Does anyone else on this caring site feel like a Robot? I seem to go through the motions of everyday life on auto pilot never really gaining any satisfaction from what I’ve done. Cleaning, washing up, changing the bed, shopping, tidying, even meeting up with a friend and think when I’ve done this that or the other I’ll feel better but it doesn’t work.
How different to when Pete was here with me and he’d be sorting the garage, making things or due back from a fishing trip and I’d be happy doing my lot and then we’d go for a drive and maybe a pub meal. Simple everyday things, not wanting any more than that.
How I long to go back in time with him but I take some comfort in all the lovely memories,
Must be the weekend blues making me maudlin as my Gran used to say.
Thinking of you all.
Love Jenny
Dear @Kingfisher
Thank you for sharing an open and honest post. I am sure many of us here can identify with your words. You do feel like a robot on repeat every day. Routines and lifestyles change when you lose a loved one, nothing can prepare you for this either.
In time things will change as we learn to adapt and accept the situation we are in.
We are all here for you and understand what you are going through, you are not alone.
Take care of yourself.
Pepsi
@Kingfisher
Yes I too feel like I’m just going through the motions, kind of dreamy feeling , when I’m washing up, cooking ect, since I lost my partner George 7 weeks ago , I just totally feel spaced out all the time, I long for him so much. I always used to say to him “I would walk through hell and back for you” and it’s true , I will never stop loving him, I miss him every second of the day, I’m so so heartbrokenn 
Sending you lots of love and heeling xx
@Kingfisher yes 100% robot, i do get crums of comfort but the majority of my existance is either numb or in grief pain. With time i have come to sadly realise i will have to carry this until we meet again.
That’s a good description. I tell people I’m doing ok as I am coping with life in an apparently normal way most of the time. Yesterday I was conscious of a feeling of doom hanging in the air around me most of the time but on very active days it is less noticeable.
I will say though that, nine months in I am certainly at that lowest point less frequently so there can be the hope of better days ahead.
We can all help each other too and break out from that robot shell sometimes I hope.
Love to all xxx
Thank you all for your kind and lovely messages, they are appreciated and although I don’t like to think of anyone else in a Robotic state it does help to not think that it’s just me.
Here’s to better times.
Love Jenny x
Oh @Kingfisher i feel exactly like that. I manage to do a bit of housework here and there but there’s no satisfaction. There’s no real joy or pleasure in anything anymore. I get out of the shower, he’s not here. I come back from shopping or walking with friends, he’s not here. I hate it. Everything was a pleasure when he was around. I used to love coming home when I’d been out anywhere. Now I really don’t care whether I get home or not. I’m just filling in time until I’m with him again. Everything feels superficial - like there’s no depth or meaning to it. Big cuddle to you. Jean xx.
Dear Jean, thank you for your message and I’m sorry that you feel this way too. I’m so glad I found this site and am able to find out how other folk are dealing with their loss. It does help to know that you’re not alone in your thoughts.
Love Jenny x
@Kingfisher @Jean8 it is the lack of real contact and touch which crushes my soul. The lack of bantter we use to have then knowing it is completely gone, just rips my insides out. As i didn’t live in a virtual world before but now this is my new norm. Thinking of us all and wish all the this whole site could physically meet.
Hi @Kingfisher, you’ve hit the nail on the head. I don’t know how many times I’ve used that word ‘robot’ in the last two years, to describe myself. That’s exactly what I’ve become, an object with no emotions, at least not the positive ones like joy and laughter, rushing around doing things that normally would have been important but now seem so insignificant to me, thinking to myself: 'What for? ". Then I come back to my senses and reassure myself that I have to go on, and I want to go on, for my children and my home which we both created together , but most of all for my husband, to honor his legacy, carrying on as if he’s still here. Since I am part of him and he is part of me, then that means he still lives on and hopefully in time I will, together with all of you here, eliminate this ‘robotic’ way of life that is controlling us at the moment.
Yes, I agree Allen about the lack of real contact and banter that crushes the soul as it happened so naturally before with our loved ones. It was part of the day, weeks months and years that we spent together. Wishing you well.
Love Jenny x
That was lovely Solost, you have summed the whole Robotic routine in a nutshell. But I think to honor your husbands legacy and go on for your children is something I can relate to. Thank you.
Love Jenny x
Losing my husband 5 weeks ago and feel I,m living in a different world. Everything is so strange. Is it because I feel lonely even though I have people supporting me. Will I ever feel the real me again as my thoughts on life are frightening me as I need to know I will cope without my husband. It must get better in time, if not life’s not worth living.
@Lewis123
It is certainly very early days for you. I haven’t tried any therapy so can’t help with ideas on that I’m afraid but do keep with us here as we are at least a group who understand.
I’m nine months in and the crippling tears are less often. More often it is gentle tears and general sorrow. It is less debilitating than it was so please keep some hope.
My main strategies are keeping busy - no choice in that anyway as there is so much which has to be done; being determined (or is that bloody minded?) to make Richard proud and look after what we created together. He inspires me every day as he worked so hard as well as being such fun to be with.
Sending you love.
xxx
@Lewis123
I understand 100% how ur feeling and know where your coming from, every single day is an effort for me, I would give anything to be with my George, I love him so much, it’s breaking me apart having to live without him. I’m not myself anymore, and I know I will never be the same again without him. Xx
@KarenF your Richard sounds a great guy, very similar to my Bri, i feel im at a junction in life, one turn is to carry on existing/functioning, or to turn the other way and do things to make Bri proud, like running.
@Mel92 i know what you mean, part of my died with Bri on that fateful day in October, im never gonna be that same person again
There’s no joy in anything. I know what you mean.
I’m functioning on auto pilot but hoping I won’t wake up tomorrow.
Hi
I feel the same.
Neat two years on and I think it is worse.
Everyday is a struggle trying to get through with very little pleasures.
My grandchildren make me smile but nothing else does.
I still wake with a feeling of dread.
I fill the time but have no joy now.
Half of me has died too.
Xx
This is so true, I don’t feel things, then there’s external overload, best just to cruise through till you can feel like life’s worth living again. Hang on, I am 
Oh yes, just how I feel. 10 weeks ago normal life suddenly ended and I have now become a robot. Doing all the usual things, trying to stick to some routine, at the same time sorting through my darling husbands things, so many memories, breaking my heart every day.