I feel angry with my brother

I lost my brother last July. He lived in Madrid, so, due to Covid restrictions the grieving process is on hold. He was cremated within 24 hours and I haven’t been able to see my sister-in-law or nephews. I think I am only beginning to feel anything now. I am very down and emotional but I also feel a lot of anger towards my brother.
We lost our mum just over 20; years ago when we were in our twenties; which is tough enough. I am angry with my brother for dying and his children and wife having to deal with the trauma that we have suffered and for putting me in this position again. I really hope someone can tell me that this is normal.

Hi Macca, yes anger is normal and I do understand that travel is out at present but honestly things will change, each week things improve. I do hope when you can visit and then you can begin to understand that there’s nothing to be anger about. They say when it’s your time, that’s it and nothing can be done.
I am pleased you are keeping busy and have to admit both our house and garden have never been as neat and tidy. If there was any more to do I think I would find it, that’s what lockdown has done. If you still feel anger perhaps some counselling may help, I know there is a wait time and it’s not face to face but it may help to sort out the whys and how to deal with it. Take care of yourself xx

It is normal!

You have lost someone important to you against your will and you weren’t able to make sure they looked after themself. Maybe he is to blame, maybe he didn’t wear a mask etc etc - these are ways to find an emotional exit from the pain. If he had died of cancer then you’d probably be less angry as he’d of had no say in it (as it could be construed as).

Our minds and emotions do what they must. It is good that you are being yourself with this so it will pass through to the next stage and be more bearable hopefully.

Any remnants of loss of your mother you would have shared between you but now you’ve been left to carry that alone. Maybe that will reappear too. Maybe they have both left you behind or alone. I can imagine feeling abandoned. Keep talking about it all and getting support.

Things will improve in time. Bear with it.

Xx

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