I feel like I lost everything.

Hi all, I’m 28 currently serving in the armed forces where I don’t think showing emotion is a thing for us as we don’t really talk. I’ve been struggling a lot for the last 5 years and I really don’t know what to do now and it’s really starting too eat me inside well it has for many years now I don’t feel I can talk to anyone because I get angry about the situation because I don’t want too believe they’re gone. So 5 years ago I lost my best friend my world and one of the most amazing women in my life my nan I lived with her all through her illness until she finally went into a home then I started training then she eventually passed away which really hit me but I never could grieve because I was training finally out of all the training and pushing all this pain right too the back of my head I was away in Norway and my little cousin who was pretty much my sister fell into a coma and I couldn’t be there but she finally come out of it and my granddad went into hospital for a water infection but things got complicated so I finally traveled back too the UK on the 23rd spent Christmas with my family bar my granddad and Sam I went too visit my granddad on the 30th I left the hospital at just past 8 as I was travelling back too Austria in the 1st but when I got home I was told my granddad had died I couldn’t believe I had seen him like 30 mins before so doing what I do best that was pushed too the back of my mind. The next day I took my son shopping to get a present for Sam but too be phoned by my mum too tell me Sam had died in her sleep literally in a year and half my world has been ripped apart I watched my mum lose both parents and just battle with it as I couldn’t be there because I didn’t want to deal with it. I’ve only ever visited my nan and granddads grave 3 times and I’ve only been too Sam’s house once. But I know now I need too actually talk but I’m finding it so hard.


Hi Tomb0708

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nan, your grandad and Sam, and that it’s been hard to express how you are feeling. It’s normal to feel angry and overwhelmed when grieving. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

If you think it would be helpful to you, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

It’s so sad that you’ve had had so many losses at such a young age and having to carry on, when my dad died I went back to work after three weeks under pressure but paid for it two years later with burn out stress I was off work for six months and learnt the hard way that if you need to take time out it’s important to do what’s best for you, maybe there’s someone at work that you could speak to to get some time out to be at home with your family, please don’t keep it all to yourself, reach out to others thinking of you and your family xx

1 Like

just because you are in the armed forces doesnt mean you have to hold all this grief and loss inside you
you need to really talk to someone to help you ease some of that burden you have and the griefand pain you have
surely the armed forces have someone to talk to a councillor or some one else just who will sit and listen to you and also let the tears fall
please seek help take care pat