I feel ican't let myself start to grieve

My usual way of dealing with things is to ignore them. Not health I know but it works for me. I lost my daughter in December and I just feel numb. Any feelings I do experience are all surface level. I go about everyday life because I have to i have other children and a job to hold down ut what I really want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. I’ve tried my best to ignore it all. Lock down hasn’t helped as being home has meant I’ve not been able to ignore it and its starting to rear its head. I’m scared to open that box of grief and I’m worried that once I do that I won’t cope i will fall apart and I’m not sure I can handle that. It just hurts so much I physically feel it

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Hello,

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter - that is one of the worst things that can happen to someone.

Quite a few people like you try to mask their feelings, and carry on as normal. For some it works to some extent, for others, their grief eventually catches up with them. Confronting our grief is very scary - I know, because a lot of the days I just try and push my grief aside and carry on, but then some days it just catches up with me, and I cannot ignore it, and those days are horrendous.

Have you ever considered bereavement counselling? It is free, and allows you to talk about your grief at your own pace. Maybe if you had counselling, you’ll be able to talk about your grief in such a manner that will not cause you to have a total breakdown. Sue Ryder provide a free online counselling service.

Hope your weekend isn’t too bad. And please feel free to keep posting here whenever you need to.

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Yes Abdullah. Many do try to carry on as normal because they are told to do so by misguided people. Nothing can ever be normal again. We can make a new life for ourselves and soldier on, but normal, no way. Now that’s not being pessimistic. What has happened to us all is a life trauma. How could things ever be normal? Is it normal to grieve? Of course it is because it’s Natures way of relieving some of the stress. You are so right, we can’t just ignore it. That’s not possible and neither should we try. But we can accept it as part of this awful process of grief. It will happen so why try and not do it? That can only lead to more stress. Emotions, no matter how bad they may feel. should be allowed to come.
Thanks for that. Best wishes. John.

Hi samester86
I know what you are saying about ignoring things makes things easier to deal with, i have had boxes as such that i put people in when they pass. I always have. This in the end plays havoc with memory of all things. I have realised with my partner passing that this has not been healthy for me all these years. I am also unable this time to lock the box it just keeps opening itself.
I now have to go with the flow of what happens. I cannot always control it as i used to. But i know this is better for me in the long term. I get up and leave when i know i am going to have a sad moment. I am void of emotion to the outside world and that is how I will always be. It is just who i am.
I cannot imagine your pain and would not ever want to but my advise for those whose emotions are not for all to view is dont stop the tears because holding back stops you remembering the good times. We have to go through the pain to see the good however long that takes is not known

samester86
I am so sorry that you are going through such a sad time, your grief will overtake you, eventually. I would suggest that at this time, nature is protecting you because your pain is so hard to bear.
Blessings,
MaryL

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