Hi Everyone - I’m so sorry for the loss that has brought you here. It’s been two and a half years since I lost my mum and I have more better days than bad, which is a good indicator of progress for sure. I have had phases where the loss has spurred me to seize my creativity and I have achieved things I’d been scared of in the past. However, I then have pretty low phases where I just struggle to feel any purpose. I used to find great joy in chatting to my mum about creative ideas, my work and general stuff. I miss our conversations (I do chat to her occasionally but it’s not the same). I found professional mentoring and coaching helped to an extent but for some reason, mum’s loss has really hit me again this season. I understand that it may be the time of year and that we humans function in cycles, however, that understanding doesn’t change the fact I feel so glum. Oddly, I’ve also found myself haunted by previous (unhealthy) relationships. Ex partners (2 in particular) are invading my dreams, so I don’t think I’m sleeping very soundly, and I just feel generally troubled - as if doom is on the horizon. I wonder if this is heightened anxiety? I’m performing at the end of the month (in a show) and self-doubt has kicked in big time. I was feeling very confident until Christmas, focused and found the coaching really helped to boost my confidence. Suddenly it’s like I’ve gone backwards in my ability to rationalise my fears and grief. I’m interested to hear if anyone else has experienced similar things and in finding tangible suggestions to get back on track. Thanks and sending strength to you all.
Hello @ZoeLeigh,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Thank you for reaching out and sharing how you’re feeling with us.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. If you need any extra support yourself, we’re here to help. As well as the community, we also have a text support service, online bereavement counselling and our Grief Kind spaces. You can find out more at sueryder.org/support 
Take care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen