Hi, I lost my amazing husband on the 10th December, he only went in the day before. It has been so heartbreaking and devasting completely turning my whole world upside down and inside out. I started coping with grief by avoiding it and keeping myself super busy, day and night. Then I started hiding away from the world, not wanting to go out. I am slowly starting to push myself out as I have got to go back to work soon and I’m dreading it - my boss has already told me that I have to just find another way of life!!! Everytime I go out and see someone for the first time since losing my husband I just break down and cry and end up running back inside. How does anyone else cope with this
I’m sorry to hear about your loss, it’s a horrible place that we find ourselves in and barely anyone in my world knows or understands what we’re going through every second of every day but everyone on this site does.
I lost rachel 47 days ago, she was only 33, she got knocked down crossing the road and I was with her seconds before it happened. My boss told me that I need to get back to work on monday or my money gets cut down, also that Rachel is gone and I need to just think about something else now! It makes me so angry. I cant go back to work so even though I cant really afford it I’ll need to take the hit and concentrate on myself as like you I need to know or learn how to cope with this before I can think about going back to work. I’m an emotional wreck all day and being in work will not help me at all.
Sounds like your boss is not very nice. Unless people have had it happen to them they don’t understand how devastating it is to lose the love of your life. Think of yourself and do back to work when your ready don’t let someone bully you into going back to soon. Hope you find a way to cope as we all have to do xx
I couldn’t even think of going back to work like you say having to mix with people especially the social anxiety, grief is horrible it affects every aspect of your life, not being able to sleep or concentrate or make decisions, it’s so hard without the pressure if work and the worst thing ever has happened to us so nothing else matters and things always work out in the end, so do what’s best for you, I was lucky my gp was very understanding and signed me off for five months now I’ve decided not to return to work I know I couldn’t cope with the emotional stress I’m only 62 but I’ll work something out, thinking of us all tonight xx
i lost my husband 2 months ago i made sure i kept to my routine and keep myself as busy as i can i have a dog who i take out 3 times a day so she gets me out i make sure i keep in touch with family and friends to talk to and visit make sure you keep your mind occupied
These emotions are like a huge tidal wave & I know how they just ebb & flow the tears still come & will keep coming. I lost the love of my life in December 2019 before the World went into lockdown. Struggling with grief & isolating from loved ones & friends was the hardest part. Living alone with my dog. I knew I had to take care of my mental state & my lovely collie dog has been my absolute saviour.
If it wasn’t for her I really don’t know how I’d have got through the past two years of this limbo half life of restrictions & fear. I also miss my husband so very much & we had so many wonderful holidays & days out exploring & I am so glad to have lots of wonderful memories & 1000’s photos to look back on of the good times spent together & it’s those that I look to when I feel overwhelmed. I made him a promise that I would not get swallowed up into a big cavernous hole of grief & that I would live out my life for the both of us.
Going for lovely walks with my dog is my own kind of therapy where I’m alone with my thoughts & yet she’s by my side & being out in nature is very good for the soul, I really do return home with a lifted spirit & try to stay as busy as I can & connect with friends & family. Sometimes just a phone call or text message really can help.
Locally to me I have reached out to a number of helpful groups one of those is affiliated to the Hospice & have been really good to me. They have regular meet ups for tea & a chat to organised walks to some lovely places. It’s good to meet up & talk with others that are also grieving from loss.
I have met some new friends this way so will keep going along to the meetings & walks. I am perhaps one of the younger ones attending as my husband was 61 when he died I was only 57 now just 60 & have also not felt ready to return to work. Not worked since I became my husbands carer in Spring 2019 as I needed to be with him every moment I could be. Some days I really feel a job would give me more purpose but I’m still not ready to get back out there. Wishing the colder, darker days of January would brighten up & bring warmer weather as well, as that certainly helps to get out & about.
Today I might even attempt to tackle some unruly paperwork that needs sorting & filing away. A task I really find tedious & something my hubby did very well. So I mentally hear him telling me to just get it done. He was a very organised man & would’ve had all cleared & filed away by now.
Then I need to get some plans made for ‘fun stuff’
Dates in diary, even if it’s catching up with an old friend for a cuppa. Little things like that are like bright Marker buoys in the dark sea of grief, we all need things to look forward to.
Got to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it feels like pushing an elephant uphill.
Sending positive energy from me to all who need it after reading this. In the words of that incredible old soldier Captain Tom… ‘Tomorrow will be a good day’