It’s a couple of months away still, but my family have asked what I want to do for Christmas. They have said it’s my choice because it’s also my birthday, but I feel overwhelmed by this responsibility. I actually don’t want there to be Christmas because it just wont be the same without Dad. I don’t want there to be presents or a family meal, I don’t want to go to church as I’ll have to go alone as Dad was the one I went with each year and I don’t want to come up with a new way to celebrate without him. I feel like my family thinks I’m being overly dramatic, but I just don’t want to face this day. The thought of trying to be jolly is exhausting…
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Same. I have teenager children so I will have to make the effort but I really don’t want to mark it at all. I always enjoyed Christmas and the run up to it but now it feels too painful to think about doing it without my Mum around.
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This will be my first Christmas on my own. (my husband died 31/1/25
We don’t have children or family and all close friends are a long way away. I’m not looking forward to Christmas at all
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you celebrate it as though they were still here. thery may not be here physically but you can do all the things they loved about xmas. include them, make a special place at the table, a special ornament for the tree etc. i give my hubby a xmas card every yr telling him hiw much i miss him etc.
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You don’t have to do anything that anyone tells you you should do. Xxxx
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@Daphne6 has said it, I refuse to do what others want me to. There’s no pleasure for me to go to big formal dinners because Penny won’t be there. So I usually have a date to meet her somewhere for a nice chat. It’s normally at the top of a very big hill in the Peak District, Mam Tor, rain or snow. Our dogs struggle up with me, because she really loved them. She never lets me down, she’s always turned up. Then it’s off to a local pub for a pint and a bag of crisps.
I know I’ll always be welcome at my family do’s, but they all understand and phone me to wish me (and Penny) the seasons greetings. I love doing my own thing. If the weather isn’t too bad, I might take a Xmas dinner up with me (plus Xmas doggie treats, of course).
No! I WILL take my Xmas dinner with me, if it’s only turkey soup and Xmas pudding😋.
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I dont want Christmas to happen also… no presents, no dinner, nothing… I just want to forget everything. And also New Year, because my husband loved it.
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Carrie, please dont feel you have to do anything you dont want to. I think if you have young children its a bit different but you dont mention that so Im assuming there arent any little ones? This is your first Christmas and birthday without your Dad and you get to spend them however feels right for YOU. Its not about keeping other people happy at your expense. Ive had 2 Christmasses now without Mum and I would gladly avoid them altogether. There is no way I can face a Christmas meal or forced jollity. Last year i stayed in bed all morning to pass some of the time, my Christmas lunch was a boiled egg, my brother came over in the afternoon and we watched TV and then I had frozen pizza! Everyone is different. You might find in years to come that you want to honour some of your Dads favourite Christmas activities or eat his favourite treats. I put up a photo of Mum with fairy lights and a candle that I lit every night, but there was no way i was going to do full Christmas decs. Our local hospice also offered a special remembrance service around the start of December- its sort of to mark Christmas but in a sensitive way, to remember those we loved and lost. They lit a big tree outside the hospice and you could dedicate a light to your loved one. I think lots of hospices run similar events if it sounds like something you’d want to do. 
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I feel the same as you do. I just don’t want anything to do with Christmas and new year. I have a grown up daughter and four grandchildren.So I don’t know how I can even imagine what I would say to get out of all of it . My sister died in March and I don’t have the capacity to deal with it. Because she died my mother went to live with her sisters in the USA and she has early onset of dementia.
Her family has not spoken to me and my mother has forgotten who I am . She thinks that I am a friend of the family or someone she just met .
She had always had a close relationship with my sister and now she’s gone . That side of my family is gone as well.
I’m lost I can’t stop crying. I still can’t believe she’s really gone. She was my best friend and she was always there for me no matter what. I feel that everyone’s moved on . But I have these moments when I forget like when I wake up in the morning and then I realise she’s not here anymore.
I was l was left to make all the decisions in the hospital by myself. I had three different doctors telling it was time to let her go and I had to decide when they could turn off her life support and then I stayed and her die . I sat in that hospital room and I felt that I was dying with her
Lorraine was on 50 when she died and I never ?ever thought about that ever happening to her . I feel broken. . So I do know how you feel but I don’t know what to say to help . I am very sorry .
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Carrie82
Hi Carrie christmas is cancelled since my wife passed away on the 31 st July my oldest son usually comes to stay for a few days but he came up with going away for a few days so christmas eve we are heading for Lanzarote it doesnt really matter where we go so long as its not staying at our bungalow we just cannot face it i know one day i will have to face it but not yet it doesnt matter what others think its about doing what is best for you in handling your grief the best way you can be kind to yourself and take care whatever you do
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SueF1
Hi Sue I don’t know how you manage to do that with the Christmas card maybe it’s just too soon but as I was clearing some things away at home I came across the cards we had bought earlier in the year and with them were old cards that my wife had kept to recycle my birthday card,wedding anniversary card and this years Christmas card was among them, it was the biggest trigger for the emotional struggle we are all going through yet that I have had and took me three days to get over it Sharon passed away 31/07/ 2025 so it’s very early for me ,the idea that you can do what you do gives me hope for coping in the future thank you and take care
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andy63
just wrote that i knew he wasnt there and how we all missed him etc and put it on his ashes on the shelf. they are still there and will do another one this year. they are not special cards just ordinary.
we never really bothered sending eaxch other cards, i would always give hubby one butnever got one back, he didnt believe in them, waste of moneyas he put it.
it takes time, you are early in your journey, i am over 3 yrs, but i still wish he would hobble in the living room. hugs
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Same here my dad passed January this year first time he won’t be here for Xmas I don’t want to be ‘jolly ‘ or do Xmas at all it will be very difficult I know just thinking of it makes me feel so sad 
…
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Xmas is a difficult time my birthday is Xmas eve and that’s very hard not having my mum and dad to be with 
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Newrenate64
The special occasions of yesterday have turned into things we would rather not have to deal with xmas is a major one for all posting on here but valentines day was Sharons birthday and i think thats going to be worse when you see all the flowers being bought for those that have their partners to hold , in your case cherish the good times i know its hard and i have already arranged a distraction from the traditional way we would celebrate but at least you have some great memories of xmas past be kind to yourself and just do what is best for yourself please take care
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Hi Carrie
Last xmas was my 1st without my husband in 47 years and I felt the same. Everyone thought I needed to be with someone but I dug my heels in and spent the day by myself at home..( which was the right thing for me then). We got engaged at xmas so that made it doubly sad. I just needed to be alone with my memories. This year I’ve agreed to spending the day with my family but I’m still not looking forward to Xmas. Doubt I ever will again. You do what your heart tells you to . It’s your grief and you can always change your mind if you feel the need . Take care of yourself , you’re not alone in how you feel.
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Hi Carrie,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your Dad. I know that it is very hard to lose a loved one because my husband of 30 years died in 2024 of lung cancer. I miss him terribly as you must miss your Dad. However, I do know that my husband is up in Heaven and out of pain and we will be together eventually in God’s time. I’m sure that your father is up in Heaven also and you will be reunited someday. Still, it’s hard being alone.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to celebrate Christmas as you did before because it won’t be the same. Your wonderful Dad won’t be there and apparently, he was very much a part of your Christmas celebration. Maybe you could explain that to your family and suggest that they just have a nice dinner together and not do all the traditional things they used to do with your Dad because it’s still too painful for you at this time.
The first Christmas I spent alone after my husband died was sad, but also joyful because my new Mexican neighbors came over to my house on Christmas Eve with Mexican food that they had made for me and it was so good! They knew my husband had died and that I was alone. I think they were a gift from God! He knew I was lonely and sad and sent them to me. I would suggest you just tell God how you feel about Christmas and let him figure it out!
If you ever want to talk, I’m here to listen. I’m 79 and most of my friends have already gone to Heaven so I have a lot of free time.
I’ll say a prayer for you also.
PML
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Hi again, Carrie,
I signed my message to you, PML which are my real initials. I had forgotten that my user name is Snowyevening. But it’s still me.
Sorry!
PML/Snowyevening
First I’m sorry for your loss. I’m also not looking forward to Christmas. I don’t want to put up a tree, wear Christmas jumpers, listen to Christmas music or watch a cheesy Christmas film 
these where all things my best friend loved about Christmas. She revealed in all things Christmas. The dinner, the family gathering, gift giving but not receiving then the quiet of the evening when everyone goes home & u sit down and give thanks that the day is over & everyone had a great day. That was my friend, my sister not by birth, my non romantic sole mate who I shared a home with for 27 wonderfully full on years before brain cancer ended that carefree person in February this year. BUT I feel not to do all those things in memory of her would disappoint her so much & for me very begrudgingly I will be doing all the things she loved. I know it’s gonna be hard & I’ve already told everyone there will be plenty of tears. I don’t know how I’ll get through December (her birthday also in December) let alone Christmas Day but I’ll do it for her. So whatever u decide to do celebrate or not don’t let anyone force u into feeling bad cause ur already feeling like shit. If u think doing one thing ur loved one enjoyed about Christmas do that & that’s enough, you decide.
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TcT16
That’s exactly why me and my son are going away over xmas the new year is just another day to us but xmas was special as a family do what’s right for yourselves people mean well and social inclusion is good if you can cope with it but a lot of well meaning people simply do not understand this kind of grief it’s complicated,overwhelming and even inconsistent for some but xmas offers too many triggers so be kind to yourselves,be selfish if that’s the word but do what let’s you cope with it ,take care all
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