I feel guilty for grieving

My 15 year old daughters father was sadly taken from us in February this year. The last time my daughter saw her father was when she was approximately 9 years old. The relationship between me and him became bitter and we ended up having no contact with one another. He moved on and got a partner, they had two kids together. He was killed by some thugs on a night out, a punch up that went horribly wrong. No one has been charged yet, as it is still ‘pending further enquiries’. The day I found out he was hospitalised and critical, I felt pain inside of me, deep sadness. 5 days later he died and I just hurt inside a lot.
Why do I hurt so much inside? I feel like I’ve had to grieve in silence and alone. My daughter doesn’t tell me anything about how she feels even when I ask her. But her behaviour has taken a turn for the worse since he passed away.
Today was his funeral, my daughter was not asked by anyone if she wanted to go. And the location was kept secretive. I’ve cried a lot today… I just feel empty. I feel anger towards those who didn’t think to ask her if she wanted to attend.
His funeral car was 4 cars in front of me this morning (at the time I didn’t realise) but I just burst into tears, hoping it was him.
I feel like I am grieving for me and my daughter, and some people find it unusual that 6 months ago I really disliked him… and now I’ve reacted this way.
My heart really hurts…
I also found out after the funeral from someone I know that the dress code was black traditional suits with a bit of blue. This morning when I woke up I put on black leggings with a blue top.

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I’m no expert but I think you are experiencing GT r

For all his flaws he is the reason you have your precious daughter, he’s a part of your life story so I am not surprised you are grieving. Perhaps at the heart of it you’re grieving for a life that you had hoped for with him but didn’t get, a past that didn’t happen.

Please don’t beat yourself up about it and I hope your daughter can find a way to let her emotions out in a healthy way

Hi, thanks for commenting.

What is GT r please?