I feel cheated by life

As a young person I loved reading, I liked fairytales, always a happy ending. As I went through life taking knock after knock I always thought, ‘just keep going, life will get better’. But it hasn’t. Loosing my beautiful son has been the hardest thing ever. I can’t fix this or make it better or keep going until the tide changes. This is it. And the pain is for the chance at life that he has lost too. Life is cruel. Why do some just have to keep suffering one thing after another. I was taught to do good and good will come back to you. Not so. But that’s another day over at least. Love to all xx

Hello Orchard, We’ve connected on the open forum and on PM, and you always offered me helpful and supportive words. You sound like such a lovely, sensitive person. I sense how you are struggling and my heart goes out to you. My dear departed Dad also told us to do good, and good will come to us, but the sudden loss of my beloved little Sister shattered that belief. But since my loss I strive to be a better person, more like my sweet, strong and spirited Sister (if that is possible). I think our loved ones would want us to continue to spread kindness (as we all do on this forum). I too often feel life is so cruel and so much is taken from us. When I look at the evening sky or the greenery of the Summer trees, I feel it is just not right, that I can enjoy it but my Sister cannot. But we must believe they are still seeing all the beauty too (perhaps they “are” the beauty we see in nature). Your loss is so traumatic, like my Sister he lost his life too soon, and it is so unfair. I am still calling out, “Why?” No answer comes, so I ask her for guidance. Yes you were “cheated” and you did not deserve this nightmare. But never stop being the good person you are Orchard. You are needed and still have so much to give.
Do not let this grief rob you of anything more. (I will take my own advice as well).
Be gentle with yourself and know you are not alone. Love back to you, Xxxx Sister2

Hello Orchard I just wanted to send you a hug. Grief is from hell and I don’t have any fix its. Losing your son is the utmost cruelty and although i’m suffering too it’s not a child. I’m 9 weeks now and I’m still screaming into cushions and in the car for Colin. I’ve joined keep fit and yoga (I’m 73) because its company and passes the time. I did these things when younger but I am beside myself with his dying so try and keep busy. Please keep writing you will get support and it lets you vent your feelings. Talk to the Samaritans or Breathing Space when you need to and I will always reply to you. If you haven’t been to GP then go tomorrow. There is a v good counselling service on here that I have used. They only ask for a donation. Use anything and everything that helps you. It will never replace your son but it’s about you now and helping you. Much love Kate xx

I too always believed that if you did the right things then generally everything works out OK. I have in no way been perfect but in any case why would an innocent young person be punished for my wrong doings? It is clearly nothing to do with it.
Whenever I try to analyse my feelings about losing my precious daughter I am able to relate to ‘the stages of grief’. They don’t hit me in any set order but hit me they do.
It is nearly a year for me too and I feel dreadful. I think it is part of the acceptance. Reality began to hit around 8 months when the shock lifted a little. I don’t feel like this all the time. Sometimes I can accept that I will always be sad but that as I have to be left here nature will take over so that I will want to survive. Other times I go round in circles because why didn’t nature save my daughter? I cannot get by the lost future of my child. That is the crux of the matter. It is so unfair and we cannot change it ever. In reality we don’t know why or what determines good or bad events.
I know I am waffling but my thoughts are jumbled.
My thoughts are with you.
Sending love and hugs.
There are some helpful thoughts in the attached article.
https://qz.com/india/489499/a-mothers-grief-after-the-death-of-a-daughter-a-spiritual-journey/

Thank you for posting the link. It is a beautifully written blog - and one that offers hope that we all need, but does not gloss over the reality. I have not lost my child - but my partner - but the sentiments resonate to the same tune.
Trisha xx

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