, at 13:06, I have been four years and four months without My Man. I had planned to get some fresh roses to put on his grave, The tulips I put there last week must have been battered to death by the recent stormy weather. I like to have fresh flowers on Mike’s grave, and say a Rosary while I am there. So, Why am I still in my dressing-gown, at 15:40? It is a special day, 4 years and 4 months! But I cannot muster the (mental?) energy to get ready and walk to the bus stop. I Will go tomorrow… Meanwhile, I hide in my den, which was my office before I gave up work overnight to look after My Man, when he had just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma. People say “Mike wouldn’t want you to be sad”, but they have no idea how dead I feel inside, how half of me died with him, how nothing matters any more, how Missing Him hurts so much. In public I smile, do voluntary work, visit the housebound and - yes! - I cheer them up; my family doesn’t know how I really feel. Why should they grieve and worry even more than they do? I don’t even know why I am writing this now, here; I don’t want anybody to feel sad or sorry for me. What I feel is normal; we all grieve in different ways, but I didn’t think I would still be here after all this time. I am still an onlooker.
hi MissYou7
you’ve come to the right place.so many of us,you have to do what helps you cope.no point trying please others if it affects how you feel.im so sorry about the loss of your man.its great when you find that special person and your love is so strong.but sadly when we lose them the hurt is that much greater.many people on here know how you feel and what you are going through.but sadly there is no definitive solution.what might help one doesnt help another.we all grieve differently.some you wouldn’t ever know they had lost a loved one,whilst others are totally devastated.sorry for droning on,just wanted tell you your not alone as regards losing that special person in your life.you need to talk or say how you feel,just put it down as no one will judge you.just try to show they care and totally understand .regards ian
Hi Ian (Jianye)
It is so kind of you to respond to my outburst. I really appreciate your words, and read a great deal in them. Thank you for caring, for understanding and not judging. May you too find comfort and the strength to carry on. Regards. MissYou7
hi MissYou7 your very welcome.and thank you
regards
ian
Today, after filling in my surgery’s Depression Questionnaire, I was told to book an appointment with my GP. My many dressing-gown days were being surpassed by days in which I just don’t want to get up - what should I get up for? - when this morning a kind neighbour called at 12 noon and I had to grab my dressing-gown before reluctantly coming down to open the door. The following may explain what I feel, although the tears have nearly all dried up: “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
― Jamie Anderson