I feel death is all I know

I lost both my uncle suddenly and my son was stillborn in 2008/2010
In the first 7 weeks of 2018 my cousin was killed in an accident, my other uncle died suddenly of a bleed on his brain and then my best friend my father on February 3rd to cancer
Last year my relationship broke down and there was an abortion I didn’t t agree with but tried my best to support.
And November 2020 I had plans with my younger cousin only to find Her that night Within her home after taking her own Life at age 23 and that has bn the hardest to to cope with to date. What is out there IN Terms of help because trying to cope alone isn’t working for me.